How to talk to teenage DD about her father chasing women in their early 20s?

[Anonymous]

I have hysterical attachment to this drama. Please more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of the following thread in the relationship forum:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1277224.page

The issue has become one more suitable for the Tweens and Teens forum.

My husband and I have lived separately for more than three years. He always cheated, sometimes with several women at the same time.
DD doesn't know about the cheating part, and I do not plan to every discuss it with her.

However, a recent event has rocked her childhood: her 59 y.o. dad is chasing a 22 y.o. woman whom he found on a tutoring website about four weeks ago. They have done two tutoring sessions, DD is excited. STBXH has invited the young woman to his home and made it sound safe by proposing cultural outings with DD.

I have handled things poorly with DD and I don't know how to make it better. I asked her if it would be OK for her if we choose another math tutor. She asked why, and I told her because daddy considers himself to be an appropriate romantic partner for the tutor and I don't want to put DD in the middle of that situation.

I feel like this is a turning point in DD's childhood. She has asked questions and labeled her dad a "predator." She is distancing herself from her dad. I should have
made something up or I should have asked the tutor to
announce that she quits.

I feel like I just destroyed her childhood, when my goal was to protect her. I feel terrible.

Yeah, you messed up royally. What a see you next Tuesday you are.

Let’s stop with the notion that this was an accident. You absolutely, 100% set out to do this to your ex.

Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the issue? He IS a predator, and she deserves to know. If she has feelings about his actions, that’s his problem. If he stopped chasing girls only a few years older than his daughter there wouldn’t be any issues.

He made his bed. He can deal with the fall out of being a nasty old man chasing college girls.

Yes. This.

Ignore all the other posters who are accusing you of being in his business. Divorced parents have to deal with this kind of crap for the benefit of the kid. If your daughter is asking you if her father is a predator, that's worth discussing rather than simply saying, "I have no idea what you're talking about because I am not involved in your father's life anymore."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your husband hot?

Unless the 22 year old is extra chunky, yes he is obviously a looker to get a girl that age at nearly 60.

Or rich. Ugly men are so attractive to pretty girls from the lower classes when they have buckets of money and can offer stability. It's just biological survival.

Yeah true, women mostly want a sugar daddy these days.

[Anonymous]

The tutor moved across the country? Is she living with you? I’m so confused.

[Anonymous]

You explain they are both adults and can make decisions for themselves. Is that really that difficult to comprehend and or explain.

[Anonymous]

You can't protect your DD from the truth of her dad forever. She gets to decide what kind of relationship she wants with him. She observes and then she decides. You don't need to say anything. She is old enough to judge him for his actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so involved in your exes romantic life - why is he sharing these details with of you of his romatnic pursuits - how do you know all about these details of what he is thinking and his intentions with this woman? Are you out spying on him to see evidence of this romantic and chasing behaviour or is he telling you.

You got what you wanted - you trashed her dad to her and now she hates him. Congrats. She has two crappy parents. DO you actually know for sure and have evidence that he is romantically involved with the 22 year old or did you just make that up to suit your story?

Meh, he deserves it. He IS a predator and is being completely inappropriate. OP is under no obligation to shield the DD from that. STBXH wants to FA and is now about to FO the consequences. Tough Sh--.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of the following thread in the relationship forum:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1277224.page

The issue has become one more suitable for the Tweens and Teens forum.

My husband and I have lived separately for more than three years. He always cheated, sometimes with several women at the same time.
DD doesn't know about the cheating part, and I do not plan to every discuss it with her.

However, a recent event has rocked her childhood: her 59 y.o. dad is chasing a 22 y.o. woman whom he found on a tutoring website about four weeks ago. They have done two tutoring sessions, DD is excited. STBXH has invited the young woman to his home and made it sound safe by proposing cultural outings with DD.

I have handled things poorly with DD and I don't know how to make it better. I asked her if it would be OK for her if we choose another math tutor. She asked why, and I told her because daddy considers himself to be an appropriate romantic partner for the tutor and I don't want to put DD in the middle of that situation.

I feel like this is a turning point in DD's childhood. She has asked questions and labeled her dad a "predator." She is distancing herself from her dad. I should have
made something up or I should have asked the tutor to
announce that she quits.

I feel like I just destroyed her childhood, when my goal was to protect her. I feel terrible.

Yeah, you messed up royally. What a see you next Tuesday you are.

Let’s stop with the notion that this was an accident. You absolutely, 100% set out to do this to your ex.

Shame on you.

Nope. Good for her. No shame here except for the dirtbag DH.

[Anonymous]

So is dad going on the trip with his mentee and her friend, hopefully sans DD?

[Anonymous]

So wait can 22 year olds not consent now?

[Anonymous]

Power differential. Harvey Weinstein.

[Anonymous]

Oh please with the power differential. If anything it goes the other way. He’s not a movie executive, he’s a divorced shlub.

Bottom line, you’re infantilizing an adult woman.

[Anonymous]

He is supposedly prominent in a scientific field and she is a grad student excited to get ahead via his mentoring. That happens.
Tell me you aren't in academia without...

[Anonymous]

This is timely. Headline today about Jennie Garth’s daughter struggling with this. It’s just wrong. There are lots of gorgeous younger more appropriate women out there. Men shouldn’t date women their kids age. This goes for fathers of daughters AND sons.

https://pagesix.com/2025/06/13/celebrity-news/jennie-garth-claims-peter-facinelli-looked-for-raya-date-as-young-as-daughter/