Does anyone else believe in Mel Robbins's Let Them theory

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a good approach, especially if you struggle with trying to control people around you.

However, that's never really been my problem. Actually, my problem is the inverse -- I find myself drawn to people who are somewhat controlling. I wonder if there is a "Let Them Theory" corollary for what to do when people in your life are always refusing to just let you do your thing? I guess just let them be mad when I do stuff they want to correct and tinker with.

That’s exactly right. Let them be mad. They can’t refuse to let you do your own thing unless they are subsidizing. They can make you fear the consequences to making them mad enough for YOU to prevent yourself from doing what you want.

People can’t be controlling unless there is someone around allowing themselves to be controlled. Not victim blaming, just pointing out a possible pattern in case it makes sense to you.

The biggest test of this I ever experienced was in a workplace. I had a boss/mentor who I did not initially understand was a deeply controlling person until I was at a point where she was telling me what to do in my marriage, with my family, with my finances. I was absolutely letting myself be controlled by her but I was young and went into it thinking she really had my best interests at heart (I'm not so naive now). That was a really hard situation and it was difficult and painful to extract myself. But that's how I got through it -- reminding myself that she could judge me, tell me what I should do, even try to directly involve herself in my personal life (which she did), but unless I listened to her or did what she said, it wouldn't matter. Obviously I also had to leave that job (which was the hardest part) but even there, I learned that I *could* leave the job, and that even with her threats about what would happen if I did, she couldn't actually hurt me unless I let her.

I definitely wish I'd understood all of this before I had that experience. Learning to let people judge me, criticize me, threaten me, and then just doing what I want, has been one of the most valuable lessons in my life. I wish I had been taught this as a kid (I was actually taught the opposite). Now I pass that hard won lesson onto my own child.

Did this woman's last name begin with B? Because you described my boss who I thought was a mentor, but was actually a bully. When I went along, things were great, otherwise look out.

[Anonymous]

It's a rehash of STOICISM. Been around for literally thousands of years. Not new and not revolutionary. Also refer to the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F&ck". Robbins acts like she discovered the holy grail and it's a little nauseating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a rehash of STOICISM. Been around for literally thousands of years. Not new and not revolutionary. Also refer to the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F&ck". Robbins acts like she discovered the holy grail and it's a little nauseating.

And all hero stories are Beowulf. What’s your point? Every book is derivative of other books. Good for her for monetizing.

Not even the story of Noah’s Ark in the Bible is original.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might be nothing new but it still needs to be said. If I had spent more time living my own life and not micromanaging my children’s, which my religion certainly encouraged and I thought was my “parental duty”, maybe we’d have a relationship….

Which religion encourages you to micromanage your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a civilized adult is a Theory now?

In the DC area, it would be completely theoretical having never been experimentally tested.

In DC we are experimenting with legalized carjacking at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is a grifter spouting basic information. She has no background in psychology. She is a former lawyer who has made riches off saying mundane, simple simon "motivational" speeches. Oh, and of course, being a "coach" because that is a good money maker these days since literally ANYONE can be a coach.

Sooo she is going to let you be

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty much always been my way of life but it does mean leaving a lot of situations and relationships behind and ghosting.

[Anonymous]

When you see a woman on the Metro being set on fire, and burned alive, by a twice-deported illegal immigrant, what you should do is:

- nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your thoughts on it?

Yes AND it’s not her theory. Nothing new here. It’s essentially step 3 in AA or any other 12 step program of “turning things over aka letting go.”

It and she’s the most recent obnoxious white woman (aka Brene Brown) who has great timing, an amazing marketing machine and who Oprah latches onto and treats like a goddess.

I much prefer books like the best selling Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Nedra Tewab

Why do you feel the need to make this about her being a white woman? You don't think men or women from other racial groups could have obnoxious advice books/shows/articles?

[Anonymous]

America is too obsessed with individualism

[Anonymous]

I actually believe this theory is why America is going downhill. It's just another word for being self obsessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your thoughts on it?

Yes AND it’s not her theory. Nothing new here. It’s essentially step 3 in AA or any other 12 step program of “turning things over aka letting go.”

It and she’s the most recent obnoxious white woman (aka Brene Brown) who has great timing, an amazing marketing machine and who Oprah latches onto and treats like a goddess.

I much prefer books like the black[b] best selling Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Nedra Tewab

🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a rehash of STOICISM. Been around for literally thousands of years. Not new and not revolutionary. Also refer to the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F&ck". Robbins acts like she discovered the holy grail and it's a little nauseating.

And yet here you are caring about what this woman is doing, being annoyed about it, even nauseated. Despite this idea being old and sold a million different ways, you struggle with it just like a lot of us do.

Just let it go. "Let them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually believe this theory is why America is going downhill. It's just another word for being self obsessed.

Hard disagree. Assuming I understand correctly, and we are talking on an interpersonal level (not, say, a societal law enforcement level), it’s refusing to let your own ego lead you around or distract you from what really matters. You don’t actually need to respond to every insult, settle every score, defend yourself against every bad faith implication. You can just notice what’s been done, then keep going with your own thing. It’s the equivalent of saying “okay” instead of taking the bait.

I started doing this at a certain point in my life, and it was so freeing. It also made it abundantly clear whom I wanted to spend time with…and didn’t. Gave me a better sense of humor, too. Agree with a PP that the stoics have a lot of good things to say here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is a grifter spouting basic information. She has no background in psychology. She is a former lawyer who has made riches off saying mundane, simple simon "motivational" speeches. Oh, and of course, being a "coach" because that is a good money maker these days since literally ANYONE can be a coach.

This was my take as well. It’s a pretty basic concept that’s been around the block a few times.