Why does this mom just rebuff even cordiality?

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this in my life too op. You’re not making it up, and you’re not making a huge complaint to us.. But it is curious enough you want to ask.

Reasons I’ve seen this (sort of found out later), or reasons I have done this.

-is the coach on the high school team. Knows SO many people. Doesn’t have a lot of bandwidth for knowing any more people
-I had little kids, she was there for her youngest kid, has older teens. Almost checked out of little kid stuff (Now, I am this mom).
-you talk so much and don’t let anyone out of the orbit. Make natural breaks and recognize if people are trying to end and walk away
-she had 7,000 things on her mind. Appeared friendly to others but stopped after a few. Possibly really needed something from those moms (“did you get the details for the girls softball registration?”)
-my old neighbor — having an affair. Caused weird social things, shame, not wanting to get to know anyone else

Last, completely unintentional. Just your perception or knows someone who looks like you (and didn’t like them). Weird human stuff.

[Anonymous]

Do you wear a mask outside?

[Anonymous]

OP my neighbor's husband is bizarrely hostile to me. I'm a nice single mom with a great tween and friendly with the whole street, except this guy. His wife is lovely and we chat easily when we see each other. I notice it because it's weird, but it's a 100% him thing. I use these moments to remind myself that when people are essentially asking for space and boundaries, give it to them. You don't need to chase someone's approval. It's also mature to remember you just won't be likeable to everyone you come across. Consider that the reason, if it's this difficult to figure out, likely doesn't matter. The other 4 moms seem to like you fine. That's a decent ratio!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people get butt hurt over god knows what. My kid used to play with a neighbors kid, they would badically take turns at each other's house. One day the neighbors kid was over and I heard them say "my mom said I'm not supposed to play here anymore". The mom still to this day has never said what happened and pretends she doesn't see me anytime we pass each other outside. It's quite awkward but like.. grow up. Tell me what your problem with me or my kid is to my face so it can be dealt with.

I told my kid I didn't want him playing with a neighborhood kid after he came home and asked me what a few things meant that were super not appropriate for their very young age. Have no idea where the kid picked the stuff up but I already had picked up a real weird vibe from the dad so that was the end of that.

[Anonymous]

This could be my elementary school because you have described the situation at our kindergarten pick up door perfectly. I do chat with a group of 6 moms, too, while our kids play! And often host impromptu play dates back at my house for one or two or three of them once we disperse!

I am trying really hard to think of there is a mom I don’t talk to as much. I know for a fact I don’t ignore anyone on purpose. Some moms I know better than others though? I do smile and say hi to everyone! I’m going to go crazy wondering if this is me now though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me?

I understand how awkward this feels, especially when everyone else in the circle chats freely. Still, the pattern you have described is telling. This mom gives you a quick acknowledgment and then pivots to someone else every time you try to engage. That is a polite but unmistakable boundary. When you keep nudging for conversation after she has signaled “no, thanks,” the dynamic flips. What began as friendliness starts to look like pressure, and yes, rudeness and controlling, because you are asking her to override her own comfort to satisfy yours. In any social setting each person has the right to choose where, and with whom, their energy goes. Pushing past a repeated silent “no” tramples that autonomy. It also puts her in the awkward spot of having to reject you again and again, which can feel like minor harassment even if your intentions are harmless. Good manners hinge on reading those small cues such as brief eye contact, angled shoulders, or a quick escape into a new conversation. Ignoring them sends the message that your need to be included outweighs her need to opt out. So what can you do? Offer a friendly greeting, smile, maybe comment on something the kids are doing, then let her decide whether to keep talking. If she does not, drop it. You can still be cordial. Hold a swing for her child, share a quick heads up about a class event, then move on. Accept that not every playground acquaintance ripens into a chat buddy. Respecting her quiet boundary keeps the space comfortable for everyone, including you.

[Anonymous]

The posters who keep insisting op did something wrong or her kid wronged that mom's kid are silly. There seems to always be at least one woman in a group of 4 or so moms who does this kind of thing for sport. It's controlling behavior. The person picks someone to ice out and it helps her establish dominance and the other women fall in line. It is the hallmark of a manipulative, immature person. Lots of women do this in groups. Often their own insecurities push them to this childish behavior. Often, once you get to know them, they will admit it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people are weird about people who are different in any way. All the other moms showing up in athleisure or jeans and a tee, and you’re in business attire. Older parent vs. younger. Parent of only one vs. more than one. Even your body type/weight, sadly. Whatever the “norm” for the group is, if you’re outside of it, some people will assume that you’re “too good” for the group and they won’t want to bother with you. I’d just keep carrying on - this area is so transient anyway, maybe the other mom will move away, ha ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The posters who keep insisting op did something wrong or her kid wronged that mom's kid are silly. There seems to always be at least one woman in a group of 4 or so moms who does this kind of thing for sport. It's controlling behavior. The person picks someone to ice out and it helps her establish dominance and the other women fall in line. It is the hallmark of a manipulative, immature person. Lots of women do this in groups. Often their own insecurities push them to this childish behavior. Often, once you get to know them, they will admit it.

+1

[Anonymous]

There are also people like that. Just ignore or don't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP my neighbor's husband is bizarrely hostile to me. I'm a nice single mom with a great tween and friendly with the whole street, except this guy. His wife is lovely and we chat easily when we see each other. I notice it because it's weird, but it's a 100% him thing. I use these moments to remind myself that when people are essentially asking for space and boundaries, give it to them. You don't need to chase someone's approval. It's also mature to remember you just won't be likeable to everyone you come across. Consider that the reason, if it's this difficult to figure out, likely doesn't matter. The other 4 moms seem to like you fine. That's a decent ratio!

This is exactly right. Well said.