Spouse saying I ruined their life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There do seem to be a lot of men who are more than happy for you to quit working with young kids and provide free childcare and handle all of the domestic labor.

Then you finally get a chance to sit down and they want you back at work asap.

Been a part-time WOHM my kids' whole life and I don't expect a chance to "sit down" until my DH also retires. And I don't have a housecleaner and my nanny never did anything but babysit when the kids were little, so I've been doing my share of the domestic work this entire time and will continue to do so (DH has always done outdoors and sometimes done a good bit of the cooking).

I think PT WOHM is a good option. I would have loved that kind of job to keep my toe in the work world. The only thing I could find were low paying service jobs that made scheduling difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There do seem to be a lot of men who are more than happy for you to quit working with young kids and provide free childcare and handle all of the domestic labor.

Then you finally get a chance to sit down and they want you back at work asap.

Why do you get to sit down when your partner has been working the whole time too?

Seriously. And I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

My wife is the exact same way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I say this as a WOHM w/ kids in college/near college who has worked the entire time. You're expectations are unreasonable. Whether you realize it or not, having a SAHM has made your life easier in many ways, just as not having paid employment has made her life easier.

You really thought that after 15+ years out of the workforce that she would be able to just bounce back in and be a significant contributor to the finances? That's... not how it works. If the expectation was for her to go back to work and get back on some sort of a career ladder, then she should not have stayed home for as long as she did. If she only stayed home until the youngest was school-aged, then maybe should would have had a fighting shot of getting back in and making some money. But now? Honestly, you both made this bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You really thought that after 15+ years out of the workforce that she would be able to just bounce back in and be a significant contributor to the finances? That's... not how it works. If the expectation was for her to go back to work and get back on some sort of a career ladder, then she should not have stayed home for as long as she did. If she only stayed home until the youngest was school-aged, then maybe should would have had a fighting shot of getting back in and making some money. But now? Honestly, you both made this bed.

These were my exact thoughts too! It's unrealistic for a middle-aged woman to jump right into a career job after 15 or so years off. What kind of job did you expect her to get? One that would cash flow college?? Honestly, if you wanted her back at work, it would be better for her to never jump off the ladder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op can whine all he wants.
He had a spouse holding down the fort at home, kids, trips, schedules, health, holidays, social events, school, sports, and college apps…. so all he had to really focus on what his work and career advancements. And show up for some tasks and events here and there - like a 7pm pick up or weekend game.

That’s what courts will see and know happened for 20.

OP can either figure out why his wife is actually upset or keep whining.

Exhibit A why you don't get married and definitely don’t have three kids fellas. It'll always be your fault no matter what you do. No "courts" over here.

Def don’t have kids if you’re this checked out and ignorant.

Nope, it's good advice if the women of this forum are even close to representative.

Really this is not representative. Most women, whether they work for pay or not, are part of the budgeting and financial decision making in the family. In my experience, most women who are SAHMs are aware that they are lucky to pull it off for their families and would not berate their husband for not earning more and “ruining their life.” I have been a high earner wife for my whole marriage but am friends with many SAHMs. All of us are responsible for our households no matter where the source of income is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There do seem to be a lot of men who are more than happy for you to quit working with young kids and provide free childcare and handle all of the domestic labor.

Then you finally get a chance to sit down and they want you back at work asap.

Why do you get to sit down when your partner has been working the whole time too?

Because my husband has been sitting down the entire time doing his office job. Now it’s my turn to sit down

[Anonymous]

I would be super annoyed if my husband expected me to work after 15 years of being a sahm. I mean, I would probably work anyway bc what else am I going to do, but if he pushed me about it? No way.

Where is your gratitude for this woman who presumably carried your three children, potty trained them, sleep trained them, raised them, planned your social life and family vacations, and kept your house? This is why women shouldn’t ever agree to stay home bc once all the hard work is done, their husband might turn on them like this ahole.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to divorce your wife. She sounds like an entitled brat. You don’t deserve to suffer by living in the same house as her. It sounds like you busted your ass supporting your family and raising your kids while she just took advantage of you. It is time to start treating yourself with respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be super annoyed if my husband expected me to work after 15 years of being a sahm. I mean, I would probably work anyway bc what else am I going to do, but if he pushed me about it? No way.

Where is your gratitude for this woman who presumably carried your three children, potty trained them, sleep trained them, raised them, planned your social life and family vacations, and kept your house? This is why women shouldn’t ever agree to stay home bc once all the hard work is done, their husband might turn on them like this ahole.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be super annoyed if my husband expected me to work after 15 years of being a sahm. I mean, I would probably work anyway bc what else am I going to do, but if he pushed me about it? No way.

Where is your gratitude for this woman who presumably carried your three children, potty trained them, sleep trained them, raised them, planned your social life and family vacations, and kept your house? This is why women shouldn’t ever agree to stay home bc once all the hard work is done, their husband might turn on them like this ahole.

Wow. You do know that women who work also carry children, often potty train and sleep train them, raise them, and depending on the family dynamics, plan social life and family vacations?

Where is your gratitude for your husband who enabled you to stay home?

How do you even sit down and type that out without acknowledging that both partners benefited and made sacrifices along the way?

[Anonymous]

Your wife shouldn’t say you’re ruining her life. You need to find a compromise. If she wants to stay home then she needs to be willing to cut back on life style.

Take your kids out of private. That’s a FT salary right there. If you need to save more money, stop the travel sports.

Listen to the podcast Money for Couples.

[Anonymous]

Set each other free..Seriously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be super annoyed if my husband expected me to work after 15 years of being a sahm. I mean, I would probably work anyway bc what else am I going to do, but if he pushed me about it? No way.

Where is your gratitude for this woman who presumably carried your three children, potty trained them, sleep trained them, raised them, planned your social life and family vacations, and kept your house? This is why women shouldn’t ever agree to stay home bc once all the hard work is done, their husband might turn on them like this ahole.

What?! Why? He's been working this whole time. What would you think if he said he'd be super annoyed if you expected him to continue working after he was the sole breadwinner for 15 years?

You did your job for 15 years, as did he. Why now should he be the only one working? Seriously, what planet do you women live on?

- a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be super annoyed if my husband expected me to work after 15 years of being a sahm. I mean, I would probably work anyway bc what else am I going to do, but if he pushed me about it? No way.

Where is your gratitude for this woman who presumably carried your three children, potty trained them, sleep trained them, raised them, planned your social life and family vacations, and kept your house? This is why women shouldn’t ever agree to stay home bc once all the hard work is done, their husband might turn on them like this ahole.

What?! Why? He's been working this whole time. What would you think if he said he'd be super annoyed if you expected him to continue working after he was the sole breadwinner for 15 years?

You did your job for 15 years, as did he. Why now should he be the only one working? Seriously, what planet do you women live on?

- a woman

+1.
-another woman whose husband's contributions to family life have been similar to what OP describes