Any "older" parents ever consider "starting over" & trying for one more baby?
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Anonymous
| I'm 37 and I have two boys who are 10 & 7. I have felt like we are *done* for years but I've changed so much as a person and parent since my kids were little. Our lives have changed significantly, and I now work in a job that closely aligns with my kids' school schedule, where I get my full summers off. We live in a single-family home with a nice yard and have developed great relationships in our community. My parenting style has changed drastically. Practically speaking, I know that adding a 3rd child so that I would have a newborn, elementary kid, and middle schooler would probably be a terrible idea but part of me questions it anyways. I love all the different ages. Have any of you questioned this?? |
Anonymous
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I had my youngest at 37, with a 9 year spread. He is a joy to have in our family, and I’ve loved being able to cherish the baby stage in a way I couldn’t when my older kids were little. I am more patient and secure in my parenting now. The wider age gap means the older ones are a bit more independent, plus they will remember seeing their younger sibling grow up.
I recognize it won’t always be as easy as it is now. But I am so glad we decided to try for another. |
Anonymous
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I have a married friend who had an oops baby with a large gap to two older sisters...probably about ten years.
They thoroughly enjoyed raising the youngest. Except for racing to daycare for pickup. The youngest is Mommy's little engineer clone. The older daughters went their own way (oldest became a dancer). I think it went well because the parents were excited and also experienced and financially stable. Growing up I lived next door to two late elementary boys who had a pair of older sisters who were out of the house (I don't know if they were steps or not...they were never discussed to be steps.) It can work. |
Anonymous
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Lots of people do this. I have a friend with 4 kids and there’s like almost 25 years between the birth of the first and the birth of the last.
It seems crazy to me and also beautiful. She tells me her last kid is the best one haha. |
Anonymous
Wow, that’s toxic. Wonder if her other three kids find it so beautiful. |
Anonymous
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I have an 8th grader and am excited to be expecting!
Similar situation in that our lives are so much more settled and comfortable now. We own a SFH with plenty of space and a yard in a nice community oriented neighborhood. DH has been promoted in his career. I can step back for the baby years. I’m so much more patient and have a different perspective. Also, we love being parents so much that we aren’t ready to be empty nesters in 4 years! When I was younger, we really wanted more children but couldn’t afford to. Daycare or a nanny weren’t financially feasible and I couldn’t scale back at work. We were renting a small place for the commute because hours were long. We invested all of our time/energy/resources into the one we had. It’s been great and I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to have a baby now (early 40s). Good luck to you! |
Anonymous
| I'm that baby. There's a 7 year gap between me and my sister. FwIW we are quite close as adults. |
Anonymous
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With a rising senior in high school
And rising sophomore in college (born when I was 38), I can’t imagine it. My husband and I were just talking about imagine starting all over. We were very very present and loved every stage—but good God if someone told me I had to go through infancy, toddler, preschool, etc all over again…no! We are finally enjoying such freedom. We are close with our kids and they are very close to one another, We have neighbors with a 1.5 year old and we have been seeing the beginning (and their stress) and no thanks. I’m ready for coming and going whenever I want and travel not encumbered by school schedules. |
Anonymous
| If I was young enough, the thought of having all those placenta hormones again sounds lovely! But it’s a different level of tired having young kids at 37 and into your 40s. Prepare yourself. |
Anonymous
| There’s no guarantee the baby would be healthy. I know a family that did this and ended up with a severely autistic child. |
Anonymous
| ^ Also be realistic about the costs. About your mid40s your job starts to drain you in a new way and you start to realize retirement is around the corner so make sure you’re financially on a good path to cover your retirement and anything you plan to pay for your kids school and any aging parent expenses. |
Anonymous
| 5 miscarriages later and it’s not happening for me, OP. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
This is what happened to a good friend of mine and it changed the entire dynamic of the family, especially their three older kids. I know they love their youngest but it truly changed everything for the family |
Anonymous
| I’d go for it. I started late due to infertility and currently 38 with baby 2 on the way. I wanted 3 but don’t feel like doing this again at 40. My parents had an unplanned 4th with a 10-7 year age gap with the rest of us and he’s been such a great addition to the family and everyone’s favorite. |
Anonymous
| No way. I have an 18 and 15 year old. If I'm not ready to be an empty nester when the youngest graduates, I'll sign up to be a foster parent. I don't want to commit to another 18 years. |