It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I’m not clear on the situation. The cabin is owned outright currently, yes? There are no other assets? The plan is to keep the cabin in the family. Would the other siblings buy your dh out?

OP here:

Sorry, I’m not clear on the situation
- DH wants us to contribute to a property he will inherit. In my state, inheritance or gifts are not subject to community property. I am uncomfortable contributing household income to a real property I will have zero entitlement to if we divorce.

The cabin is owned outright currently, yes?
- Owned outright - yes.

There are no other assets?
- MIL has maybe 30K in savings, which will go quickly with 12K of move-in costs.

Would the other siblings buy your dh out?
- No. One is flat broke and unsure how even he would afford the ongoing costs.

You and the other sibling will probably get stuck paying for the broke sibling.

Selling the house to pay for MIL’s care makes the most sense financially.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

DH's family is a mess. FIL pitched selling their primary residence undervalued as a benefit to BIL/SIL but never ended up moving out. BIL/SIL cared for FIL as he was on hospice and now care for MIL as she's still not in AL. They've had to take time off work; it's been a considerable expense and time suck for them. I check in on MIL during the day as I am self-employed and bring her lunch. DH works 4 AM - 4 PM and visits on the weekends.

SIL floated the idea of a HELOC (or a reverse mortgage) to pay for MIL's care. The suggestions on this thread make it very clear that the cabin needs to be sold—end of story. I am not going to entertain this foolishness anymore.

The challenge is that DH's family is so emotionally attached to the cabin on a sentimental level that they will fight and argue about it.

[Anonymous]

So did SIL/BIL actually take ownership of the primary residence or does MIL still technically own it?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how the cabin does not need to be sold in order to pay for the assisted-living place.

[Anonymous]

This thread needs to die. Are people that interested in this cabin and messed up family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how the cabin does not need to be sold in order to pay for the assisted-living place.

Because the SIL is fantasizing that they can pay with the money they borrow by getting a HELOC.

But they likely can't because the cabin is not valuable enough to cover it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs to die. Are people that interested in this cabin and messed up family?

I am. Totally on Team OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

DH's family is a mess. FIL pitched selling their primary residence undervalued as a benefit to BIL/SIL but never ended up moving out. BIL/SIL cared for FIL as he was on hospice and now care for MIL as she's still not in AL. They've had to take time off work; it's been a considerable expense and time suck for them. I check in on MIL during the day as I am self-employed and bring her lunch. DH works 4 AM - 4 PM and visits on the weekends.

SIL floated the idea of a HELOC (or a reverse mortgage) to pay for MIL's care. The suggestions on this thread make it very clear that the cabin needs to be sold—end of story. I am not going to entertain this foolishness anymore.

The challenge is that DH's family is so emotionally attached to the cabin on a sentimental level that they will fight and argue about it.

The entire time I've been reading this thread, I kept thinking SIL means a reverse mortgage, not a HELOC, but somehow I doubt she understands those are very different things. She doesn't sound financially literate, ya know? But here's the thing: if she goes in asking for a HELOC, no one is going to hold her hand and say "actually, what I think you want is a reverse mortgage," and save her from making an enormous financial mistake.

OP, I feel for you. What an eff'ing mess. I agree with everyone else here that your DH needs to wash her hands of this cabin ASAP. If his siblings refuse to sell it, he has to have enough backbone to say "No, I will not be part of this."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a complex family drama. It is like a miniseries on HBO or something. I am picturing loggers in the pacific northwest, or maybe a family in the ozarks, and your DH is the one who got out and went to Oregon State, and landed a decent gs-11 fed job and bought a nice SFH ranch-style house out on a half acre in Damascus with his loving, long-suffering wife who put herself through Towson by working long hours as a waitress and a nanny, only for her husband to get sucked back into the family drama when the patriarch came up with one last stupid, selfish plan.

Truly sorry for you and also I enjoy all your updates. Wow. I just want to say again that I feel bad so bad for you, OP and the whole extended family who so greedy, but also, so heartless and stupid.

I'd totally watch this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly is your husband going to “inherit” the HELOC? It doesn’t work that way. You don’t inherit debt. The creditor will take what they are owed from the estate but your husband will not owe it. I also don’t think the HELOC can be opened by someone not on the title to the cabin, nor can it be transferred to someone else.

Just tell your DH you are not OK putting money into the cabin. Open your own savings account and put your share of the monthly savings in there. Let him do what he wants with his half.

If they don't already do this and it will be a new thing, friction will ensue. Don't do this.

Why is it OP’s job to avoid friction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a complex family drama. It is like a miniseries on HBO or something. I am picturing loggers in the pacific northwest, or maybe a family in the ozarks, and your DH is the one who got out and went to Oregon State, and landed a decent gs-11 fed job and bought a nice SFH ranch-style house out on a half acre in Damascus with his loving, long-suffering wife who put herself through Towson by working long hours as a waitress and a nanny, only for her husband to get sucked back into the family drama when the patriarch came up with one last stupid, selfish plan.

Truly sorry for you and also I enjoy all your updates. Wow. I just want to say again that I feel bad so bad for you, OP and the whole extended family who so greedy, but also, so heartless and stupid.

I'd totally watch this.

Especially if it ended in a really good episode of Antiques Roadshow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if I remember correctly it was questionable whether the BIL/SIL really bought the house for 100 K less than market value. OP came back once if I remember that the comps might actually have been in line with what they paid and that FIL/ MIL had a lot of deferred maintenance. It honestly doesn’t sound like the BIL/SIL got a deal, especially when they couldn’t move out any of the previous owners ( parents ) junk and had to help provide care for them. My guess is that BIL is an idiotic , thought he got a screaming good deal but was scammed by FIL.

The sister with POA sounds like the next scammer who wants to keep the cabin for some unidentified reason.

Just say no on a HELOC. Sell the cabin and put the money in a low risk investment account that can be drawn upon to pay for MIL’s care.

A lawyer needs to be consulted re that sale and the look back period.

If DH does not contribute and 2nd has no $, sis will be left with the only viable option, to sell for MIL care. If stewarding her funds is not sis’s goal contact adult protective services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the cabin can generate income to cover the HELOC this sounds like a really dumb plan. Has anyone talked with an estate planner or financial advisor? AL is so costly and MIL only has 400kish? Someone needs to be considering Medicaid lookback and possibly selling now. What if MIL doesn’t die in 3-4 years? Sorry to be blunt or seem as if I’m wishing death on her, but these are things you have to consider. Who is going to pay for her AL and SNF if she lives 10 years?

The whole saga strains credulity with all the twists and turns about siblings getting a deal/not getting a deal. IDK. If you’re real you need to tell your husband no joint assets go into this asinine plan, and if there’s a better plan, and it involves your money you need a post-nuptial agreement immediately.

Agree. Not only dumb, but maybe impossible. We have a HELOC and had to submit almost as much paperwork as we did for the mortgage. The lender wants you to pay back what you borrow. The house is collateral, but the lender doesn't want to foreclose - it's like another mortgage. I don't see how MIL is going to be able to demonstrate an ability to make monthly HELOC payments.

OP, I wouldn't worry about this too much. Your husband and his siblings are going to rapidly reach the conclusion that the cabin must be sold. You may have another issue on your hands if he wants to go in on it with his sister, but that's an issue for another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs to die. Are people that interested in this cabin and messed up family?

I am. Totally on Team OP!

+1! It's a family saga and OP seems to be the only one not wearing rose colored glasses. I like this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

DH's family is a mess. FIL pitched selling their primary residence undervalued as a benefit to BIL/SIL but never ended up moving out. BIL/SIL cared for FIL as he was on hospice and now care for MIL as she's still not in AL. They've had to take time off work; it's been a considerable expense and time suck for them. I check in on MIL during the day as I am self-employed and bring her lunch. DH works 4 AM - 4 PM and visits on the weekends.

SIL floated the idea of a HELOC (or a reverse mortgage) to pay for MIL's care. The suggestions on this thread make it very clear that the cabin needs to be sold—end of story. I am not going to entertain this foolishness anymore.

The challenge is that DH's family is so emotionally attached to the cabin on a sentimental level that they will fight and argue about it.

The entire time I've been reading this thread, I kept thinking SIL means a reverse mortgage, not a HELOC, but somehow I doubt she understands those are very different things. She doesn't sound financially literate, ya know? But here's the thing: if she goes in asking for a HELOC, no one is going to hold her hand and say "actually, what I think you want is a reverse mortgage," and save her from making an enormous financial mistake.

OP, I feel for you. What an eff'ing mess. I agree with everyone else here that your DH needs to wash her hands of this cabin ASAP. If his siblings refuse to sell it, he has to have enough backbone to say "No, I will not be part of this."

I just posted that I don't think a HELOC is possible. And neither is a reverse mortgage (based on my basic googling) because the mortgagee has to be living in the house.