Confession - I never had an issue with alcohol before I had kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

The OP is absolutely an alcoholic. Did you read the first post? It sounds like she's a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.

Things can go down quickly from here. While her responsibilities may currently be keeping her drinking under moderate control, that could change as her kids get older.

You absolutely cannot diagnose someone through a message board. You lose all credibility when you do so, not that you likely ever had any. What are your qualifications—do you work in the field of substance abuse? Please state them.

Did you even read the OP? It's textbook alcoholism. Textbook.

Which textbook is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I drink a fair amount in the evening after the kids are in bed and it's not a problem.

My career is going well. Family life is fine. Kids are in good shape.

People on DCUM love to to hate on drinking, but I feel like it's just weak-minded people that just can't handle life. I'm sorry you can't enjoy wine + life. Too bad for you.

Well, it does cause cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

The OP is absolutely an alcoholic. Did you read the first post? It sounds like she's a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.

Things can go down quickly from here. While her responsibilities may currently be keeping her drinking under moderate control, that could change as her kids get older.

You absolutely cannot diagnose someone through a message board. You lose all credibility when you do so, not that you likely ever had any. What are your qualifications—do you work in the field of substance abuse? Please state them.

It sounds like someone is sensitive about her own alcohol consumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

NP

My son needed stitches. I had about four glasses of wine with my neighbor.

My husband was at work and actually he was at the hospital. I was headed to.

I couldn’t drive so I called an Uber. It’s not that complicated. I ended up canceling the Uber because my neighbor called her husband and he drove me.

My friend was with me and her son fell and broke his shoulder or collarbone or something but anyway she couldn’t drive him and care for him at the same time so I drive him and if I hadn’t been there, she would’ve called an Uber. Not because she was drunk, but because she had to hold his arm.

How nice that you have money for Ubers but not everyone does. I also dint have money for alcohol so that works out for me.

I didn’t pay for the wine and the Uber is $20. If you don’t have $20 for an emergency. You have more problems than somebody who has four glasses of wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

How would alcohol make her life more stressful? That makes no sense.

Being hungover the next day would be a pretty big problem. How do you deal with your kids like that?

I think it’s hard for people to understand that many of us can have three drinks and not be hung over the next day. Not even a little bit.

Keep punishing that liver! My dad drank like that and was dead of cirrhosis of the liver by 61.

Nebo is dead from psoriasis from three glasses of wine at night. And I even have three glasses of wine every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

The OP is absolutely an alcoholic. Did you read the first post? It sounds like she's a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.

Things can go down quickly from here. While her responsibilities may currently be keeping her drinking under moderate control, that could change as her kids get older.

Now there are four stages of alcohol use.

The first stage is alcohol use, the second stage is increased consumption and use to regulate emotion, the third stage is consistent drinking that affects health and the fourth stage is addiction to alcohol and loss of control.

OP seems to be in stage two and worried about entering stage three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

How would alcohol make her life more stressful? That makes no sense.

1. It costs money.
2. It is bad for your health.
3. It takes away time from other things you can be doing to make your life less stressful, such as catching up on sleep or getting ahead on a work project. My drug of choice is TV but I do recognize it makes my life more stressful in this way.
4. For many people, it has a depressing effect.

It also makes you checked out from your kids. Having the drink is the priority vs. caring for your kids. My Dad was an alcoholic.

how is op having one glass of wine after her kids are asleep 'checked out from her kids' and 'making the drink a priority vs them'? did you read the post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

It is known that consumption of alcohol increases anxiety contrary to popular opinion.

It actually depends. Just like caffeine usually wakes people up but for ADHD people caffeine comes them down. I think for people who are constantly in control and have to emotionally regulate all the time. Alcohol doesn’t make them anxious cause they’re always anxious. It brings them down to a normal level and that’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

How would alcohol make her life more stressful? That makes no sense.

1. It costs money.
2. It is bad for your health.
3. It takes away time from other things you can be doing to make your life less stressful, such as catching up on sleep or getting ahead on a work project. My drug of choice is TV but I do recognize it makes my life more stressful in this way.
4. For many people, it has a depressing effect.

It also makes you checked out from your kids. Having the drink is the priority vs. caring for your kids. My Dad was an alcoholic.

Obviously, your dad was an alcoholic because you don’t even understand. There’s some area between not drinking and being completely checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

The OP is absolutely an alcoholic. Did you read the first post? It sounds like she's a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.

Things can go down quickly from here. While her responsibilities may currently be keeping her drinking under moderate control, that could change as her kids get older.

Now there are four stages of alcohol use.

The first stage is alcohol use, the second stage is increased consumption and use to regulate emotion, the third stage is consistent drinking that affects health and the fourth stage is addiction to alcohol and loss of control.

OP seems to be in stage two and worried about entering stage three.

I'm not sure that's the case. I think op's concern was cancer risk at status quo.
Lots of people dont get worse where drinking is concerned but more so stay at baseline of whatever is normal for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

The OP is absolutely an alcoholic. Did you read the first post? It sounds like she's a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.

Things can go down quickly from here. While her responsibilities may currently be keeping her drinking under moderate control, that could change as her kids get older.

You absolutely cannot diagnose someone through a message board. You lose all credibility when you do so, not that you likely ever had any. What are your qualifications—do you work in the field of substance abuse? Please state them.

jfc lady. OP confessed her alcohol problem in the subject line of her post, then wrote a muddled post mixing both excuses and desperation.

No one here is "diagnosing" anything. People are making informal observations and recommendations that could save OP's life.
Take your inane pedantry elsewhere.

Issue does not equal alcoholism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are typically "in control" might turn to alcohol to release that control because it provides a temporary escape from the constant pressure of self-regulation, allowing them to relax, let go of inhibitions, and experience a different emotional state, even if it means acting less controlled than usual; essentially, alcohol acts as a way to "switch off" the part of their brain responsible for maintaining strict self-control.

The reason you are drinking more with children, a job, and other responsibilities is because you have too many responsibilities. One thing you could do is come back on responsibilities. That’s not realistic for most.

The next thing you can do is just recognize that you spend so much of your day being responsible and controlling the emotions you have in order to be responsible that it at some point you need to release. It’s easier to do that with alcohol. It turns off your brain and you are in a way not in control and that feels good.

I personally would not try to a psychiatrist and get drugs to replace alcohol. I would work with a psychologist to learn ways to bring down your emotions without alcohol. You can do that by walking in nature, sticking your head in a bowl, full of ice, water, yoga, meditation, Pickleball, running.

Seriously when you meet somebody who runs marathons, they’re just somebody with a mental illness. They’re trying to keep under control.

Good luck and stopping being so hard on yourself

Op - omg you read my mind. It makes me so happy that someone else gets it.

I am naturally a creative and don’t have the best self regulation. That was fine when I was lower on the totem pole at work and had no kids. But as I got successful and had kids I needed to keep my emotions regulated at all times and it kills me. I don’t think I have much choice about that unless I get a job with others who are less formal or corporate. I have in the past enjoyed jobs in news and politics and creative fields bc they don’t require the same level of emotional regulation. I think this is a huge piece

I’m glad you found some value in my post. What I would recommend to you is lots of self-care. I don’t know how much you’re drinking but if it’s every day, I would find a way to reduce that.

The problem is you’re not an alcoholic right now, but what happens is if you use alcohol to regulate your emotions when something horrible happens. Cancer, death in the family, divorce… Then you start to use alcohol away that does end up in alcoholism.

So I’d find ways to deal with your emotions positively now before it’s too late. I know it sounds right, but I’ve done it with Pickleball and golf and walking. Maybe you like to run or fish or do art I don’t know what it is. That will help you regulate your emotions. You should find out what that is and do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

The OP is absolutely an alcoholic. Did you read the first post? It sounds like she's a functional alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.

Things can go down quickly from here. While her responsibilities may currently be keeping her drinking under moderate control, that could change as her kids get older.

Now there are four stages of alcohol use.

The first stage is alcohol use, the second stage is increased consumption and use to regulate emotion, the third stage is consistent drinking that affects health and the fourth stage is addiction to alcohol and loss of control.

OP seems to be in stage two and worried about entering stage three.

I'm not sure that's the case. I think op's concern was cancer risk at status quo.
Lots of people dont get worse where drinking is concerned but more so stay at baseline of whatever is normal for them.

Sure, you could say the same thing about drinking Diet Coke, or any processed food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have an anxiety disorder that you're medicating with alcohol. It's normal for people with anxiety disorders to have symptoms worsen with age.

Please wake up and talk to a psychiatrist about actual pharmaceuticals. If for some reason medication does not work for you (it doesn't for me), get a therapist and seriously commit to meditation and paring down your schedule. This is what I've done.

Otherwise alcohol is going to ruin your life.

Op - I have tried ssris but none have really worked. All caused weight gain and feeling of being numb.

I would gently push back on it ruining my life. It actually has no deleterious affect on me but my concern is physical health

And alcohol doesn't?

I would suggest finding a different physician or asking for a referral to a psychiatrist who has more knowledge on the many different types of medication out there. There are more options for anxiety than just the SSRIs your primary case physician is going to prescribe to you.

[Anonymous]

So many mommies on here that can relate to OP's bad behavior saying she's fine, she doesn't need to see a doctor, etc.,

Newsflash: If you NEED alcohol for something, it doesn't matter how much you drink or how frequently, it means you have a drinking problem.