Spouse saying I ruined their life
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Anonymous
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How long would someone put up with it? I have 3 kids all about to be in college, wife was supposed to go back to work when they all reached middle school. She didn't, kept coming up with reasons why not. We live in expensive zip code, have kids in private school and did the whole travel sports thing (which is ridiculously expensive in and of itself. Wife went back to work part time 30 ish hours a week when kids were about half done with HS and now works part time 10-15 hours a week, I told her that working until the kids all graduate from college would be ideal and allow us to get through with minimal extra debt or student loans, 429 won't cover everything for them and we don't have parents that are contributing to any of this stuff, so its 100% on us. I am told constantly that I have "ruined her life", that she is 50 and shouldn't have to work anymore and that none of her friends work, which is sort of true. We have some very wealthy friends and we have friends where the women made a lot of money early in career, one was a stock broker the other partner in a Dr Office. We also have friends where they are legitimate duel income households with both spouses contributing greatly. I keep getting told, "making money is your job, you have ruined my life."
On top of the ruining her life for wanting her to work until she is 55 ish, I am now told I am ruining her life because I don't want to spend 7 or 8 thousand dollars for our family to go to NY and watch Ovi hopefully get the all time goals record. Next week I will have ruined her life in some other way. I am just over it. I have told her that if she really feels I am ruining her life she should contact a divorce attorney, but she won't. |
Anonymous
| Wow. She’s quite a b^%#ch! |
Anonymous
| Wow, what is wrong with you. You clearly have plenty or money or have a spending issue. With three kids its difficult to work. Did you step up and help when she started working? Step up and make more money. |
Anonymous
| You are marrried to an overgrown princess who is never going to grow up. Just treat her like the child she is. |
Anonymous
+1. I was going to write something similar. Since I believe in equal opportunity call outs, I am sure she was like this from the beginning and at every step of the way and you enabled it. While I think your wife sounds awful, seems weird to draw the line at year 20 and not year 2. |
Anonymous
| I understand her not wanting to work and be like the other wealthy SAHM in your circle. But to tell you that you ruined her life is pretty ridiculous. |
Anonymous
It has been a work in progress and spending has gotten worse. Only a portion of our friends are very wealthy we have plenty that are what I would consider average income for this area. The helping out part, I have always cooked meals, driven kids, coached, team managed and paid a housekeeper for weekly cleaning. |
Anonymous
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Divorce.
Sounds like you both want to anyways. |
Anonymous
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Encourage her to get her hours up but be gentle, say you’ve noticed the good changes in her since she started working. You don’t want to pay decades of alimony, get her ass to work, judges don’t like lazy people so she needs some work history.
Then consult a lawyer who will guide you through the process of granting your wife the freedom to live her best life without you ruining it any further. |
Anonymous
| Well, marrying my ex husband ruined my life. But I worked the entire time and was 40% of the household income. I am 47. I am exhausted being a working mom. Your wife has been living on easy street. |
Anonymous
+1 That's the problem with being in a wealthy neighborhood with wealthy friends. Your wife is trying to keep up with the Joneses. You could divorce her, then she can see how much you've actually ruined her life. -DW |
Anonymous
My reaction too, except I am a man (who voted for Kamala). Hopefully kids see your side of the story. |
Anonymous
| Never mind the wife. Those kid better get a $100k job right after college to keep the lifestyle. |
Anonymous
This. At her age, 10 years of work is not a punishment. It's just being responsible. She agreed to have 3 kids. No lives are ruined. You might want to consider your kids getting summer jobs as well. To pay for college spending money and to avoid them being spoiled. |
Anonymous
| I’m not clear what Op did for the household or child rearing/ development besides direct some of his paycheck there. |