Wedding with kids question...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I decided to check their wedding website and found the answer!!! So maybe we will bring the kids after all and they can just skip the wedding. My oldest will be 14 so can babysit my youngest. Phew! Glad I read this before stressing any further.... thanks for all your responses!

While we love your little ones, please note this is an adults-only celebration. The only exceptions are the children of bridesmaids and groomsmen. We recognize that some of you will be traveling with your kids, so please know they are welcome to the weekend events leading up to the ceremony. If you need help finding babysitters in the area for Monday we are happy to help connect you with someone. Thank you for your understanding.

Please reach out if you have questions!

Honestly, that’s so selfish of them.

+1

And a wedding on a Monday? (Meaning guests have to take more PTO from work). Ugh!!!

And of course I would never say anything, nor should OP.

I would probably just decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Why would anyone pay tens of thousands of dollars to take photos with some rando relatives and their offspring? They'd be better off eloping at some gorgeous location around the world without all the free loading relatives clamoring to come to free dinner and booze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

Most people in the DC area do not drop $20K + on a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

Most people in the DC area do not drop $20K + on a wedding.

20K would be on the low side. Nicer weddings run around 45-50K now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

Most people in the DC area do not drop $20K + on a wedding.

They do if they are serving food and alcohol to more than 100 people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So tacky to not include family kids. OP, my cousin (only cousin - we’re a small family) is getting married next month and my teenagers aren’t invited. Teenagers! It’s a black tie deal, rich bride, signature wedding cocktail situation. I give it 5 yrs.

Most black tie weddings don't include non adults. It's not a money thing usually.

This. We are going to my cousin’s wedding in a few months and it is black tie and no kids. Generally black tie events are in the evening and at $$ venues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

But isn’t the whole thing supposed to be about the bride and groom? A family reunion or family party is about celebrating family. A wedding is literally celebrating the bride and groom.

What? It’s not a special celebration of your life. It’s not a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Post like this suck. Your kids were not invited and you go on and on about all the things focused on you as to why she should then invite the kids as a favor. “I did the engagement party.” “I invited them to my kids games.” “I thought we were close.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

You seem to be implying "no kids weddings" are a new thing. But I'm 48 and remember happily staying home with my brother while my parents went off to weddings. I was 21 the first time I was invited to a wedding.

That’s so interesting. Where did you grow up?

I grew up Catholic in the Midwest. My parents are a doctor and a lawyer, so we were pretty firmly UMC, but I had never heard of a child-free wedding until I was an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

I’m glad an extra $1200 isn’t a lot for you, but your assumptions about others, coupled with your nonchalance, are off putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I decided to check their wedding website and found the answer!!! So maybe we will bring the kids after all and they can just skip the wedding. My oldest will be 14 so can babysit my youngest. Phew! Glad I read this before stressing any further.... thanks for all your responses!

While we love your little ones, please note this is an adults-only celebration. The only exceptions are the children of bridesmaids and groomsmen. We recognize that some of you will be traveling with your kids, so please know they are welcome to the weekend events leading up to the ceremony. If you need help finding babysitters in the area for Monday we are happy to help connect you with someone. Thank you for your understanding.

Please reach out if you have questions!

This is a very gracious way to put it. I’m glad they made it clear on their site.
I do understand your 14 year old’s disappointment, though. I would have been looking forward to this at 14 too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Post like this suck. Your kids were not invited and you go on and on about all the things focused on you as to why she should then invite the kids as a favor. “I did the engagement party.” “I invited them to my kids games.” “I thought we were close.”

You should read the follow-ups before making rude comments.
The OP seems very nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids are not invited. Leave it alone. Yay, don't take it personally. Certainly the couple realize there is a chance neither of you will come. You should go, if you want to. No reason you and DH have to go as a couple. Send your rsvp in right away. That way, if the couple thinks about it and wonders "why" it could prompt a discussion (unlikely though)

I wouldn’t assume that someone who threw me an engagement party wasn’t going to come to my wedding.
The cousin probably should have said something to the OP or the daughter directly instead of just leaving her name off the save the date and posting about it on her website.