Why does this mom just rebuff even cordiality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me?

You have.

You just aren't aware of it.

Only I haven’t. She’s been like this since day one. She looks at me like I have corn growing out of my ears.

Yes. You have. Either you lack self awareness, or it was something really small that you don't understand can offend others.

Disagree. Some people dislike others at first sight. “Hate at first sight.”

Highly unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact situation and it turned out my husband dated her in college! I guess she thought I knew and was waiting for ME to make the first move.

lol that’s quite a reveal! Too funny. Did you guys laugh when you figured it out?

No, it was pretty awkward. I just said "I think you know Joe?" "Yes, when I saw your last name I knew you must be Joe's wife. How's his sister?" "She moved to (2000 miles away), we haven't seen her since before Covid." "Does she have kids?" "No." That was about it. We're polite now though.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people get butt hurt over god knows what. My kid used to play with a neighbors kid, they would badically take turns at each other's house. One day the neighbors kid was over and I heard them say "my mom said I'm not supposed to play here anymore". The mom still to this day has never said what happened and pretends she doesn't see me anytime we pass each other outside. It's quite awkward but like.. grow up. Tell me what your problem with me or my kid is to my face so it can be dealt with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people get butt hurt over god knows what. My kid used to play with a neighbors kid, they would badically take turns at each other's house. One day the neighbors kid was over and I heard them say "my mom said I'm not supposed to play here anymore". The mom still to this day has never said what happened and pretends she doesn't see me anytime we pass each other outside. It's quite awkward but like.. grow up. Tell me what your problem with me or my kid is to my face so it can be dealt with.

Something similar happened to me. My DS had a school friend over a few times when he was around 7. All had been well with the mom (friendly acquaintance) but after a few playdates she started not just blowing off requests for play dates but giving me the stink eye and/or pretended not to see me when we ran into each other.

Presumably something happened that she didn’t like, but I don’t see what it would be. The kids were well supervised when her DS was over, nothing unusual happened. I assume there was probably some disagreement between the boys either here or at school 🤷‍♀️ no idea. The boys continued to be friends at school.

[Anonymous]

OP is prob MAGA. I have MAGA neighbors and refuse to socialize with them in any way. My family’s livelihood has been affected by MAGA voters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is prob MAGA. I have MAGA neighbors and refuse to socialize with them in any way. My family’s livelihood has been affected by MAGA voters.

Yep. I'm nice to everyone, but I draw the time at anyone supporting this administration. You're dead to me if you think that's okay.

[Anonymous]

OP probably reminds the other woman of someone the other woman despises.

[Anonymous]

She’s weird. Weirdos abound everywhere. Move on.

[Anonymous]

It could be anything. Maybe she thinks your kid wronged her kid, somehow (whether or not they actually did). Maybe your kid made the kind of off the wall comment that kids do that gave her a bad impression of you. Maybe she has a weird hang-up and happened to overhear something that touched on one of her pet peeves, even if 99.99% of the population would never imagine it would be a problem. Maybe she heard an unfounded rumor from the school gossip that she believes. Maybe she has you confused with someone else at the school who actually is a terrible person. Maybe she overheard something out of context and got her feelings hurt. . .

There are countless possibilities that could be imagined to explain her behavior, but the only way to ever know would be to ask directly. I think you have 3 options: ask directly, kill her with kindness and hope that eventually she realizes what a great person you actually are, or just resign yourself to the fact that she doesn’t like you and ignore her. Personally, I’d probably go for option #2, but that’s just me - you do you.

[Anonymous]

We have a MAGA mom at school and a lot of people shun her. She might think people don't know but if you google her name, it's right there who she works for. Our kids are friends, so I am friendly with her, but I'm definitely not going to ever be her friend.

[Anonymous]

Were you mean to her in high school because she wasn't cool and now she has a makeover and you don't recognize her, but she recognizes you?

[Anonymous]

OMG, I’m not a MAGA and neither are any of these moms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I’ve never said or done anything to her." But you have said things out loud in front of the group that she has heard, and obviously she has formed an opinion of you, OP. What topics have you dove in on? What have you talked about? WHO have you talked about while standing with these other moms? Have you dissed anyone's kid out loud? Oh, they're not in AAP, I heard their kid has an IEP, their kid came to my house and, etc. What comes out of your mouth is your calling card, OP. So what have you said?

It’s this, for sure. She overheard you say something and it’s stuck in her craw (rightly or wrongly). You’re going to have to ignore her unless you are willing to confront her. Which I don’t necessarily recommend but it does amaze me how much could be solved with a cold stare and bluntly asking “what is your deal?” People where I’m from do stuff like that all the time but it’s pretty verboten in this area.

What happens when people from where you are from bluntly call someone out like that? Does the situation get better?

In my experience, it does usually get better. People either hash it out or realize they can’t get away with it. It’s a shift in the power dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people get butt hurt over god knows what. My kid used to play with a neighbors kid, they would badically take turns at each other's house. One day the neighbors kid was over and I heard them say "my mom said I'm not supposed to play here anymore". The mom still to this day has never said what happened and pretends she doesn't see me anytime we pass each other outside. It's quite awkward but like.. grow up. Tell me what your problem with me or my kid is to my face so it can be dealt with.

I think people like this are just looking for others to feel contempt. Its some sort of internal illness

[Anonymous]

Idk but some people are just weird. I have neighbors like this. My husband and I’ve been friendly to her and her husband ever since we moved in, we’re good neighbors (quiet, park in our own parking area, maintain our house and yard, etc), my kids go to school w her kids and are friends w her kids. We see them all the time bc they have a lot of the same friends (parents of our kids’ friends) we do and attend many school and neighborhood functions together. But if I try talking to her or even just greeting her when we pass by each other, she just will look at me like I have 2 heads and give no reply or a very curt or rude reply. Her husband is the same. It is totally bizarre. Sometimes we’ll be in a social setting and she’ll make a point of being faux nice to me in front of others, other times she’ll just ignore me as usual. People are always surprised to learn that we’re neighbors bc they are friends w both of us separately but we are quite clearly not close w each other.

I’m always wondering what did we do to them?? But I finally decided I have fully examined our past behavior and we literally haven’t done anything that could possibly be offensive or off putting to them. And no we’re not MAGA and neither are they.