Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

This makes you sound entitled. Plenty of families with two working parents (or single parent households) work all day and then drive their kids around all night.

NP: So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

My kids each did a year round sport, were in theater and orchestra, and it was rare that we did not have dinner together as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Okay, but to a teenager, that’s a pretty lame way to spend day in and out. They probably see other moms who work and do the things you do.

13 and a DD is also right about the age academics tend to ramp up. If mom is on her about that and thinks it's important to do well in school and go to a top college, she probably looks at OP like she's kind of a loser. Why do all that to have a life of tennis, pilates, and playing driver? It does sound kind of lame. No volunteering? No hobbies beyond hanging at the club? Doesn't sound like someone necessarily doing tons of housework either and there are no little kids, teens mostly have their own lives and should be somewhat self sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh goodie another mommy wars thread.

+1. I recognize some of the mean posters.

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed at what some parents put up with from their kids.

[Anonymous]

Dd made some comments like this around 10, but it was from two friends who would say stuff like this often. It was clearly repeated lines from their parents and said being oblivious to who was around. Both girls were going through a really rough time at home and it affected my kid too, the sahm comment was once and the least of it. Is your kid being moody about everything else right now?
It turned out both girls had parents going through divorce and were really protective of their moms and situations. It passed very quickly.

I remember making a stupid comment to my working mom for not being more of a gourmet cook like a friend's mom whose kitchen was covered in cook books and who had time for that. My mom loved cooking too but obviously didn't have the time for it and hopefully realized I was just being a jerky tween. Other people will pass judgements and if you are worried about it, it will sting. People like to judge those who work too much too, but it hurting/ or not hurting depends on how you let it affect you. The perfect work/life balance shared equally is not achievable and sometimes not desired for most of us. Don't let others try to box you into their rules.

It sounds like you need to do more to be self satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

I'm not putting down anyone. I've done it all. I was fortunate to have those choices.

Being a wohm was really tough, mainly because I was super stressed out, and it made me hugely irritable. DH did most of the cooking, and we both tried to be flexible with activities, but we still had a nanny who did a lot, and a house cleaner. A lot of wohm parents who are umc have outside help. I grew up in a lmc family, and we basically raised ourselves. I didn't have any activities because my parents were working and didn't have flexible jobs.

When I became a sahm for a year and half, that stress level went way down, but I was not necessarily happier because I am not cut out for being a sahm. I went back to work but I had the flexibility to wfh PT. That was the best of both worlds. As my kids got I older, I wfh FT, and I had a housecleaner but didn't need a nanny anymore because the kids were much older by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

I'm 16:49 (work part time) and people always say all the same things get done either way as if it's obvious everyone should work FT. For me, that's not the case. I mean obviously they can still eat and get dressed if I worked.40 hours, but I have worked more sometimes and it affects my mood, how my body feels, how tired I am, and more. I don't have as much time to be as involved in school or even homework. We won't have the same conversations, etc.

My kids absolutely wouldn't be able to be in as many activities if I worked more. Some other families will have different constraints where the money is more limiting than the time and energy or different preferences where they don't mind outsourcing certain things.

In the real world there will be some trade-offs from any decision. With real people involved, you can't just say all else is equal. That also goes for the person who is a better parent or more themselves when working more, but they are not me.

There aren’t always trade-offs.

The fact that you are all in nothing about things is probably the problem.

But I don’t think there’s any negative side saying to your children. Some people can handle a lot and some people can’t handle a lot and I’m one of those people who can’t handle a lot and I’m sorry.

Just like there’s some people who make a lot of money and there’s some people who don’t make a lot of money and I’m somebody who doesn’t make a lot of money. I’m sorry that’s just who I am. That’s who you got as a parent.

If you want a different life, go out and make a different life but this is the life I created. I love it get over it.

I don't relate at all to the idea that there aren't always trade-offs. All decisions about work or anything else involve trade-offs.

+1 The PP that doesn't think there are trade-offs perhaps hasn't had a Big Law job or another high paying job that requires 60+hours of work per week. I did that early in my career, then worked part-time when I had kids, then worked not at all, while my DH made plenty of $ but worked long hours. Now, I'm back to working full time in a 40 hour week job that makes much less money than I'd be making if I'd stayed on a big law firm partnership track. Perhaps there aren't trade offs if you are in a career that doesn't allow you to work tons of hours to make lots of $, but lots of have those options and have to choose the course that makes the most sense for our families at various times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

I eat dinner with my teen every night. He might have one Friday night activity every six weeks or so at 7pm. We just eat dinner earlier that night.

[Anonymous]

I mean ... what are you doing all day?

[Anonymous]

Teens and young adults don't understand much of anything. You can explain what you do all day or not. Think of it this way. These are the same kids that will go to college in a couple of years and then tell you "I don't want an office job, I just can't see how people sit at a desk all day. . . ." They just don't know what they don't know. So don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Is this satire???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens and young adults don't understand much of anything. You can explain what you do all day or not. Think of it this way. These are the same kids that will go to college in a couple of years and then tell you "I don't want an office job, I just can't see how people sit at a desk all day. . . ." They just don't know what they don't know. So don't take it personally.

So true. I've been there as a know it all college student and now see it in relatives hitting college. They will say the most opinionated things about jobs/lifestyle choices and do a 180 a mere year later. You can't let lame judgements hurt you when the same person might change their own mind soon enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Is this satire???

I’m the OP and I did not write the tennis comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

I'm 16:49 (work part time) and people always say all the same things get done either way as if it's obvious everyone should work FT. For me, that's not the case. I mean obviously they can still eat and get dressed if I worked.40 hours, but I have worked more sometimes and it affects my mood, how my body feels, how tired I am, and more. I don't have as much time to be as involved in school or even homework. We won't have the same conversations, etc.

My kids absolutely wouldn't be able to be in as many activities if I worked more. Some other families will have different constraints where the money is more limiting than the time and energy or different preferences where they don't mind outsourcing certain things.

In the real world there will be some trade-offs from any decision. With real people involved, you can't just say all else is equal. That also goes for the person who is a better parent or more themselves when working more, but they are not me.

There aren’t always trade-offs.

The fact that you are all in nothing about things is probably the problem.

But I don’t think there’s any negative side saying to your children. Some people can handle a lot and some people can’t handle a lot and I’m one of those people who can’t handle a lot and I’m sorry.

Just like there’s some people who make a lot of money and there’s some people who don’t make a lot of money and I’m somebody who doesn’t make a lot of money. I’m sorry that’s just who I am. That’s who you got as a parent.

If you want a different life, go out and make a different life but this is the life I created. I love it get over it.

I don't relate at all to the idea that there aren't always trade-offs. All decisions about work or anything else involve trade-offs.

+1 The PP that doesn't think there are trade-offs perhaps hasn't had a Big Law job or another high paying job that requires 60+hours of work per week. I did that early in my career, then worked part-time when I had kids, then worked not at all, while my DH made plenty of $ but worked long hours. Now, I'm back to working full time in a 40 hour week job that makes much less money than I'd be making if I'd stayed on a big law firm partnership track. Perhaps there aren't trade offs if you are in a career that doesn't allow you to work tons of hours to make lots of $, but lots of have those options and have to choose the course that makes the most sense for our families at various times.

You literally made my point with your post. Are you really a lawyer? Doesn’t that take logical reasoning skills?