Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife loves it when my children play favorites with their grandmothers. She pushed them in that direction before they could even talk. It's obvious and it pisses me off, not to mention my mother. My children have been pretty disrespectful to my mother. Is she the world's best grandma? No. Both grandmothers have strong and difficult personalities, and mine is worse. Still, she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren and genuinely loves them. She deserves better. I think this is one of my wife's ways of expressing hostility to me too.

I've heard from some women that this is very common. The father's mother is almost always the one who gets treated worse.

Your wife sounds psycho.

[Anonymous]

OP- DC (all in HS) know it is a responsibility to call their grandparents regularly. Sometimes they need reminders. Both my mom and MIL were very involved when they were younger( both now in the 80s also), and now we are there for them. It is simply the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

Since when is what a teen/tween wants to do controlling of anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

OP should have said he was the wife. DCUM hates MILs.

MILs who act like Queen Bee? Yeah, they're pretty reprehensible. Some of us have good MILs who don't pull strongarming "it's all about MEEEEEEE" nonsense like this.

You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Actually my DD does all those willingly. Maybe a slight nudge at bedtime is needed. And she would not enjoy a weekly phone call with my MIL.

Kids don't even talk on the phone these days! See if grandma will text or send memes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

So saying "no" isn't kind or polite, and little girls shouldn't do it? Really? That's the message you want to send?

Welcome to rape culture. Where did you think that started?

Give me a break. The girl can talk to her grandmother for 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU DON'T FORCE YOU TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO DO AND DON'T WANT!!!

Fsckabuncha this "kind, polite" mess. It's not kind to the kid. You can explain to her, you can talk with her and explain what it means to Grandma, but forcing an interaction is not kind or polite.

Who gives a shit!!!!!! I'm sure the kid already does plenty of things she doesn't love doing. Model kindness and caring for old people instead of being a self centered ass.

HAHAHAHAH... You mean, the way granny's modeling not being a self-centered ass? You mean the way dad is modeling not being a self-centered ass?

You need to GTFOH with that mess. The kid already does plenty of things she doesn't love doing, most of which are essential for her growth and development as a person (school, chores, eating vegetables...). Calling Granny every week doesn't meet that standard.

What the hell kind of modeling is "You'll do it by force because Grandma wants you too!"?

Where did OP even say that grandma is forcing the issue? OP has an issue with wife simply allowing their daughter to be a brat and skip the calls. DS participates and it sounds like the issue is between OP and his wife and not grandma being demanding. Or do you think that simply scheduling calls is too much of a demand and grandma should simply disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Are you really so intellectually stunted that you don't see the common denominator in all the things you listed? All of those "parents will make you do these things" tasks are about DDs health and well-being. You know what else is about DD's health and well-being? Boundaries.

Sounds like you need to take your own advice and grow some brain matter, dearie.

Are you really so stunted that you don't understand that raising a respectful, caring child who respects her grandma is super beneficial to DDs wellbeing? If boundaries need to be drawn due to some kind of abuse, by all means do that. But there is zero evidence of that.

I suggest that OP take charge of this and make his DD talk to grandma since his wife is being a brat as are you.

"You can only say no if you can prove abuse" "If you don't always comply with someone else's wishes, you're not respectful or caring." "You can only draw the boundaries that meet everyone else's needs/wants first."

Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- DC (all in HS) know it is a responsibility to call their grandparents regularly. Sometimes they need reminders. Both my mom and MIL were very involved when they were younger( both now in the 80s also), and now we are there for them. It is simply the right thing to do.

Of course it is. You get it and you are raising amazing kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU DON'T FORCE YOU TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO DO AND DON'T WANT!!!

Fsckabuncha this "kind, polite" mess. It's not kind to the kid. You can explain to her, you can talk with her and explain what it means to Grandma, but forcing an interaction is not kind or polite.

Who gives a shit!!!!!! I'm sure the kid already does plenty of things she doesn't love doing. Model kindness and caring for old people instead of being a self centered ass.

HAHAHAHAH... You mean, the way granny's modeling not being a self-centered ass? You mean the way dad is modeling not being a self-centered ass?

You need to GTFOH with that mess. The kid already does plenty of things she doesn't love doing, most of which are essential for her growth and development as a person (school, chores, eating vegetables...). Calling Granny every week doesn't meet that standard.

What the hell kind of modeling is "You'll do it by force because Grandma wants you too!"?

Where did OP even say that grandma is forcing the issue? OP has an issue with wife simply allowing their daughter to be a brat and skip the calls. DS participates and it sounds like the issue is between OP and his wife and not grandma being demanding. Or do you think that simply scheduling calls is too much of a demand and grandma should simply disappear.

Why is not wanting to engage her "being a brat". What is this use of "brat"? Simply saying no makes you "spoiled or ill-mannered"? Really? She's a child, not a dog. Damn...

Some of you are either the gran in this situation, or well on your way to boy-momming your way there. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife loves it when my children play favorites with their grandmothers. She pushed them in that direction before they could even talk. It's obvious and it pisses me off, not to mention my mother. My children have been pretty disrespectful to my mother. Is she the world's best grandma? No. Both grandmothers have strong and difficult personalities, and mine is worse. Still, she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren and genuinely loves them. She deserves better. I think this is one of my wife's ways of expressing hostility to me too.

I've heard from some women that this is very common. The father's mother is almost always the one who gets treated worse.

This is who you married. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Are you really so intellectually stunted that you don't see the common denominator in all the things you listed? All of those "parents will make you do these things" tasks are about DDs health and well-being. You know what else is about DD's health and well-being? Boundaries.

Sounds like you need to take your own advice and grow some brain matter, dearie.

Are you really so stunted that you don't understand that raising a respectful, caring child who respects her grandma is super beneficial to DDs wellbeing? If boundaries need to be drawn due to some kind of abuse, by all means do that. But there is zero evidence of that.

I suggest that OP take charge of this and make his DD talk to grandma since his wife is being a brat as are you.

"You can only say no if you can prove abuse" "If you don't always comply with someone else's wishes, you're not respectful or caring." "You can only draw the boundaries that meet everyone else's needs/wants first."

Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation.

Uhm, you make no sense whatsoever. Please show me on this keyboard where granma hurt you, you lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

OP should have said he was the wife. DCUM hates MILs.

MILs who act like Queen Bee? Yeah, they're pretty reprehensible. Some of us have good MILs who don't pull strongarming "it's all about MEEEEEEE" nonsense like this.

You sound unhinged.

You: "DCUM hates MILs" Me: mine's chill, we're good. This mess isn't "chill MIL". You: "You sound unhinged."

Okay, then. Have the day you deserve, nutwit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife loves it when my children play favorites with their grandmothers. She pushed them in that direction before they could even talk. It's obvious and it pisses me off, not to mention my mother. My children have been pretty disrespectful to my mother. Is she the world's best grandma? No. Both grandmothers have strong and difficult personalities, and mine is worse. Still, she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren and genuinely loves them. She deserves better. I think this is one of my wife's ways of expressing hostility to me too.

I've heard from some women that this is very common. The father's mother is almost always the one who gets treated worse.

If this is OP, there is your answer.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

This. Maybe bored grandma can send a card, or try to engage the kid some other way, instead of being a demanding old hag.

Wow, just wow. No wonder we have Trump in office. We've lost all sense of decency.

We've "lost all sense of decency" because every single member of the family doesn't call granny every week?

You're unhinged.

No, please do learn to read. We've lost decency because we default to calling caring grandparents "demanding old hags" for wanting to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren.

+ million.

I’m also convinced that many of the people posting have severe social gaps. You are also teaching your child how to keep a 5 minute polite conversation going, which she will absolutely need in life.