Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

I'm 16:49 (work part time) and people always say all the same things get done either way as if it's obvious everyone should work FT. For me, that's not the case. I mean obviously they can still eat and get dressed if I worked.40 hours, but I have worked more sometimes and it affects my mood, how my body feels, how tired I am, and more. I don't have as much time to be as involved in school or even homework. We won't have the same conversations, etc.

My kids absolutely wouldn't be able to be in as many activities if I worked more. Some other families will have different constraints where the money is more limiting than the time and energy or different preferences where they don't mind outsourcing certain things.

In the real world there will be some trade-offs from any decision. With real people involved, you can't just say all else is equal. That also goes for the person who is a better parent or more themselves when working more, but they are not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

I'm 16:49 (work part time) and people always say all the same things get done either way as if it's obvious everyone should work FT. For me, that's not the case. I mean obviously they can still eat and get dressed if I worked.40 hours, but I have worked more sometimes and it affects my mood, how my body feels, how tired I am, and more. I don't have as much time to be as involved in school or even homework. We won't have the same conversations, etc.

My kids absolutely wouldn't be able to be in as many activities if I worked more. Some other families will have different constraints where the money is more limiting than the time and energy or different preferences where they don't mind outsourcing certain things.

In the real world there will be some trade-offs from any decision. With real people involved, you can't just say all else is equal. That also goes for the person who is a better parent or more themselves when working more, but they are not me.

There aren’t always trade-offs.

The fact that you are all in nothing about things is probably the problem.

But I don’t think there’s any negative side saying to your children. Some people can handle a lot and some people can’t handle a lot and I’m one of those people who can’t handle a lot and I’m sorry.

Just like there’s some people who make a lot of money and there’s some people who don’t make a lot of money and I’m somebody who doesn’t make a lot of money. I’m sorry that’s just who I am. That’s who you got as a parent.

If you want a different life, go out and make a different life but this is the life I created. I love it get over it.

[Anonymous]

The reality is, there’s something inside you that is bothered by the question “what do you do all day long”

When I was working at home, my son would walk into my office and see me on the computer, or on meetings and he literally said what are you doing all day long just sitting there.

The truth was sometimes a lot and sometimes not a lot and that’s OK.

Americans need to constantly be busy is insane, and unhealthy, and not natural.

Truthfully, why are you bothered by the fact that quite frankly you probably don’t do a lot four hours a day?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in your shoes too. One time, I could not hold it. I cried in front of him (15 years old). I told that he hurt my feelings. Since then, he no longer ask me money to go out with his friends. He only asks my husband for money & not in front of me. It happened maybe 4 months ago.

[Anonymous]

I mean, they’re curious. What DO you do all day? They’re at school, dad at work. How many times do you need to scrub the grout with a toothbrush?? You’re clearly not doing much all day, every day. They aren’t being rude by commenting that school is harder than sitting watching soap operas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you actually DO house stuff? Just asking bc my mom was a SAHM who watched tv and napped all day. She made dinner about four nights a week when I was little but eventually my dad took that over.

She'd drive us to after-school activities and otherwise didn't do much. But we were raised to never insult our parents so though we didn't respect her, didn't say anything about it to her face.

I can see how that might look to you as kids but surely you can surmise she probably had untreated or undertreated mental health issues. Including ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

I'm not even a SAHM but I 100% agree that you should just stop doing everything you do around the house so they can see the value you add to the household and how much more it is than anyone else's contribution to running it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

WOHM here and this person is clearly a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Is this what you say to them? Do better, OP. No wonder they don't respect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

I'm 16:49 (work part time) and people always say all the same things get done either way as if it's obvious everyone should work FT. For me, that's not the case. I mean obviously they can still eat and get dressed if I worked.40 hours, but I have worked more sometimes and it affects my mood, how my body feels, how tired I am, and more. I don't have as much time to be as involved in school or even homework. We won't have the same conversations, etc.

My kids absolutely wouldn't be able to be in as many activities if I worked more. Some other families will have different constraints where the money is more limiting than the time and energy or different preferences where they don't mind outsourcing certain things.

In the real world there will be some trade-offs from any decision. With real people involved, you can't just say all else is equal. That also goes for the person who is a better parent or more themselves when working more, but they are not me.

There aren’t always trade-offs.

The fact that you are all in nothing about things is probably the problem.

But I don’t think there’s any negative side saying to your children. Some people can handle a lot and some people can’t handle a lot and I’m one of those people who can’t handle a lot and I’m sorry.

Just like there’s some people who make a lot of money and there’s some people who don’t make a lot of money and I’m somebody who doesn’t make a lot of money. I’m sorry that’s just who I am. That’s who you got as a parent.

If you want a different life, go out and make a different life but this is the life I created. I love it get over it.

I don't relate at all to the idea that there aren't always trade-offs. All decisions about work or anything else involve trade-offs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

I'm 16:49 (work part time) and people always say all the same things get done either way as if it's obvious everyone should work FT. For me, that's not the case. I mean obviously they can still eat and get dressed if I worked.40 hours, but I have worked more sometimes and it affects my mood, how my body feels, how tired I am, and more. I don't have as much time to be as involved in school or even homework. We won't have the same conversations, etc.

My kids absolutely wouldn't be able to be in as many activities if I worked more. Some other families will have different constraints where the money is more limiting than the time and energy or different preferences where they don't mind outsourcing certain things.

In the real world there will be some trade-offs from any decision. With real people involved, you can't just say all else is equal. That also goes for the person who is a better parent or more themselves when working more, but they are not me.

There aren’t always trade-offs.

The fact that you are all in nothing about things is probably the problem.

But I don’t think there’s any negative side saying to your children. Some people can handle a lot and some people can’t handle a lot and I’m one of those people who can’t handle a lot and I’m sorry.

Just like there’s some people who make a lot of money and there’s some people who don’t make a lot of money and I’m somebody who doesn’t make a lot of money. I’m sorry that’s just who I am. That’s who you got as a parent.

If you want a different life, go out and make a different life but this is the life I created. I love it get over it.

I don't relate at all to the idea that there aren't always trade-offs. All decisions about work or anything else involve trade-offs.

I think you’re confused by the idea of there’s never trade-offs. That would be a false statement.

There are always trade-offs. That is also a false statement.

Sometimes there’s trade-offs, that would be a true statement.

For example, if I were a stay at home, mom I would do XY&Z. I’m a working mom. I still do XY.&Z . No trade offs.

I work at 9 to 5 job. I like to do yoga at 10 o’clock. You can’t do both.

I work at 9 to 5 job. I like to do yoga. My favorite yoga class is at 6 PM. I can do both.

See there’s sometimes trade-offs there’s not always trade-offs and there’s not never trade offs.

[Anonymous]

Mean teens find ways to offend ways to offend their parents regardless of parent's life choices. If you worked outside, they would say you weren't there for them. They don't need a reason to be cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Oh goodie another mommy wars thread.