Wedding with kids question...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

I’m glad an extra $1200 isn’t a lot for you, but your assumptions about others, coupled with your nonchalance, are off putting.

Nonchalance? About what, the actual amount that I paid for my own wedding. That's a bizarre term in response to my description of expenses that I actually paid MYSELF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

But isn’t the whole thing supposed to be about the bride and groom? A family reunion or family party is about celebrating family. A wedding is literally celebrating the bride and groom.

Then the bride and groom need to accept that many people will decline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

It’s so short sighted though. hopefully their “joyous time” on one day makes up for the perhaps permanently weakened family connections cause by excluding kids that they were close to at one point. I mean OP threw them an engagement party! It’s the couple’s right to do what they want but these choices have consequences. They are clearly stating that family is not that important to them, so family will become more distanced and less connected.

[Anonymous]

DCUM women need to understand that their children are not the Second Coming. No reason to get so offended when their kids aren’t invited to a wedding. Take advantage and have a good adult time. The whole world does not revolve around your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

It’s so short sighted though. hopefully their “joyous time” on one day makes up for the perhaps permanently weakened family connections cause by excluding kids that they were close to at one point. I mean OP threw them an engagement party! It’s the couple’s right to do what they want but these choices have consequences. They are clearly stating that family is not that important to them, so family will become more distanced and less connected.

I agree with this. Someone in their twenties may not realize it, but for many middle aged and older people, a wedding is also a family reunion type event. Many times when people talk about the last time they saw someone it was at a wedding. My relative told me that he was very happy that his children saw my mother at my wedding and that their last memory of her was a happy one. His kids were 6-12 at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM women need to understand that their children are not the Second Coming. No reason to get so offended when their kids aren’t invited to a wedding. Take advantage and have a good adult time. The whole world does not revolve around your children.

Hope you enjoy me declining your wedding invite then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

It’s so short sighted though. hopefully their “joyous time” on one day makes up for the perhaps permanently weakened family connections cause by excluding kids that they were close to at one point. I mean OP threw them an engagement party! It’s the couple’s right to do what they want but these choices have consequences. They are clearly stating that family is not that important to them, so family will become more distanced and less connected.

I agree with this. Someone in their twenties may not realize it, but for many middle aged and older people, a wedding is also a family reunion type event. Many times when people talk about the last time they saw someone it was at a wedding. My relative told me that he was very happy that his children saw my mother at my wedding and that their last memory of her was a happy one. His kids were 6-12 at the wedding.

+1. happy memories are made for everyone. I guess the current trend is to believe that the happy memories are only for the bride and groom but that seems really sad tbh. I can (sort of) understand wanting really small kids not to come to a late reception but excluding kids who are older is just sad, cramped and dry to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

I’m glad an extra $1200 isn’t a lot for you, but your assumptions about others, coupled with your nonchalance, are off putting.

Nonchalance? About what, the actual amount that I paid for my own wedding. That's a bizarre term in response to my description of expenses that I actually paid MYSELF.

So aggressive.

Your nonchalance that “an extra $1200” is a “drop in the bucket.” That’s not the case for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM women need to understand that their children are not the Second Coming. No reason to get so offended when their kids aren’t invited to a wedding. Take advantage and have a good adult time. The whole world does not revolve around your children.

The bride and groom should really have said something to the OP or her teenager about it in person though. It sounds like they are pretty close and definitely talking about the wedding together. They threw an engagement party.
I get that a 14 year old girl isn’t the second coming, but she deserves better than to just not have her name on the invitation when it shows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM women need to understand that their children are not the Second Coming. No reason to get so offended when their kids aren’t invited to a wedding. Take advantage and have a good adult time. The whole world does not revolve around your children.

I agree! No kid weddings are great. Most are elegant affairs starting after 6:00pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got a save the date for my cousin's wedding and it was addressed to only my husband and I, not the ___ family. Should I assume my kids (age 7 and 13) are definitely not invited? I am a bit surprised they wouldn't include them. I understand when people don't want babies/toddlers there. Trying not to take it personally as I know they tried to save money on the wedding by having it on a Monday. It's on the West coast, so if they really aren't invited, not sure my husband can go as we would need childcare from a Fri to Tues and his family is 6 hours away and they work. We would both want to go, and my 13 year old was looking forward to it, but I had to tell him they maybe aren't invited.
Anyway, is it worth asking them to confirm (in a polite way of course) or just leave it alone and assume from the envelope they aren't invited?
We were very close over the last year or so as they moved near us for work and we spent a good amount of time with them. They came to my kids games, etc. I had an engagement party for them.
Thanks!

Me. It was addressed to only my husband and me. You wouldn't say it was addressed to only I, right? That's how you can tell.
I really hate how often people are wrong about this. Also constant use of myself instead of me. When did we become so afraid of the word me?

Anyway. It sounds like it might be an adults only wedding, and even though your kids are older and close to them, they are still not adults. I would try to reach out to someone else and just ask if it's adults only. Then don't take it personally. Understand the logistics issues, but that is really not for the wedding couple to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

It’s so short sighted though. hopefully their “joyous time” on one day makes up for the perhaps permanently weakened family connections cause by excluding kids that they were close to at one point. I mean OP threw them an engagement party! It’s the couple’s right to do what they want but these choices have consequences. They are clearly stating that family is not that important to them, so family will become more distanced and less connected.

I agree with this. Someone in their twenties may not realize it, but for many middle aged and older people, a wedding is also a family reunion type event. Many times when people talk about the last time they saw someone it was at a wedding. My relative told me that he was very happy that his children saw my mother at my wedding and that their last memory of her was a happy one. His kids were 6-12 at the wedding.

+1. happy memories are made for everyone. I guess the current trend is to believe that the happy memories are only for the bride and groom but that seems really sad tbh. I can (sort of) understand wanting really small kids not to come to a late reception but excluding kids who are older is just sad, cramped and dry to me.

I married 34 years ago and it was adults only. My cramped and dry (wtf does that even mean?) wedding was apparently ahead of the trend. Also, you can't exclude just some kids. It's either adults only or you invite all the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

That is really insanely rude behaviour. Good God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

I’m glad an extra $1200 isn’t a lot for you, but your assumptions about others, coupled with your nonchalance, are off putting.

Nonchalance? About what, the actual amount that I paid for my own wedding. That's a bizarre term in response to my description of expenses that I actually paid MYSELF.

So aggressive.

Your nonchalance that “an extra $1200” is a “drop in the bucket.” That’s not the case for everyone.

DP. I’m not sure where you are coming from. PP’s point was that adding an extra 5% to the cost of her wedding to accommodate unexpected guests (older child, significant other, etc.) wasn’t a huge deal. The number was $1200 for her, but if you are having a less expensive wedding, then adding a few guests would be less.