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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me? [/quote]

I understand how awkward this feels, especially when everyone else in the circle chats freely. Still, the pattern you have described is telling. This mom gives you a quick acknowledgment and then pivots to someone else every time you try to engage. That is a polite but unmistakable boundary. When you keep nudging for conversation after she has signaled “no, thanks,” the dynamic flips. What began as friendliness starts to look like pressure, and yes, rudeness and controlling, because you are asking her to override her own comfort to satisfy yours. In any social setting each person has the right to choose where, and with whom, their energy goes. Pushing past a repeated silent “no” tramples that autonomy. It also puts her in the awkward spot of having to reject you again and again, which can feel like minor harassment even if your intentions are harmless. Good manners hinge on reading those small cues such as brief eye contact, angled shoulders, or a quick escape into a new conversation. Ignoring them sends the message that your need to be included outweighs her need to opt out. So what can you do? Offer a friendly greeting, smile, maybe comment on something the kids are doing, then let her decide whether to keep talking. If she does not, drop it. You can still be cordial. Hold a swing for her child, share a quick heads up about a class event, then move on. Accept that not every playground acquaintance ripens into a chat buddy. Respecting her quiet boundary keeps the space comfortable for everyone, including you.[/quote]

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