Why does this mom just rebuff even cordiality?

[Anonymous]

Your kid did something mean to her kid at some point and she's holding a grudge.

Can you ask one of the other moms if they know what's up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

Just keep killing being friendly, but I would stop trying to talk to her directly. Some women are super standoffish and normally it's much more about THEM than about YOU. I've been surprised at how many are like this at school events etc when I KNOW THEY KNOW who I am, but they will look right through me. Eventually you stop caring, and I just talk to the people I actually do like and ignore it.

If you are MAGA, that's what it is. So just a tip.

Or she’s the MAGA.

Yeah, OP went out of her way to say they "don't talk politics." Which leads me to believe perhaps OP knows it is politics but wants to deny it since they haven't been discussing it. I think politics might be it -- even if they haven't "talked" about it. One of them knows the other is MAGA or wrongly thinks so (some weird thing happened at work where some of the younger people talked about me being a Republican ... which I am most certainly not) or something.

I prefaced my post with that because I know someone would ask “have you talked politics?” No, we haven’t. Nor religion, or anything else tricky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any older children? Or is kindergartner your oldest

She’s my oldest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are SURE there is no other connection with her….She probably thinks your kid was mean to hers, and is holding a grudge.

Nothing else it could be really. It obviously isn’t anything super weird about you, since you get along with all the rest.

No, no other connections. If anyone was the mean one, and I don’t think either kid has been mean to the other, I would think HER child would be the culprit, if I’m being honest.

That doesn't mean that's how it's being relayed to mom at home, though. We have one kid who is a budding Queen Bee in our K class (to the point that the teacher brought her up to at least 2 other moms at our PT conferences) who is a real jerk to all the other kids. I volunteered to chaperone a field trip and she spent every second she wasn't sniping other kids sucking up to me and the other adults very prettily. It was nuts to see - I wish I could see what media this kid consumes so I could ban it all at my house in perpetuity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are SURE there is no other connection with her….She probably thinks your kid was mean to hers, and is holding a grudge.

Nothing else it could be really. It obviously isn’t anything super weird about you, since you get along with all the rest.

No, no other connections. If anyone was the mean one, and I don’t think either kid has been mean to the other, I would think HER child would be the culprit, if I’m being honest.

That doesn't mean that's how it's being relayed to mom at home, though. We have one kid who is a budding Queen Bee in our K class (to the point that the teacher brought her up to at least 2 other moms at our PT conferences) who is a real jerk to all the other kids. I volunteered to chaperone a field trip and she spent every second she wasn't sniping other kids sucking up to me and the other adults very prettily. It was nuts to see - I wish I could see what media this kid consumes so I could ban it all at my house in perpetuity.

We may know the same kid!

[Anonymous]

Something is off with her. I hate people who aren't direct about whatever ails them. Instead of thinking about how she doesn't like you, think about her having her own problem that causes her to behave this way. And treat it with sympathy but set your own boundaries. Once I worked with someone who was jealous of my position and kept pretending like there was an issue with even walking down the hall and getting in her way. Once I stopped caring and just kept walking, she stopped. It was clearly just a ploy. Some people just have mental issues. Let them and stop caring about their actual problems unless they ask for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she thinks your kid was mean to her kid? Who knows. I'd chalk it up to "weird" and try to move on and be normal.

This would be my guess. Especially in K my kid reports back a lot of "we're best friends" / "we're not friends anymore" / "we're enemies" and if you run into a parent who takes this seriously they probably have heard a dozen stories where your kid is the villain. Talk to the other moms and don't worry about it.

+1 yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have way too much going on for this to bother me but if it (clearly does) bother you so much just ask her to coffee.

I would not do that. That’s too confrontative. Just give her space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are SURE there is no other connection with her….She probably thinks your kid was mean to hers, and is holding a grudge.

Nothing else it could be really. It obviously isn’t anything super weird about you, since you get along with all the rest.

No, no other connections. If anyone was the mean one, and I don’t think either kid has been mean to the other, I would think HER child would be the culprit, if I’m being honest.

That doesn't mean that's how it's being relayed to mom at home, though. We have one kid who is a budding Queen Bee in our K class (to the point that the teacher brought her up to at least 2 other moms at our PT conferences) who is a real jerk to all the other kids. I volunteered to chaperone a field trip and she spent every second she wasn't sniping other kids sucking up to me and the other adults very prettily. It was nuts to see - I wish I could see what media this kid consumes so I could ban it all at my house in perpetuity.

We may know the same kid!

There was a kid like this in 2 out of 3 of my DDs' kindergarten classes. They are everywhere. Mean girl behavior typically starts by age 4, it just looks a little different than it does in middle school.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I would try and sidebar another one of the moms to be like, hey do you know what's going on/see if they've also noticed.

[Anonymous]

"I’ve never said or done anything to her." But you have said things out loud in front of the group that she has heard, and obviously she has formed an opinion of you, OP. What topics have you dove in on? What have you talked about? WHO have you talked about while standing with these other moms? Have you dissed anyone's kid out loud? Oh, they're not in AAP, I heard their kid has an IEP, their kid came to my house and, etc. What comes out of your mouth is your calling card, OP. So what have you said?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I’ve never said or done anything to her." But you have said things out loud in front of the group that she has heard, and obviously she has formed an opinion of you, OP. What topics have you dove in on? What have you talked about? WHO have you talked about while standing with these other moms? Have you dissed anyone's kid out loud? Oh, they're not in AAP, I heard their kid has an IEP, their kid came to my house and, etc. What comes out of your mouth is your calling card, OP. So what have you said?

It’s this, for sure. She overheard you say something and it’s stuck in her craw (rightly or wrongly). You’re going to have to ignore her unless you are willing to confront her. Which I don’t necessarily recommend but it does amaze me how much could be solved with a cold stare and bluntly asking “what is your deal?” People where I’m from do stuff like that all the time but it’s pretty verboten in this area.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the PPs insisting that you must have done something. Sometimes that's just not the case. There are people who just don't like us or click with us and sometimes there's not a specific reason. Or sometimes the reason is based on totally superficial things that you may or may not have control over. You may never know what her deal is so don't waste time and energy wondering about it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t waste any more time worrying about this. Sometimes people will just not like you. Because they just don’t…not for any tangible reason. Other times, it is nothing to do with you- but rather is about them (a hangup they have, something they are going through etc).

I wouldn’t ask her about it, nor would I ask the other moms. Not really worth shaking things up. Enjoy the play dates for what they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the end of the year, I know, but I’m so bothered by this recently since the weather is warmer and nicer and everyone stays behind at pickup to swing and play.

There are six of us moms (kindergarten) who converge and chat at pickup, and even stay for a pop up playdate most afternoons. Every mom talks to every other mom, but there is one mom who refuses to talk to me. It feels so middle school, like she’s doing it on purpose. She will talk to each of the other four moms, but singles me out and refuses to engage in even group conversation with me. If I try back and forth with her, or to start a side conversation with her, she will sort of look at me in a silent recognition, and then move to start a new conversation with another mom. I’ve never said or done anything to her, I haven’t had the chance! In the group we don’t ever talk politics or religion or any other taboo topic.

What could it be about me? Everyone else is friendly and talkative, and she seems to have accepted the other four. So why not me?

Maybe you banged her husband back in the day