Why does this mom just rebuff even cordiality?

[Anonymous]

It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me?

[Anonymous]

Idk but if this is an anomaly in your life, it’s almost certainly not something you are doing, so don’t sweat it. It’s something she’s doing. So just keep being friendly and let it be.

[Anonymous]

I have way too much going on for this to bother me but if it (clearly does) bother you so much just ask her to coffee.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have way too much going on for this to bother me but if it (clearly does) bother you so much just ask her to coffee.

This!

I was like you when my kid first started school. I would look around at all these moms happily chatting and wonder how they all had gotten so close so fast. I had a sort of FOMO. Now my kid isn’t a kid anymore and is in high school and there is something so freeing about not having to be BFF with all of these parents. I haven’t even met some of my kids friends parents and it’s fine!

[Anonymous]

I have this exact situation and it turned out my husband dated her in college! I guess she thought I knew and was waiting for ME to make the first move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

Just keep killing being friendly, but I would stop trying to talk to her directly. Some women are super standoffish and normally it's much more about THEM than about YOU. I've been surprised at how many are like this at school events etc when I KNOW THEY KNOW who I am, but they will look right through me. Eventually you stop caring, and I just talk to the people I actually do like and ignore it.

If you are MAGA, that's what it is. So just a tip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

Just keep killing being friendly, but I would stop trying to talk to her directly. Some women are super standoffish and normally it's much more about THEM than about YOU. I've been surprised at how many are like this at school events etc when I KNOW THEY KNOW who I am, but they will look right through me. Eventually you stop caring, and I just talk to the people I actually do like and ignore it.

If you are MAGA, that's what it is. So just a tip.

Or she’s the MAGA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me?

You have.

You just aren't aware of it.

[Anonymous]

If you are SURE there is no other connection with her….She probably thinks your kid was mean to hers, and is holding a grudge.

Nothing else it could be really. It obviously isn’t anything super weird about you, since you get along with all the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

Just keep killing being friendly, but I would stop trying to talk to her directly. Some women are super standoffish and normally it's much more about THEM than about YOU. I've been surprised at how many are like this at school events etc when I KNOW THEY KNOW who I am, but they will look right through me. Eventually you stop caring, and I just talk to the people I actually do like and ignore it.

If you are MAGA, that's what it is. So just a tip.

Or she’s the MAGA.

Yeah, OP went out of her way to say they "don't talk politics." Which leads me to believe perhaps OP knows it is politics but wants to deny it since they haven't been discussing it. I think politics might be it -- even if they haven't "talked" about it. One of them knows the other is MAGA or wrongly thinks so (some weird thing happened at work where some of the younger people talked about me being a Republican ... which I am most certainly not) or something.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any older children? Or is kindergartner your oldest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me?

You have.

You just aren't aware of it.

Only I haven’t. She’s been like this since day one. She looks at me like I have corn growing out of my ears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

This would be my guess. Especially in K my kid reports back a lot of "we're best friends" / "we're not friends anymore" / "we're enemies" and if you run into a parent who takes this seriously they probably have heard a dozen stories where your kid is the villain. Talk to the other moms and don't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are SURE there is no other connection with her….She probably thinks your kid was mean to hers, and is holding a grudge.

Nothing else it could be really. It obviously isn’t anything super weird about you, since you get along with all the rest.

No, no other connections. If anyone was the mean one, and I don’t think either kid has been mean to the other, I would think HER child would be the culprit, if I’m being honest.