It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.

[Anonymous]

The amount of financial illiteracy everyone in this scenario including OP, has is frightening. MIL gets a pass due to her Alzheimer's but everyone else seems at about a fifth grade level at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of financial illiteracy everyone in this scenario including OP, has is frightening. MIL gets a pass due to her Alzheimer's but everyone else seems at about a fifth grade level at best.

To be fair, I think the family was bullied by the dad around finances for many years. And his influence seems to remain even after his passing.

The only solution here is to sell the cabin and use those funds to pay for MIL’s care. Nothing else makes sense.

[Anonymous]

This is a horrible plan if SIL can even do it. Average heloc rates right now are almost 8.5%. Who is paying this interest? Who is paying taxes, maintenance, insurance and other expenses on the house? There is no way it’s only $150 a month x3 right now when you add it up. You are also saddling the 3rd sibling with an expense they can’t begin to afford and they will all end up hating each other. Can DH and that sibling override SIL?

You need to talk to an attorney, separate all finances and protect yourself if DH continues on with this crazy and unrealistic scheme. His family is completely delusional. This will not end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible plan if SIL can even do it. Average heloc rates right now are almost 8.5%. Who is paying this interest? Who is paying taxes, maintenance, insurance and other expenses on the house? There is no way it’s only $150 a month x3 right now when you add it up. You are also saddling the 3rd sibling with an expense they can’t begin to afford and they will all end up hating each other. Can DH and that sibling override SIL?

You need to talk to an attorney, separate all finances and protect yourself if DH continues on with this crazy and unrealistic scheme. His family is completely delusional. This will not end well.

PS I’ve followed your whole saga so I feel very confident that they are all delusional and I really do feel for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Sell the cabin.

[Anonymous]

The payments now will not just be for the property taxes and maintenance — who will be making the monthly payments for the HELOC?

MIL and siblings need to see an elder law attorney first before they do anything to figure out the best way forward for MIL. She may need to qualify for Medicaid down the road and there’s a 5-year look back period.

Re-read 10:18’s post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a complex family drama. It is like a miniseries on HBO or something. I am picturing loggers in the pacific northwest, or maybe a family in the ozarks, and your DH is the one who got out and went to Oregon State, and landed a decent gs-11 fed job and bought a nice SFH ranch-style house out on a half acre in Damascus with his loving, long-suffering wife who put herself through Towson by working long hours as a waitress and a nanny, only for her husband to get sucked back into the family drama when the patriarch came up with one last stupid, selfish plan.

Truly sorry for you and also I enjoy all your updates. Wow. I just want to say again that I feel bad so bad for you, OP and the whole extended family who so greedy, but also, so heartless and stupid.

Oh I love this.
Can they please have a bake sale and save the cabin at the end? Or maybe find hidden treasure under the floorboards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I’m not clear on the situation. The cabin is owned outright currently, yes? There are no other assets? The plan is to keep the cabin in the family. Would the other siblings buy your dh out?

OP here:

Sorry, I’m not clear on the situation
- DH wants us to contribute to a property he will inherit. In my state, inheritance or gifts are not subject to community property. I am uncomfortable contributing household income to a real property I will have zero entitlement to if we divorce.

The cabin is owned outright currently, yes?
- Owned outright - yes.

There are no other assets?
- MIL has maybe 30K in savings, which will go quickly with 12K of move-in costs.

Would the other siblings buy your dh out?
- No. One is flat broke and unsure how even he would afford the ongoing costs.

OP—as you point out, $30K in savings will be fine in less than three months. Assisted living is very very expensive (typically $9-14K in DMV area)
Even if the three siblings agree that DH’s POA sister should just sell the cabin to pay for mom’s care—which is definitely my vote because the cabin still belongs to DH’s mom and she needs the income from in more than the three siblings need the inheritance (to which they are not even entitled until after she dies)…the money from the cabin sale will help her to live comfortably in assisted living for 3-4 years. And if she lives beyond that, you’ll need a new plan.
If she doesn’t, then the three siblings inherit the remaining cash from the cabin sale.

I get your position, but rather than thinking about how to financially protect yourself in case of a divorce, I’d focus on getting DH to persuade his sister that the actual cabin is a drain and should be sold to care for mom now.

[Anonymous]

“Fine” = gone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once he receives 1/3 of the cabin, does it become joint property? If not, then I would execute a document that states you are entitled to 1/2 of your DH's share if you are contributing 1/2 of the expense.

+1

FWIW I wouldn't want to contribute AT ALL. I would tell DH he needs to sell his portion to the siblings OR they need to collectively sell th cabin to pay for her care. PERIOD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How exactly is your husband going to “inherit” the HELOC? It doesn’t work that way. You don’t inherit debt. The creditor will take what they are owed from the estate but your husband will not owe it. I also don’t think the HELOC can be opened by someone not on the title to the cabin, nor can it be transferred to someone else.

Just tell your DH you are not OK putting money into the cabin. Open your own savings account and put your share of the monthly savings in there. Let him do what he wants with his half.

If they don't already do this and it will be a new thing, friction will ensue. Don't do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The siblings need to buy the cabin outright. It can be at a reduced rate. She can use the proceeds to pay for AL, and anything leftover can be inherited.

This would make your share of the cabin subject to community property and no one inherits debt.

Come up with a fantastic ownership agreement though, outlining who pays what when, what the “house rules” are, who has access when, how major decisions are made, and what happens if someone wants out of the family cabin.

This is a small [1 bedroom?] remote cabin. Someone posted the links to the other threads. Plus it's the crew where one BIL or SIL scammed the others on the now deceased FIL + MIL primary home. Hot mess.

Sounds like no DH sibs have the $ to buy the cabin so bye bye cabin. My adult kids would be furious if I stuck them with that.

[Anonymous]

So if I remember correctly it was questionable whether the BIL/SIL really bought the house for 100 K less than market value. OP came back once if I remember that the comps might actually have been in line with what they paid and that FIL/ MIL had a lot of deferred maintenance. It honestly doesn’t sound like the BIL/SIL got a deal, especially when they couldn’t move out any of the previous owners ( parents ) junk and had to help provide care for them. My guess is that BIL is an idiotic , thought he got a screaming good deal but was scammed by FIL.

The sister with POA sounds like the next scammer who wants to keep the cabin for some unidentified reason.

Just say no on a HELOC. Sell the cabin and put the money in a low risk investment account that can be drawn upon to pay for MIL’s care.

[Anonymous]

SELL.

[Anonymous]

Sell. Or sign over DH share if cabin to sibs and avoid being saddled with debt and payments. Tell them DH share of whatever they think it's worth is his best and final contribution to her care.
The end.