Elegant comeback ideas for public school parents who

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they saying "well my kid went to Public HS and is going to Same Ivy" or are they just...sharing where their kid got it?

This. If someone is saying "Well Larla is also going to Yale and that's without having blown 300k on private tuition" then by all means say "Congratulations but I have no regrets about private school because it was the learning environment we thought would best prepare our kids for college and beyond." Like just don't engage on the premise that private school is about getting into top colleges (especially because this is not a good reason to send kids to private schools!).

But I suspect that what is actually happening is that OP knows people who are just sharing the good news of their kid getting into top schools and OP is mentally doing the math on how those kids were able to do that without spending money on private school tuition and feeling like a chump and wants to one-up these people somehow as an act of defensiveness. This is all about OP's insecurities and nothing to do with the other people. As I said, sending your kids to private just to get into highly competitive colleges is a fool's errand -- it doesn't always work out that way and it's way too much money to view as an investment in a specific outcome. You have to choose private for it's intrinsic qualities and accept that college is going to work out the way it works out -- not every kid is Ivy League material even at very competitive private HSs.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, you are allowed to say where your DD was admitted but others are not? Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any elegant comeback ideas for when a parent highlights their public school child got into the same college(s) as our private school daughter? The passive-aggressive point they are trying to make is that we wasted our money on private school tuition and we should have just stayed in the public system and would have ended up at the same place. So far, I've been using variations of "Good for you/them!"

How many parents like this do you know? One and done, right.
Your kid needed private to get into that college, their kid didn't. What do you think about that? Both can end up without job at the end of it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they saying "well my kid went to Public HS and is going to Same Ivy" or are they just...sharing where their kid got it?

This. If someone is saying "Well Larla is also going to Yale and that's without having blown 300k on private tuition" then by all means say "Congratulations but I have no regrets about private school because it was the learning environment we thought would best prepare our kids for college and beyond." Like just don't engage on the premise that private school is about getting into top colleges (especially because this is not a good reason to send kids to private schools!).

But I suspect that what is actually happening is that OP knows people who are just sharing the good news of their kid getting into top schools and OP is mentally doing the math on how those kids were able to do that without spending money on private school tuition and feeling like a chump and wants to one-up these people somehow as an act of defensiveness. This is all about OP's insecurities and nothing to do with the other people. As I said, sending your kids to private just to get into highly competitive colleges is a fool's errand -- it doesn't always work out that way and it's way too much money to view as an investment in a specific outcome. You have to choose private for it's intrinsic qualities and accept that college is going to work out the way it works out -- not every kid is Ivy League material even at very competitive private HSs.

OP LITERALLY says the comments are passive aggressive so stop implying that she’s sensitive to the topic and taking it the wrong way. Everyone knows that colleges and universities cannot fill their classes with solely private school kids so of course, public school kids will be there. I hate it when public school parents find their way into this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any elegant comeback ideas for when a parent highlights their public school child got into the same college(s) as our private school daughter? The passive-aggressive point they are trying to make is that we wasted our money on private school tuition and we should have just stayed in the public system and would have ended up at the same place. So far, I've been using variations of "Good for you/them!"

"So surprising you got kids that smart"

[Anonymous]

There are really only two options here. One, the public school parent is being smug and misunderstanding OP's priorities and trying to get a dig in. Two, the public school parent is excited for their kid the same way OP is excited for her kid, but it's hitting a nerve on OP due to either insecurities or past interactions.

In both instances I think the only "elegant" reaction is to congratulate the kid on their success. There's no elegant way to get into a fight about who has more money or better priorities or a smarter/grittier/more successful kid. If you think that's what she's trying to do, refuse to be pulled down to that level.

[Anonymous]

who cares? it's about more than "getting into college". It's about personal development and growth and life experiences. Not discounting that there is personal growth in public, bc of there is, but didn't you choose your private for a reason? I mean someone can get to the top of mountain by driving and others decide to hike to the top. So while destinations are the same, the journeys are completely different. You have to ask yourself, was your kid's journey worth it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any elegant comeback ideas for when a parent highlights their public school child got into the same college(s) as our private school daughter? The passive-aggressive point they are trying to make is that we wasted our money on private school tuition and we should have just stayed in the public system and would have ended up at the same place. So far, I've been using variations of "Good for you/them!"

How many parents like this do you know? One and done, right.
Your kid needed private to get into that college, their kid didn't. What do you think about that? Both can end up without job at the end of it all.

How would you know what either kid needs? What do you think about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they saying "well my kid went to Public HS and is going to Same Ivy" or are they just...sharing where their kid got it?

This. If someone is saying "Well Larla is also going to Yale and that's without having blown 300k on private tuition" then by all means say "Congratulations but I have no regrets about private school because it was the learning environment we thought would best prepare our kids for college and beyond." Like just don't engage on the premise that private school is about getting into top colleges (especially because this is not a good reason to send kids to private schools!).

But I suspect that what is actually happening is that OP knows people who are just sharing the good news of their kid getting into top schools and OP is mentally doing the math on how those kids were able to do that without spending money on private school tuition and feeling like a chump and wants to one-up these people somehow as an act of defensiveness. This is all about OP's insecurities and nothing to do with the other people. As I said, sending your kids to private just to get into highly competitive colleges is a fool's errand -- it doesn't always work out that way and it's way too much money to view as an investment in a specific outcome. You have to choose private for it's intrinsic qualities and accept that college is going to work out the way it works out -- not every kid is Ivy League material even at very competitive private HSs.

OP LITERALLY says the comments are passive aggressive so stop implying that she’s sensitive to the topic and taking it the wrong way. Everyone knows that colleges and universities cannot fill their classes with solely private school kids so of course, public school kids will be there. I hate it when public school parents find their way into this forum.

No, OP says she thinks they are passive aggressive. She is reading their minds. Impressive.

Presumably, Op is announcing where her DD got in. But the other parent shouldn’t (is not allowed to) do the same? Is OP that fragile that others have to police simple statements of fact? Or is it because the other parent’s child went to public and sharing that child’s results is in bad taste? Or unworthy? Would it be ok for the other parent to share if their kid also went to private?

As a private school parent, I find your last sentence hilarious. You and OP should be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they saying "well my kid went to Public HS and is going to Same Ivy" or are they just...sharing where their kid got it?

This. If someone is saying "Well Larla is also going to Yale and that's without having blown 300k on private tuition" then by all means say "Congratulations but I have no regrets about private school because it was the learning environment we thought would best prepare our kids for college and beyond." Like just don't engage on the premise that private school is about getting into top colleges (especially because this is not a good reason to send kids to private schools!).

But I suspect that what is actually happening is that OP knows people who are just sharing the good news of their kid getting into top schools and OP is mentally doing the math on how those kids were able to do that without spending money on private school tuition and feeling like a chump and wants to one-up these people somehow as an act of defensiveness. This is all about OP's insecurities and nothing to do with the other people. As I said, sending your kids to private just to get into highly competitive colleges is a fool's errand -- it doesn't always work out that way and it's way too much money to view as an investment in a specific outcome. You have to choose private for it's intrinsic qualities and accept that college is going to work out the way it works out -- not every kid is Ivy League material even at very competitive private HSs.

+1. How many public school parents do you even know that well and how many of their kids just happened to get into the same schools as your kid? Sounds like there is a lot of unsaid backstory and projecting going on here.

[Anonymous]

My DC would have been fine academically in either public or private. We chose a small private for the opportunity and community. The growth and confidence we see is spectacular. There's no way they would get the time and attention from the faculty and administration at a large public.

It's great that kids get into the same or similar colleges from public, but my kid is a better version of themselves because of their high school experience.

Congratulate them and move on. Only you and your family know why you chose private, and most who do pick private know it's not for college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Op if this bothers you it’s because you are wondering if it’s true. Ask your daughter how she feels about it. I bet she will tell you she’s really grateful for the school experience you gifted her. I say this as a public school mom. We all gift our kids with our resources in the best way that we see fits them, sports, tutoring, trips, etc. Every kid is different. I would just say she had a good experience and so it was worth it to your family and you would recommend that school to any other families as well ( assuming that’s true.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they saying "well my kid went to Public HS and is going to Same Ivy" or are they just...sharing where their kid got it?

This. If someone is saying "Well Larla is also going to Yale and that's without having blown 300k on private tuition" then by all means say "Congratulations but I have no regrets about private school because it was the learning environment we thought would best prepare our kids for college and beyond." Like just don't engage on the premise that private school is about getting into top colleges (especially because this is not a good reason to send kids to private schools!).

But I suspect that what is actually happening is that OP knows people who are just sharing the good news of their kid getting into top schools and OP is mentally doing the math on how those kids were able to do that without spending money on private school tuition and feeling like a chump and wants to one-up these people somehow as an act of defensiveness. This is all about OP's insecurities and nothing to do with the other people. As I said, sending your kids to private just to get into highly competitive colleges is a fool's errand -- it doesn't always work out that way and it's way too much money to view as an investment in a specific outcome. You have to choose private for it's intrinsic qualities and accept that college is going to work out the way it works out -- not every kid is Ivy League material even at very competitive private HSs.

OP LITERALLY says the comments are passive aggressive so stop implying that she’s sensitive to the topic and taking it the wrong way. Everyone knows that colleges and universities cannot fill their classes with solely private school kids so of course, public school kids will be there. I hate it when public school parents find their way into this forum.

I'm the PP and my DC goes to private. I think OP needs to toughen up and get over herself. Oh no passive aggressive comments! Whatever will she do?! Please. I live in DC, my kid attends a competitive private, I'm a lawyer, and I have a teenager. If passive aggressive comments broke me, I'd never get out of bed.

The point is that if someone really is saying something rude about this, the "come back" is simple: I sent my kid to private for reasons far beyond college admissions. And 9 times out of 10, the person isn't even being rude. If anything, they are simply exorcising their own insecurities about sending their kids to public. I don't need to engage in a tit for tat with them. Just say congratulations and move on. It really has nothing to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op if this bothers you it’s because you are wondering if it’s true. Ask your daughter how she feels about it. I bet she will tell you she’s really grateful for the school experience you gifted her. I say this as a public school mom. We all gift our kids with our resources in the best way that we see fits them, sports, tutoring, trips, etc. Every kid is different. I would just say she had a good experience and so it was worth it to your family and you would recommend that school to any other families as well ( assuming that’s true.)

Oh god. Please stop using “gifted” as a verb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give the other person a little grace - perhaps you are too sensitive, perhaps they don't mean anything by it, they just phrased it awkwardly. Or perhaps you will have to be the bigger person.
Either way, respond graciously, congratulate the other parent.

+1