Confession - I never had an issue with alcohol before I had kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

This is anxiety speaking. Odds of this are extremely low. In 9 years of parenting I have never suddenly had to drive somewhere in the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

This is anxiety speaking. Odds of this are extremely low. In 9 years of parenting I have never suddenly had to drive somewhere in the night.

I don’t think it’s anxiety. I mean, one glass or even maybe two is fine. But how would you feel if you hired a babysitter and they were getting drunk after the kids were in bed? You’d probably be upset because they are responsible for the kids, right? I think it’s reasonable to want there to be one sober adult in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

How would alcohol make her life more stressful? That makes no sense.

1. It costs money.
2. It is bad for your health.
3. It takes away time from other things you can be doing to make your life less stressful, such as catching up on sleep or getting ahead on a work project. My drug of choice is TV but I do recognize it makes my life more stressful in this way.
4. For many people, it has a depressing effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

NP

My son needed stitches. I had about four glasses of wine with my neighbor.

My husband was at work and actually he was at the hospital. I was headed to.

I couldn’t drive so I called an Uber. It’s not that complicated. I ended up canceling the Uber because my neighbor called her husband and he drove me.

My friend was with me and her son fell and broke his shoulder or collarbone or something but anyway she couldn’t drive him and care for him at the same time so I drive him and if I hadn’t been there, she would’ve called an Uber. Not because she was drunk, but because she had to hold his arm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

How would alcohol make her life more stressful? That makes no sense.

Being hungover the next day would be a pretty big problem. How do you deal with your kids like that?

I think it’s hard for people to understand that many of us can have three drinks and not be hung over the next day. Not even a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your life is hard. I get it. You deserve support.

But that's not why you are an alcoholic. It's why you have trouble fighting your alcoholism. It was easy to be a functional alcoholic before you had adult responsibility.

OP it’s not an alcoholic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have an anxiety disorder that you're medicating with alcohol. It's normal for people with anxiety disorders to have symptoms worsen with age.

Please wake up and talk to a psychiatrist about actual pharmaceuticals. If for some reason medication does not work for you (it doesn't for me), get a therapist and seriously commit to meditation and paring down your schedule. This is what I've done.

Otherwise alcohol is going to ruin your life.

Op - I have tried ssris but none have really worked. All caused weight gain and feeling of being numb.

I would gently push back on it ruining my life. It actually has no deleterious affect on me but my concern is physical health

I'm with OP, and have wondered the same thing. If it means to you that I have an alcohol problem, meh. It is the best out there I've found. Is there anything else out there that is just a once in a while thing? I don't want to be consistently medicated.

[Anonymous]

People who are typically "in control" might turn to alcohol to release that control because it provides a temporary escape from the constant pressure of self-regulation, allowing them to relax, let go of inhibitions, and experience a different emotional state, even if it means acting less controlled than usual; essentially, alcohol acts as a way to "switch off" the part of their brain responsible for maintaining strict self-control.

The reason you are drinking more with children, a job, and other responsibilities is because you have too many responsibilities. One thing you could do is come back on responsibilities. That’s not realistic for most.

The next thing you can do is just recognize that you spend so much of your day being responsible and controlling the emotions you have in order to be responsible that it at some point you need to release. It’s easier to do that with alcohol. It turns off your brain and you are in a way not in control and that feels good.

I personally would not try to a psychiatrist and get drugs to replace alcohol. I would work with a psychologist to learn ways to bring down your emotions without alcohol. You can do that by walking in nature, sticking your head in a bowl, full of ice, water, yoga, meditation, Pickleball, running.

Seriously when you meet somebody who runs marathons, they’re just somebody with a mental illness. They’re trying to keep under control.

Good luck and stopping being so hard on yourself

[Anonymous]

^^^ sorry for all the typos. I’m using voice to text but you get the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are typically "in control" might turn to alcohol to release that control because it provides a temporary escape from the constant pressure of self-regulation, allowing them to relax, let go of inhibitions, and experience a different emotional state, even if it means acting less controlled than usual; essentially, alcohol acts as a way to "switch off" the part of their brain responsible for maintaining strict self-control.

The reason you are drinking more with children, a job, and other responsibilities is because you have too many responsibilities. One thing you could do is come back on responsibilities. That’s not realistic for most.

The next thing you can do is just recognize that you spend so much of your day being responsible and controlling the emotions you have in order to be responsible that it at some point you need to release. It’s easier to do that with alcohol. It turns off your brain and you are in a way not in control and that feels good.

I personally would not try to a psychiatrist and get drugs to replace alcohol. I would work with a psychologist to learn ways to bring down your emotions without alcohol. You can do that by walking in nature, sticking your head in a bowl, full of ice, water, yoga, meditation, Pickleball, running.

Seriously when you meet somebody who runs marathons, they’re just somebody with a mental illness. They’re trying to keep under control.

Good luck and stopping being so hard on yourself

Op - omg you read my mind. It makes me so happy that someone else gets it.

I am naturally a creative and don’t have the best self regulation. That was fine when I was lower on the totem pole at work and had no kids. But as I got successful and had kids I needed to keep my emotions regulated at all times and it kills me. I don’t think I have much choice about that unless I get a job with others who are less formal or corporate. I have in the past enjoyed jobs in news and politics and creative fields bc they don’t require the same level of emotional regulation. I think this is a huge piece

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

This is anxiety speaking. Odds of this are extremely low. In 9 years of parenting I have never suddenly had to drive somewhere in the night.

Anxiety is needing a drink to feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

This is anxiety speaking. Odds of this are extremely low. In 9 years of parenting I have never suddenly had to drive somewhere in the night.

Anxiety is needing a drink to feel better.

Both can be true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t you ever worry that something will happen and you won’t be able to drive? I’m a single parent and I never drank because of this.

NP

My son needed stitches. I had about four glasses of wine with my neighbor.

My husband was at work and actually he was at the hospital. I was headed to.

I couldn’t drive so I called an Uber. It’s not that complicated. I ended up canceling the Uber because my neighbor called her husband and he drove me.

My friend was with me and her son fell and broke his shoulder or collarbone or something but anyway she couldn’t drive him and care for him at the same time so I drive him and if I hadn’t been there, she would’ve called an Uber. Not because she was drunk, but because she had to hold his arm.

How nice that you have money for Ubers but not everyone does. I also dint have money for alcohol so that works out for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Doesn’t alcohol make your life MORE stressful? I don’t quite buy your story.

How would alcohol make her life more stressful? That makes no sense.

Being hungover the next day would be a pretty big problem. How do you deal with your kids like that?

I think it’s hard for people to understand that many of us can have three drinks and not be hung over the next day. Not even a little bit.

Keep punishing that liver! My dad drank like that and was dead of cirrhosis of the liver by 61.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure I used to get drunk sometimes in my 20s; but it was when I had my first a decade ago that my stress level got so high that I would start to have a glass of wine - for example - at home alone. I had no family nearby - I had a full time job, ds had issues. And in that decade - nothing has changed. I still am responsible for the lions share of things with my kids and work full time and don’t have a village.
I say this bc as it pertains to the warning today - that for me (parenting) was the tipping point. And it’s not about - hahah ‘mommy wine!’ - it’s - ‘oh holy cow - every hour of my day is kind of stressful now - how do I not burn out so much that I need to quit my job?’

Anyone else relate?

Sort of the opposite. After kids I've had to cut back on drinking almost entirely because I just don't have the energy for it. Worse, my stomach and head can't tolerate it. I don't get hungover, but I get headaches and acid reflyx very easily after any amount of alcohol.

My mother became a nonfunctional alcoholic and I just don't understand how. I couldn't drink like that no matter how hard I tried.