Any "older" parents ever consider "starting over" & trying for one more baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no guarantee the baby would be healthy. I know a family that did this and ended up with a severely autistic child.

Oh so now we're blaming autism on parental age? WTF?

Reading is fundamental. No one is saying it’s parental age. It’s just rolling the dice and they could always end up with severely autistic child.

This could have happened with one of her first two, also.

This. What number of kids are we supposed to stop at because the risks suddenly become too high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think very few parents regret doing this. I thought about it, but I enjoy having more time with my tween and teen now. And for my vanity’s sake, I didn’t want to be the 45 year old mom surrounded by 35 year olds with a kid in first grade.

I'm the 44 year old mom with a kid in 2nd grade, so close to your hypothetical. And honestly, most moms of the other kids seem to be in their 40s. I actually felt like the odd one out when I had my first child at age 29. People called me a "baby" all the time, ugh.

That poster must not be in the DC area. The assumption that most moms would have had their kids in their 20s doesn't really hold here. Like you say, if anything it's the opposite. It is what it is, but a 45 year old mom of a 1st grader would not stick out.

I was the 45yo 1st grade mom. I’m now the 46yo 2nd grade mom. I don’t feel old or out of place at all. I’m fit and youngish looking. No one treats me like an older mom.

I do feel young when I go to my oldest’s high school. There are some moms who can also be grandmothers.

[Anonymous]

I am a 53 year old grandmother of 2. I had my daughter when I was 24 and she had her kids at 26 and 28- after she completed her masters.
She and her husband own their own home (SFH, not a townhouse)
I get asked allllllll the time if I am the mom and when I say no I'm the grandma people ask if I was 16 when I became a parent.
The rudeness works both ways. Let's all just be happy for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no guarantee the baby would be healthy. I know a family that did this and ended up with a severely autistic child.

Oh so now we're blaming autism on parental age? WTF?

Reading is fundamental. No one is saying it’s parental age. It’s just rolling the dice and they could always end up with severely autistic child.

This could have happened with one of her first two, also.

Yeah? But it didn’t…I think PP was just saying every pregnancy has risk and each kid has potential to have autism or other things…it’s always a roll of the dice. And it would be wise to consider how that might affect you, your spouse, and the kids you already have, and if you have the resources to care for a kid who has more needs than a neurotypical kid.

[Anonymous]

Go for it!! Have two more if you can. You’re still young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of posts by parents who love the large age gap but has anyone been part of the older kids whose parents had another kid much later? From the kid perspective were you close with your youngest sibling or not until adulthood.

Most people I know who were the kids in this scenario did not appreciate the change in family nearly as much as their parents proclaimed they did. They also didn’t have much of a relationship until they were all adults due to being at such different stages of life. Some resented being expected to babysit.

🙋‍♀️ I was the oldest of 3 kids w a large age gap and while I love my siblings, I really did not love it when the 3rd was born bc of how much it changed our whole family dynamic and how I was expected to babysit and do lots of chores from that point on (I was 11 when the youngest was born and it was at that point that I basically became a mini-adult/3rd parent). If you do this, Op, just be sure not to parentify your older kids and make sure you make time for them and still let them be kids.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. My kids are 8 & 10 and my 8yr old has recently become friends with two different kids who have youngest siblings who are 2-3 yrs old. We like these families, but there are so many things we cannot do together because of naps, not stroller friendly, youngest kid can’t swim, etc. We make an effort to get together in a way that works for their family, but it always feels like a huge compromise. We’re in a different life phase and I love the phase we’re in where our kids can go snorkeling, paddle their own kayak, hike several miles, etc. Heck, my kids wipe their own butts, pack their own snacks, and can apply sunscreen (with supervision).

Being around babies and toddlers is a great reminder that we are DONE and happy about that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 53 year old grandmother of 2. I had my daughter when I was 24 and she had her kids at 26 and 28- after she completed her masters.
She and her husband own their own home (SFH, not a townhouse)
I get asked allllllll the time if I am the mom and when I say no I'm the grandma people ask if I was 16 when I became a parent.
The rudeness works both ways. Let's all just be happy for each other.

Jesus Christ lol

[Anonymous]

If your oldest is 10, you are 5-6 years into being an elementary school parent. If you get pregnant now, when your oldest goes to college in 7 years you will have a 1st grader and 11 more years of school events + 4 years of college ahead of you.

Does that sound fun? Or awful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of posts by parents who love the large age gap but has anyone been part of the older kids whose parents had another kid much later? From the kid perspective were you close with your youngest sibling or not until adulthood.

Most people I know who were the kids in this scenario did not appreciate the change in family nearly as much as their parents proclaimed they did. They also didn’t have much of a relationship until they were all adults due to being at such different stages of life. Some resented being expected to babysit.

🙋‍♀️ I was the oldest of 3 kids w a large age gap and while I love my siblings, I really did not love it when the 3rd was born bc of how much it changed our whole family dynamic and how I was expected to babysit and do lots of chores from that point on (I was 11 when the youngest was born and it was at that point that I basically became a mini-adult/3rd parent). If you do this, Op, just be sure not to parentify your older kids and make sure you make time for them and still let them be kids.

+1 the older children in these situations lose out unless the parents are really capable

[Anonymous]

I would have done this in a heartbeat, but my spouse didn’t want anymore kids. My parents had 2 “sets” of kid 13 years apart. I don’t think anyone regrets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 53 year old grandmother of 2. I had my daughter when I was 24 and she had her kids at 26 and 28- after she completed her masters.
She and her husband own their own home (SFH, not a townhouse)
I get asked allllllll the time if I am the mom and when I say no I'm the grandma people ask if I was 16 when I became a parent.
The rudeness works both ways. Let's all just be happy for each other.

I would take it as a compliment that you look young. My friend’s mom is late fifties and looks great. She could be a very old mom, but looks like the young grandma. I told her I would never think she is grandmother and I think I made her day.

There are moms of teens who are also grandparents if they had a large age gap. I know several moms who have kids in high school who also have married adult children and are grandparents. I would guess they are around 55 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of posts by parents who love the large age gap but has anyone been part of the older kids whose parents had another kid much later? From the kid perspective were you close with your youngest sibling or not until adulthood.

Most people I know who were the kids in this scenario did not appreciate the change in family nearly as much as their parents proclaimed they did. They also didn’t have much of a relationship until they were all adults due to being at such different stages of life. Some resented being expected to babysit.

🙋‍♀️ I was the oldest of 3 kids w a large age gap and while I love my siblings, I really did not love it when the 3rd was born bc of how much it changed our whole family dynamic and how I was expected to babysit and do lots of chores from that point on (I was 11 when the youngest was born and it was at that point that I basically became a mini-adult/3rd parent). If you do this, Op, just be sure not to parentify your older kids and make sure you make time for them and still let them be kids.

+1 the older children in these situations lose out unless the parents are really capable

I had a large gap but I stayed home with my third child. I was a working mom with the older two. My older kids did not become mini adults but they were 6 and 8 when third was born. They do very limited chores as teens. My third child does equal amount as chores as the teens without the complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 37 and I have two boys who are 10 & 7. I have felt like we are *done* for years but I've changed so much as a person and parent since my kids were little. Our lives have changed significantly, and I now work in a job that closely aligns with my kids' school schedule, where I get my full summers off. We live in a single-family home with a nice yard and have developed great relationships in our community. My parenting style has changed drastically. Practically speaking, I know that adding a 3rd child so that I would have a newborn, elementary kid, and middle schooler would probably be a terrible idea but part of me questions it anyways. I love all the different ages. Have any of you questioned this??

I am 37 with an almost 2, almost 4, and 6 year old. I am so glad that my youngest is almost 2. The baby years are great, but also very physically tiring and a constant juggle. I can understand that you are a much calmer, more grounded parent now then you were at 27 or 29. Some of that is age and confidence and feeling settled, but some of it may be that you’re finding the older years easier or more enjoyable. If you go for a third, you’re going to have 4 years (I’m including pregnancy) of being more physically exhausted and 4 more years after that before your youngest is really independent like your 8 year old is now.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not, not ever. I love big kids and the older they get, the more you can get to know them as the people they will be, not just the kids they currently are. Wouldn't dream of losing these years to the distraction of a baby/toddler.