Does anyone else believe in Mel Robbins's Let Them theory

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think even the author claims this is anything new. Like a lot of books in this genre, I think the idea is that sometimes good ideas need to be presented different ways to be meaningful or helpful to people. Brene Brown didn't invent the ideas of letting go of shame or using empathy in relationships, but she describes them in relatable ways that have helped people so why not (I'll also note Brown is actually an academic who spent years studying the concept of shame in psychology so she probably does know more about it than most).

I haven't read this book and likely won't, but I thought the NYT article on Robbins was interesting and I understand her appeal. I also think the idea she's promoting here is useful and needed for a lot of people. It's not about just letting everyone do what they want. It's about not engaging directly with people whose actions feel threatening or critical to you. So like if your parents are upset that you don't drag your kids across the country to spend Christmas with them, then you just let them be upset and make decisions that make sense for you family. You don't take your parents' feelings on as your own because those are not your feelings. You let your parents feel what they feel, respectfully, but you don't feel the need to contort yourself or your life to "fix" their feelings.

Groundbreaking? No. Helpful for many people who struggle with this precise issue in many interpersonal relationships? Yes. I started learning to "let them" about 10 years ago and I'm still working on it but it's been really helpful. In recent years I discovered that if I'm struggling to "let them" it helps if I go lift weights. So now I'm physically stronger and fitter and also mentally better off. Win-win.

If this book helps people, well... let them be helped! Who cares if it's not for you?

I think the piece missing in a lot of these “angry” comments is that you also let go of the judgment and anger. Like you end, the response should really be “who cares,” if it’s something benign, like a person writing a book. Your defensiveness and anger means something, otherwise you wouldn’t be. Maybe get curious about it. If you really want to be angry, fine, but stop overreacting. Be intentional.

[Anonymous]

mel robbins is a grifter. i don't care what she or other influencers say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone read the book?

I understand the premise and it’s probably helpful for chronic people pleasers, like myself. But if we just let people do as they please, how is anyone held accountable?

If I let my rude, negative family member continue their ways because that’s how they’ve always been…what comes of that? Or is it my own reaction that I am supposed to control?

You control your reaction, but be intentional. You set a boundary with behavior you don’t like. I think the more in control I am of my reactions, the better I can explain my position when upset. I also understand her point, which is based in CBT, that you can think anything you want to about a situation. Look at how many varied responses there are on threads here. One person might be mad with a behavior, while another person isn’t, or someone has a third take. The circumstances are the same - what you think about it creates your emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone read the book?

I understand the premise and it’s probably helpful for chronic people pleasers, like myself. But if we just let people do as they please, how is anyone held accountable?

If I let my rude, negative family member continue their ways because that’s how they’ve always been…what comes of that? Or is it my own reaction that I am supposed to control?

You control your reaction, but be intentional. You set a boundary with behavior you don’t like. I think the more in control I am of my reactions, the better I can explain my position when upset. I also understand her point, which is based in CBT, that you can think anything you want to about a situation. Look at how many varied responses there are on threads here. One person might be mad with a behavior, while another person isn’t, or someone has a third take. The circumstances are the same - what you think about it creates your emotions.

Thank you. I like the CBT point that was touched upon. Posters that see all of this as foolish were likely not raised in environments that lacked boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I invented this theory when I was 5

[Anonymous]

Me too, I remember realizing between ages of 3 and 5, you don't have to say or react to something you think in your head. It was a comfortable thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:mel robbins is a grifter. i don't care what she or other influencers say.

+1. Oprah seems attracted to them.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't work if you are a parent or a boss.

[Anonymous]

I see many drunk drivers swerving all over the beltway and 95.

Mind your own business. Not your problem. But most of all:

NEVER JUDGE !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually believe this theory is why America is going downhill. It's just another word for being self obsessed.

Hard disagree. Assuming I understand correctly, and we are talking on an interpersonal level (not, say, a societal law enforcement level), it’s refusing to let your own ego lead you around or distract you from what really matters. You don’t actually need to respond to every insult, settle every score, defend yourself against every bad faith implication. You can just notice what’s been done, then keep going with your own thing. It’s the equivalent of saying “okay” instead of taking the bait.

I started doing this at a certain point in my life, and it was so freeing. It also made it abundantly clear whom I wanted to spend time with…and didn’t. Gave me a better sense of humor, too. Agree with a PP that the stoics have a lot of good things to say here.

Yup. Let them be wrong about you. The life coach school says people pleasing is manipulative, which pairs nicely with this.

I would really like to know more about this idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see many drunk drivers swerving all over the beltway and 95.

Mind your own business. Not your problem. But most of all:

NEVER JUDGE !

https://www.logicallyfallacious.com/logicalfallacies/Appeal-to-Extremes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is a grifter spouting basic information. She has no background in psychology. She is a former lawyer who has made riches off saying mundane, simple simon "motivational" speeches. Oh, and of course, being a "coach" because that is a good money maker these days since literally ANYONE can be a coach.

You don’t have to be a psychologist to enrich someone’s life. What have you done to enrich the world? Mel Robins has left a positive impact on many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see many drunk drivers swerving all over the beltway and 95.

Mind your own business. Not your problem. But most of all:

NEVER JUDGE !

How pedantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s useful many many many times but there’s certain situations where you can’t just let them”.

I’m not sure if she explains when it is inappropriate to “let them”

Does she?

Did not read the book but watched Oprah's interview she talked about prom date for her son and rain which simple thing that you can let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just "They're gonna do what they're gonna do" about other people.

It's absurd that Mel Robbins or anyone is trying to lay claim to such basic stuff.

Agreed and also this is the serenity prayer.

God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.