Wedding with kids question...

[Anonymous]

We attended a formal wedding last night and it was so nice and elegant. It didn’t hit me until this morning that there were no kids. Our kids are grown so we didn’t know it was a no kids wedding. But it was really nice that there were no kids interrupting the ceremony, the reception, and the dance floor was filled with adults having a great time without having to worry about bumping into little kids.

We included kids when we got married and kids definitely made noise during our ceremony and took over the dance floor. But I totally understand why couples prefer it this way and tbh might have done no kids if I had it to do over again.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

It’s so short sighted though. hopefully their “joyous time” on one day makes up for the perhaps permanently weakened family connections cause by excluding kids that they were close to at one point. I mean OP threw them an engagement party! It’s the couple’s right to do what they want but these choices have consequences. They are clearly stating that family is not that important to them, so family will become more distanced and less connected.

I agree with this. Someone in their twenties may not realize it, but for many middle aged and older people, a wedding is also a family reunion type event. Many times when people talk about the last time they saw someone it was at a wedding. My relative told me that he was very happy that his children saw my mother at my wedding and that their last memory of her was a happy one. His kids were 6-12 at the wedding.

+1. happy memories are made for everyone. I guess the current trend is to believe that the happy memories are only for the bride and groom but that seems really sad tbh. I can (sort of) understand wanting really small kids not to come to a late reception but excluding kids who are older is just sad, cramped and dry to me.

I married 34 years ago and it was adults only. My cramped and dry (wtf does that even mean?) wedding was apparently ahead of the trend. Also, you can't exclude just some kids. It's either adults only or you invite all the kids.

It’s not all or nothing. You can invite some kids. In the wedding in this thread, they are inviting the kids of the bridal party.
Also, inviting kids pretty much never means the kids of your friends and co-workers. I’ve been to a lot of weddings with kids, and it’s generally just family.
I’ve also been to weddings that were more or less adults only, but teenage cousins were included.
This doesn’t have to be black and white at all, and it almost never is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mayne if you ask they will include the kids. I had people add people to RSVP's and I managed to accommodate them. My wedding already included kids..There were about 12 kids in the 3-11 age range. The other "additions" were 5-6 people adding a date or a sibling. It was a little annoying, but later when I was a wedding guest I realized that weddings are a guaranteed happy event, and I understood why people wanted to come.

It can just be hard to see that when you are planning and thinking about $$.

If you asked me, I would have no problem saying no, and would never invite you to ANYTHING I hosted ever again.

People certainly do have a choice to end relationships over wedding planning..

That was not my choice because it's a wedding and it's supposed to be joyous. In the end adding 12-15 people did not break the bank when you consider the ridiculous cost of everything associated with a wedding.

It's cute how you seem incapable of fathoming that not everyone has unlimited budgets. Or that for some people, having children at their wedding ruins their joyous time.

I certainly did not have an unlimited budget. Adding 11-15 people costs about 1000-1200.. That is a drop in the bucket compared to the cost of food, alcohol, photography, etc. I did not have a big wedding at all (85-90) and it still was about $25000. Most of it was the reception venue and alcohol. What I am saying is that considering most people in DC area easily drop $20k+ on a wedding, an extra $1200 is nothing. And I know exactly how much everything costs because I booked my own vendors, used my credit cards and paid it off myself. I am not in fantasy land about the cost of a wedding.

I’m glad an extra $1200 isn’t a lot for you, but your assumptions about others, coupled with your nonchalance, are off putting.

Nonchalance? About what, the actual amount that I paid for my own wedding. That's a bizarre term in response to my description of expenses that I actually paid MYSELF.

So aggressive.

Your nonchalance that “an extra $1200” is a “drop in the bucket.” That’s not the case for everyone.

I'll explain it for you in simpler terms. No, $1200 is not a drop I'm the bucket on a normal day. It is however a drop in the bucket when you are throwing a wedding with 100+ guests, which already costs more than $15- 20,000. At that point worrying about $1200 is like complaining about $15 on a $250 bill.

And you are wrong if you think that you can have a wedding in DC with food and alcohol for less than that amount. Try planning a weddings you will see. Many places charge $5k just to rent the event room before you even pay for food and alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We attended a formal wedding last night and it was so nice and elegant. It didn’t hit me until this morning that there were no kids. Our kids are grown so we didn’t know it was a no kids wedding. But it was really nice that there were no kids interrupting the ceremony, the reception, and the dance floor was filled with adults having a great time without having to worry about bumping into little kids.

We included kids when we got married and kids definitely made noise during our ceremony and took over the dance floor. But I totally understand why couples prefer it this way and tbh might have done no kids if I had it to do over again.

I have been to a lot of weddings with kids, and never seen this happen.
Most of the kids are tweens and teens with a couple of toddlers or babies in arms. None of them are interested in taking over the dance floor.
(That’s almost always left to the MOB’s divorced friend from college who gets way too drunk and starts dirty dancing with her date and showing more skin than anyone needs to see on a 60 year old lady.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We attended a formal wedding last night and it was so nice and elegant. It didn’t hit me until this morning that there were no kids. Our kids are grown so we didn’t know it was a no kids wedding. But it was really nice that there were no kids interrupting the ceremony, the reception, and the dance floor was filled with adults having a great time without having to worry about bumping into little kids.

We included kids when we got married and kids definitely made noise during our ceremony and took over the dance floor. But I totally understand why couples prefer it this way and tbh might have done no kids if I had it to do over again.

I have been to a lot of weddings with kids, and never seen this happen.
Most of the kids are tweens and teens with a couple of toddlers or babies in arms. None of them are interested in taking over the dance floor.
(That’s almost always left to the MOB’s divorced friend from college who gets way too drunk and starts dirty dancing with her date and showing more skin than anyone needs to see on a 60 year old lady.)

It’s nice of you to feel the need to contradict what occurred at our own wedding. I never said that it happens at every wedding with kids. I said it happened at ours.

I’ve also never experienced weddings with drunk divorced friends dirty dancing but not saying that you haven’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I decided to check their wedding website and found the answer!!! So maybe we will bring the kids after all and they can just skip the wedding. My oldest will be 14 so can babysit my youngest. Phew! Glad I read this before stressing any further.... thanks for all your responses!

While we love your little ones, please note this is an adults-only celebration. The only exceptions are the children of bridesmaids and groomsmen. We recognize that some of you will be traveling with your kids, so please know they are welcome to the weekend events leading up to the ceremony. If you need help finding babysitters in the area for Monday we are happy to help connect you with someone. Thank you for your understanding.

Please reach out if you have questions!

I think they worded that very graciously.

That’s not gracious. I’d decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We attended a formal wedding last night and it was so nice and elegant. It didn’t hit me until this morning that there were no kids. Our kids are grown so we didn’t know it was a no kids wedding. But it was really nice that there were no kids interrupting the ceremony, the reception, and the dance floor was filled with adults having a great time without having to worry about bumping into little kids.

We included kids when we got married and kids definitely made noise during our ceremony and took over the dance floor. But I totally understand why couples prefer it this way and tbh might have done no kids if I had it to do over again.

I have been to a lot of weddings with kids, and never seen this happen.
Most of the kids are tweens and teens with a couple of toddlers or babies in arms. None of them are interested in taking over the dance floor.
(That’s almost always left to the MOB’s divorced friend from college who gets way too drunk and starts dirty dancing with her date and showing more skin than anyone needs to see on a 60 year old lady.)

It’s nice of you to feel the need to contradict what occurred at our own wedding. I never said that it happens at every wedding with kids. I said it happened at ours.

I’ve also never experienced weddings with drunk divorced friends dirty dancing but not saying that you haven’t.

Sorry. I was making a joke.

And come on. It sounds like you had a number of very young kids at your wedding. I seriously doubt that OP’s 14 year old is going to make noise during the ceremony or take over the dance floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

“Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited.”

Why? You get to dictate your own actions, you don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to these actions.

I fully believe people have a right to invite who they want. But when they don’t invite the kids, I am not going to show up and I will be much less inclined to be close to them or bend over for favors in the future. They may not care about that and that’s fair enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

“Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited.”

Why? You get to dictate your own actions, you don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to these actions.

I fully believe people have a right to invite who they want. But when they don’t invite the kids, I am not going to show up and I will be much less inclined to be close to them or bend over for favors in the future. They may not care about that and that’s fair enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

“Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited.”

Why? You get to dictate your own actions, you don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to these actions.

I fully believe people have a right to invite who they want. But when they don’t invite the kids, I am not going to show up and I will be much less inclined to be close to them or bend over for favors in the future. They may not care about that and that’s fair enough.

You never attend a social event without your kids?! How bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

“Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited.”

Why? You get to dictate your own actions, you don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to these actions.

I fully believe people have a right to invite who they want. But when they don’t invite the kids, I am not going to show up and I will be much less inclined to be close to them or bend over for favors in the future. They may not care about that and that’s fair enough.

You never attend a social event without your kids?! How bizarre.

Not one that I have to fly to and that all of my extended family (ie. potential overnight sitters) is also attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

“Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited.”

Why? You get to dictate your own actions, you don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to these actions.

I fully believe people have a right to invite who they want. But when they don’t invite the kids, I am not going to show up and I will be much less inclined to be close to them or bend over for favors in the future. They may not care about that and that’s fair enough.

You never attend a social event without your kids?! How bizarre.

Not one that I have to fly to and that all of my extended family (ie. potential overnight sitters) is also attending.

So just decline, who cares? You still don’t need the hurt feelings which is what you were responding to. Decline and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

Oh please - some of us have large families. I have 22 cousins on just one side. Once you add in their spouses or partners and kids, that would have been close to 100 people just there. There should be no blanket statements about who should or should not be invited. It’s all so dependent on the specifics of each wedding. Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited. It’s an invite, not a requirement. Just rsvp no if it doesn’t work for you.

“Guests need to stop getting hurt feelings if their kids are not invited.”

Why? You get to dictate your own actions, you don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to these actions.

I fully believe people have a right to invite who they want. But when they don’t invite the kids, I am not going to show up and I will be much less inclined to be close to them or bend over for favors in the future. They may not care about that and that’s fair enough.

You never attend a social event without your kids?! How bizarre.

Not one that I have to fly to and that all of my extended family (ie. potential overnight sitters) is also attending.

So just decline, who cares? You still don’t need the hurt feelings which is what you were responding to. Decline and move on.

DP. You really think that it’s fine for you to not care if someone comes to your wedding or not, but you still expect them to listen to your problems and bend over backwards to do you favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I decided to check their wedding website and found the answer!!! So maybe we will bring the kids after all and they can just skip the wedding. My oldest will be 14 so can babysit my youngest. Phew! Glad I read this before stressing any further.... thanks for all your responses!

While we love your little ones, please note this is an adults-only celebration. The only exceptions are the children of bridesmaids and groomsmen. We recognize that some of you will be traveling with your kids, so please know they are welcome to the weekend events leading up to the ceremony. If you need help finding babysitters in the area for Monday we are happy to help connect you with someone. Thank you for your understanding.

Please reach out if you have questions!

Honestly, that’s so selfish of them.

No it is not.
I do not want your kids at my wedding.

My sister begged me to have her DD at my daughters wedding. Only kid on either side because my children are 20 years older at min than my sisters child. Not only was it not good for the other guests it was not good for my niece. She did not want to be there.

Kids are not required at weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cousins kids not being invited seems rude to me especially when the grandparents are likely attending the wedding too. But I feel like more and more of these weddings are just photo ops for the bride and groom, rather than celebrating family.

You seem to be implying "no kids weddings" are a new thing. But I'm 48 and remember happily staying home with my brother while my parents went off to weddings. I was 21 the first time I was invited to a wedding.

That’s so interesting. Where did you grow up?

I grew up Catholic in the Midwest. My parents are a doctor and a lawyer, so we were pretty firmly UMC, but I had never heard of a child-free wedding until I was an adult.

I'm not the PP but I also didn't attend a wedding until I was an adult and it was my own friends getting married. Most all of them also had child free weddings so it was pretty unfamiliar to me that anyone would consider inviting kids. I'm Episcopal from NYC.