Straight kid being teased as gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what people think,if he's not gay then he would not be bothered by that.

Pretty much this.

Every male kid calls other kids "fag" "homo" etc. just kidding around boy talk, and if they get a reaction they like, then they often continue the teasing.

[Anonymous]

Speech therapy?

[Anonymous]

It is an awful experience for anyone to go through. Please be supportive. He will need the emotional and moral support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the gym, get swole, step up.


Or ignore it

Amen. Use it as fuel. Don’t like it, do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

I have. My DS does theater and has a zesty personality. He’s straight, but gets called gay all the time. The same kids also accuse him of dating his best friend, who’s a girl. Middle school logic rarely makes sense.

DS has seen most boys get called gay at one time or another, mostly by the jock boys, so he doesn’t take it personally. It’s a cheap way of getting social points. Some of them take it way too far, to the extent that you start to wonder if there’s a more questioning intent behind the insults. Coming out in middle school is risky for boys, in an environment where everything gets policed. Some of them hide by becoming the police. They test the waters in a clumsy way by calling other boys gay and making suggestive comments to see how they react. One jock boy at DS’ school dealt with his emerging sexuality in sixth grade by “jokingly” tackling other boys at recess and humping them (I guess this is a thing football players do to show dominance). Another boy sent DS shirtless pics of men through his school Google account. The other boy got into big trouble when it was discovered he had hundreds of similar images stored on his school iPad.

DS treats all of this as not his monkeys and not his circus. If a kid is being a persistent jerk, his usual response is a bored “leave me out of your fantasies”. He is who he is, but it’s hard when the signals and body language you give off don’t match who you are inside. If your son feels self-conscious about his voice, maybe he could work with a vocal coach to deepen it.

He sounds gay. I am pretty sure he is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

I have. My DS does theater and has a zesty personality. He’s straight, but gets called gay all the time. The same kids also accuse him of dating his best friend, who’s a girl. Middle school logic rarely makes sense.

DS has seen most boys get called gay at one time or another, mostly by the jock boys, so he doesn’t take it personally. It’s a cheap way of getting social points. Some of them take it way too far, to the extent that you start to wonder if there’s a more questioning intent behind the insults. Coming out in middle school is risky for boys, in an environment where everything gets policed. Some of them hide by becoming the police. They test the waters in a clumsy way by calling other boys gay and making suggestive comments to see how they react. One jock boy at DS’ school dealt with his emerging sexuality in sixth grade by “jokingly” tackling other boys at recess and humping them (I guess this is a thing football players do to show dominance). Another boy sent DS shirtless pics of men through his school Google account. The other boy got into big trouble when it was discovered he had hundreds of similar images stored on his school iPad.

DS treats all of this as not his monkeys and not his circus. If a kid is being a persistent jerk, his usual response is a bored “leave me out of your fantasies”. He is who he is, but it’s hard when the signals and body language you give off don’t match who you are inside. If your son feels self-conscious about his voice, maybe he could work with a vocal coach to deepen it.

He sounds gay. I am pretty sure he is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it that.

I *knew* there would be some emotionally stunted trollhole chiming in with “he’s gayyyy hurr hurr”, despite knowing absolutely nothing about PP or their son. There always is. This site is so predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

I have. My DS does theater and has a zesty personality. He’s straight, but gets called gay all the time. The same kids also accuse him of dating his best friend, who’s a girl. Middle school logic rarely makes sense.

DS has seen most boys get called gay at one time or another, mostly by the jock boys, so he doesn’t take it personally. It’s a cheap way of getting social points. Some of them take it way too far, to the extent that you start to wonder if there’s a more questioning intent behind the insults. Coming out in middle school is risky for boys, in an environment where everything gets policed. Some of them hide by becoming the police. They test the waters in a clumsy way by calling other boys gay and making suggestive comments to see how they react. One jock boy at DS’ school dealt with his emerging sexuality in sixth grade by “jokingly” tackling other boys at recess and humping them (I guess this is a thing football players do to show dominance). Another boy sent DS shirtless pics of men through his school Google account. The other boy got into big trouble when it was discovered he had hundreds of similar images stored on his school iPad.

DS treats all of this as not his monkeys and not his circus. If a kid is being a persistent jerk, his usual response is a bored “leave me out of your fantasies”. He is who he is, but it’s hard when the signals and body language you give off don’t match who you are inside. If your son feels self-conscious about his voice, maybe he could work with a vocal coach to deepen it.

He sounds gay. I am pretty sure he is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it that.

There’s a lot wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

I’d have him rehearse responses. “I’m not gay, but I wonder why you think about it so much?” A lot of rehearsing is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here — looking for some advice.
My son is feeling self-conscious about his voice. We recently went on a cruise, and a stranger came up to him out of nowhere and bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” It really shook him. Now he’s questioning himself and wondering if he somehow fits a stereotype that others are picking up on. He keeps saying, “It can’t be the whole world that’s wrong.”

I want to support him but also help him understand that people can be quick to make assumptions, and that doesn’t define who he is. Has anyone else dealt with something like this — either personally or with their kids?

I have. My DS does theater and has a zesty personality. He’s straight, but gets called gay all the time. The same kids also accuse him of dating his best friend, who’s a girl. Middle school logic rarely makes sense.

DS has seen most boys get called gay at one time or another, mostly by the jock boys, so he doesn’t take it personally. It’s a cheap way of getting social points. Some of them take it way too far, to the extent that you start to wonder if there’s a more questioning intent behind the insults. Coming out in middle school is risky for boys, in an environment where everything gets policed. Some of them hide by becoming the police. They test the waters in a clumsy way by calling other boys gay and making suggestive comments to see how they react. One jock boy at DS’ school dealt with his emerging sexuality in sixth grade by “jokingly” tackling other boys at recess and humping them (I guess this is a thing football players do to show dominance). Another boy sent DS shirtless pics of men through his school Google account. The other boy got into big trouble when it was discovered he had hundreds of similar images stored on his school iPad.

DS treats all of this as not his monkeys and not his circus. If a kid is being a persistent jerk, his usual response is a bored “leave me out of your fantasies”. He is who he is, but it’s hard when the signals and body language you give off don’t match who you are inside. If your son feels self-conscious about his voice, maybe he could work with a vocal coach to deepen it.

He sounds gay. I am pretty sure he is gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it that.

PP here. No, he’s not. He’s had several girlfriends. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Schools don’t seem to care about bullying but they react a tad bit more when they’re accused of allowing sexual harassment. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I’m not gay—but that’s not the insult you seem to think it is. Actually, why DO you think it’s an insult? Are you homophobic?”

I think this is a pretty good response. I have kids that age. Assuming you’re in a public school around here, the last thing kids want is to be thought of as racist or homophobic. If you’re in a more conservative state or a religious private school, that might be different. But the kids really talk smack about the other kids who make racist or homohpbic comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I’m not gay—but that’s not the insult you seem to think it is. Actually, why DO you think it’s an insult? Are you homophobic?”

I think this is a pretty good response. I have kids that age. Assuming you’re in a public school around here, the last thing kids want is to be thought of as racist or homophobic. If you’re in a more conservative state or a religious private school, that might be different. But the kids really talk smack about the other kids who make racist or homohpbic comments.

oh god that's a terrible response to this kind of teasing. just tell the boy to respond with 'at least im not going to die a virgin'. fighting fire with fire and laughing it off is the only thing boys understand.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, why is this is a thing?

My kid is only in 4th grade but the boys play a game where they say whoever does x first (talk at lunch, move on the recess, walk down the hall) is gay. DD first encountered the game at lunch and told them to stop and to stop using gay as an insult. Then they turned on her and were like, you must be a lesbian. To her credit she said that it wasn’t their business if she was and doubled down on telling them that it wasn’t an insult and to stop using it as one. These are 9 and 10 year olds!

The worst part is that she said teachers were standing right there and heard the entire exchange. And she says it happens other places where adults look the other way. As long as adults are too embarrassed to interrupt this behavior and call it out, it’ll persist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what people think,if he's not gay then he would not be bothered by that.

Pretty much this.

Every male kid calls other kids "fag" "homo" etc. just kidding around boy talk, and if they get a reaction they like, then they often continue the teasing.

No, “every male kid” does not do this. Jerks do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what people think,if he's not gay then he would not be bothered by that.

Pretty much this.

Every male kid calls other kids "fag" "homo" etc. just kidding around boy talk, and if they get a reaction they like, then they often continue the teasing.

No, “every male kid” does not do this. Jerks do this.

Of course not every boy does this and if they do, they should be told not to. I would wonder what these boys are being taught that they think being called and calling others gay is an insult.