A very uncomfortable situation- how to handle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nice to call. You don’t have to agree with any politics, but a friend felt uncomfortable enough with a conversation that she stood up and left. This really isn’t about religion or politics, but about being a good friend. Friends check up on their friends.

+1 trust your gut and reach out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Jewish American here and I would absolutely appreciate a call or text to check in. Something like, "Hey, I wanted to check in after our lunch. I know we don't usually talk politics and it seemed like today's discussion really upset you, so I wanted to make sure you're ok."

We Jews have all been a little on edge since October 7. Plus, it's always difficult to be ambushed by people we thought were friends.

Totally agree with this as a Jewish American.

I think you are trolls. I have never heard anyone describe themselves as “Jewish American.”

I’m not a troll. I identified that way to make it clear I’m not Israeli, but am Jewish. I used the other poster’s nomenclature.

Why would you feel the need to clarify you are not Israeli? Nobody thinks Israelis are posting here. I think you are trolling.

It's a cop out to call someone a troll. You have no way of knowing that and are only trying to be disruptive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am friends with a group from my sons school. We get together once a month for lunch or dinner.

So happens we went out for lunch today for our monthly get together. We are a real mix of personalities. Of the 8 of us, 2 are Jewish the rest are mixed religions. We all never bring up politics or religion as an unspoken rule however today the most outspoken of the bunch came out and blasted Israel for what they are doing. She really unloaded, once she got started, she didn't let up (with encouragement from others). We were all kind of surprised and in shock at first. One of the moms (Jewish) is married to a christian husband and is not religious and was one of the first to agree. Then a few others did too. The other Jewish mom however did not take this well. She started to defend whats going on then abruptly got up and said she had to leave early.

Of all the moms, shes the one I am the least close with but I feel badly for how it went. I want to call her just to see how shes doing because I know it was upsetting to her. Not to say I agree with her at all but shes human and no doubt felt really outnumbered as the "ringleader" came on really strong. Should I call or leave it alone?

It sounds like she's uncomfortable with truth. It might be time for her to wake up to reality, even if it's uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like she was targeted or blamed because she's Jewish (and she should absolutely not be), but ethically, walking away when you feel uncomfortable is a bit childish. There are so many Jews of conscience who abhor what Israel is doing - this isn't a religious thing, it's a political litmus test.

The attacker was childish. They had a nice interfaith group going and she ruined it because she wanted to school a Jew.

Who was attacked?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am friends with a group from my sons school. We get together once a month for lunch or dinner.

So happens we went out for lunch today for our monthly get together. We are a real mix of personalities. Of the 8 of us, 2 are Jewish the rest are mixed religions. We all never bring up politics or religion as an unspoken rule however today the most outspoken of the bunch came out and blasted Israel for what they are doing. She really unloaded, once she got started, she didn't let up (with encouragement from others). We were all kind of surprised and in shock at first. One of the moms (Jewish) is married to a christian husband and is not religious and was one of the first to agree. Then a few others did too. The other Jewish mom however did not take this well. She started to defend whats going on then abruptly got up and said she had to leave early.

Of all the moms, shes the one I am the least close with but I feel badly for how it went. I want to call her just to see how shes doing because I know it was upsetting to her. Not to say I agree with her at all but shes human and no doubt felt really outnumbered as the "ringleader" came on really strong. Should I call or leave it alone?

It sounds like she's uncomfortable with truth. It might be time for her to wake up to reality, even if it's uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like she was targeted or blamed because she's Jewish (and she should absolutely not be), but ethically, walking away when you feel uncomfortable is a bit childish. There are so many Jews of conscience who abhor what Israel is doing - this isn't a religious thing, it's a political litmus test.

The attacker was childish. They had a nice interfaith group going and she ruined it because she wanted to school a Jew.

Who was attacked?!

You have no idea what was said or how it was said. She walked out so what we do know is that she felt uncomfortable. You never speak about politics at the table as you have no idea where people stand. I don’t agree with all of my friends on their views, so I don’t bring things up. I also don’t post on social media. OP has to decide whether politics or her friendship more important.

[Anonymous]

Is that ring leader lady usually a pita? You say she’s generally the most outspoken but also that you normally don’t talk politics. How is she outspoken normally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is that ring leader lady usually a pita? You say she’s generally the most outspoken but also that you normally don’t talk politics. How is she outspoken normally?

Why does any of this matter? She saw or should have seen the other lady getting upset and she kept going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a jewish (American) person who doesn't want to hear people bash Israel, I would appreciate the call from you. Yes, a lot of what Israel is doing is atrocious but this country has been defending themselves from all sides for their entire "life".

I have never heard ANYONE unleash on the IDF without ALSO talking smack about Jewish people. THAT is the real issue for me. Their antisemitism comes roaring out, and they can't/won't see that.

BS. I am Jewish and I have zero problem separating being Jewish and the atrocities going on at the hands of a dictator in Israel. Again- please don't conflate religion with national politics. Being against Israel is not antisemitism- I don't care how often you say it's the same. You are wrong. There is NOTHING in my religion that endorses the wholesale murder of thousands of innocent people.
There's nothing about starting WW3. I am horrified at my friends who actually cannot understand how they are being played right now. I say SPEAK UP. If she couldn't defend her position- it means she has no position. Also, if there was ever a time in history to avoid talking about religion and politics- it sure isn't now. Lives depend on caring about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is that ring leader lady usually a pita? You say she’s generally the most outspoken but also that you normally don’t talk politics. How is she outspoken normally?

Why does any of this matter? She saw or should have seen the other lady getting upset and she kept going.

Because if it’s a pattern then that woman should be left out of the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this thread on the Religion forum? It belongs on either the politics forum or the relationship forum. It has nothing to do with religion.

Well it is about religion because OP speculates her acquaintance is feeling hurt by antisemitism and wants to know what to do. But yeah what we have learned over and over again on DCUM is that Jews are not allowed to express themselves about antisemitism the ways others can express themselves about religious bias. We cannot even have posts about antisemitic attacks. It becomes political AND antisemitic every.single.time.

The issue here (and elsewhere) is the conflation of antisemitism with objecting to the actions of Israeli leadership. They are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this thread on the Religion forum? It belongs on either the politics forum or the relationship forum. It has nothing to do with religion.

Well it is about religion because OP speculates her acquaintance is feeling hurt by antisemitism and wants to know what to do. But yeah what we have learned over and over again on DCUM is that Jews are not allowed to express themselves about antisemitism the ways others can express themselves about religious bias. We cannot even have posts about antisemitic attacks. It becomes political AND antisemitic every.single.time.

The issue here (and elsewhere) is the conflation of antisemitism with objecting to the actions of Israeli leadership. They are not the same thing.

Sometimes it is and sometimes it’s not. Most Jews are very critical of Israel and can spot the difference and whether someone is antisemitic or not based on language and context. If a mom in a group which has a policy of not talking politics erupts in anger at a Jewish mom at Starbucks over Israel’s evils, she’s more likely antisemitic than not. She’d likely not have done it to a Christian mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Jewish American here and I would absolutely appreciate a call or text to check in. Something like, "Hey, I wanted to check in after our lunch. I know we don't usually talk politics and it seemed like today's discussion really upset you, so I wanted to make sure you're ok."

We Jews have all been a little on edge since October 7. Plus, it's always difficult to be ambushed by people we thought were friends.

Totally agree with this as a Jewish American.

I think you are trolls. I have never heard anyone describe themselves as “Jewish American.”

I’m not a troll. I identified that way to make it clear I’m not Israeli, but am Jewish. I used the other poster’s nomenclature.

Why would you feel the need to clarify you are not Israeli? Nobody thinks Israelis are posting here. I think you are trolling.

What a strange take. This is a totally normal way to describe herself

most Jewish people don’t feel the need to identify themselves as “not Israeli.” If you think they do or should maybe ask yourself why.

[Anonymous]

Look, the Middle East is complicated. What Jews do not like (regardless of whether they agree with Israel’s actions) is the oversimplification of the war. If you think this is just a 1-sided unprovoked action, then you don’t know the history. So if someone casually brings up the war but doesn’t know the background, it is going to feel like an attack. Stay away from politics at lunch!

[Anonymous]

Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

You got it reversed. In this scenario you are Jewish mom and ring leader is the MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been in a conversation with MAGA? I have, I have had people tell me thy don’t support LGBTQ rights and they want to deport all foreigners to my face and I was the only one defending it. People are not always going to agree with you and that’s ok. The group did nothing wrong. Your friend needs to grow up. If you call your friend to check in on her, it sends the message that you think her views are right but you couldn’t speak up at the group setting. She might even get mad that you didn’t defend her. I think your husband is right on this, leave it alone.

But not everyone is like you. If I was the only one defending LGBTQ rights and immigration, I would walk out because that makes me uncomfortable. Not everyone wants to be in a political argument when they thought they were going out to a friends brunch.