Does anyone else believe in Mel Robbins's Let Them theory

[Anonymous]

I think it’s useful many many many times but there’s certain situations where you can’t just let them”.

I’m not sure if she explains when it is inappropriate to “let them”

Does she?

[Anonymous]

It’s honestly how I’ve mentally navigated the recent political and judicial developments (without getting into politics on this thread). You want to vote that way, have at it. Live your decisions.

On a personal level, it’s also how I’ve removed myself from family drama and gossip. I simply say ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ when someone tries to pull me into it.

[Anonymous]

This is just "They're gonna do what they're gonna do" about other people.

It's absurd that Mel Robbins or anyone is trying to lay claim to such basic stuff.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with this "theory," which is really just common sense.

I find I have a innate distrust of all of these women of my age with their self-help revelations. This lady really annoys me for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is a grifter spouting basic information. She has no background in psychology. She is a former lawyer who has made riches off saying mundane, simple simon "motivational" speeches. Oh, and of course, being a "coach" because that is a good money maker these days since literally ANYONE can be a coach.

I hate that I agree, but I do. She's like any other charismatic self-help guru. You initially like them a lot, but after a while, start seeing through their bs.

[Anonymous]

That’s like asking if we “believe” in gravity. Of course other people are just going to do or not do what they want, and we have no control over it. Other than your own minor children, you don’t have control over anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I 100% believe this and I wish I had followed this theory earlier in my life.

It’s not a theory it’s a mindset and it’s NOTHING new! It’s unremarkable actually. Interesting that you find it to be profound.

You're so fun.

[Anonymous]

I am curious how you fill a book with this. Feels like a paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Her gift is to repackage existing things into a new theory or a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious how you fill a book with this. Feels like a paragraph.

I feel that way about 90% of self help or parenting books. They take one concept that can be easily explained on the book jacket and somehow string it out for hundreds of pages. I guess that’s a talent.

OTOH, sometimes it really helps to see something obvious spelled out that way. I remember when the book “He’s not that into you” came out — I never read the book but I remember wishing that the concept had been promoted more earlier in my life, as it ran totally contrary to everything I’d seen in movies and in music etc., which was all about pursuing guys and making them realize that they actually loved you all along. My whole life might have been different if I had realized in my 20s that this was not, in fact, a thing and was actually more dangerous than the “waiting for Prince Charming” myth. So sometimes we need people to tell us something that is obvious. So I guess if this helps some people accept some very basic obvious truths that will help them lead happier lives, that’s fine by me. It’s different than snake oil sales because the advice they are selling actually seems helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a good approach, especially if you struggle with trying to control people around you.

However, that's never really been my problem. Actually, my problem is the inverse -- I find myself drawn to people who are somewhat controlling. I wonder if there is a "Let Them Theory" corollary for what to do when people in your life are always refusing to just let you do your thing? I guess just let them be mad when I do stuff they want to correct and tinker with.

That’s exactly right. Let them be mad. They can’t refuse to let you do your own thing unless they are subsidizing. They can make you fear the consequences to making them mad enough for YOU to prevent yourself from doing what you want.

People can’t be controlling unless there is someone around allowing themselves to be controlled. Not victim blaming, just pointing out a possible pattern in case it makes sense to you.

[Anonymous]

Stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but the NYT just published this: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/24/well/mind/mel-robbins-let-them-profile.html

(sorry I don't have a gift link -- I don't subscribe at the moment).

The gist of it based on the article is that when other people do things that you don't like, you just... let them. And then move on. Instead of trying to control others you let them be who they are and do what they want and you focus on you.

I think it's pretty basic and seems obvious but also the sort of thing I have to be reminded about over and over and over in life. I'm getting pretty good about it in middle age but I really could have used this in my 20s and early 30s.

This is how I’ve always lived my life. I don’t try to raise adults

[Anonymous]

If we all just "let them," the world will never get any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a good approach, especially if you struggle with trying to control people around you.

However, that's never really been my problem. Actually, my problem is the inverse -- I find myself drawn to people who are somewhat controlling. I wonder if there is a "Let Them Theory" corollary for what to do when people in your life are always refusing to just let you do your thing? I guess just let them be mad when I do stuff they want to correct and tinker with.

That’s exactly right. Let them be mad. They can’t refuse to let you do your own thing unless they are subsidizing. They can make you fear the consequences to making them mad enough for YOU to prevent yourself from doing what you want.

People can’t be controlling unless there is someone around allowing themselves to be controlled. Not victim blaming, just pointing out a possible pattern in case it makes sense to you.

The biggest test of this I ever experienced was in a workplace. I had a boss/mentor who I did not initially understand was a deeply controlling person until I was at a point where she was telling me what to do in my marriage, with my family, with my finances. I was absolutely letting myself be controlled by her but I was young and went into it thinking she really had my best interests at heart (I'm not so naive now). That was a really hard situation and it was difficult and painful to extract myself. But that's how I got through it -- reminding myself that she could judge me, tell me what I should do, even try to directly involve herself in my personal life (which she did), but unless I listened to her or did what she said, it wouldn't matter. Obviously I also had to leave that job (which was the hardest part) but even there, I learned that I *could* leave the job, and that even with her threats about what would happen if I did, she couldn't actually hurt me unless I let her.

I definitely wish I'd understood all of this before I had that experience. Learning to let people judge me, criticize me, threaten me, and then just doing what I want, has been one of the most valuable lessons in my life. I wish I had been taught this as a kid (I was actually taught the opposite). Now I pass that hard won lesson onto my own child.