Elegant comeback ideas for public school parents who

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't help but laugh at adults who convince themselves all the kids who get into a particular college are equal. Life doesn't reset when they all get on campus. And in an era of kids keeping their teen friend group for the rest of their lives, well worth the money to put them in a setting with amazing kids from great families.

Because it's not possible to be an amazing kid or a great family unless you are a private school family.

Ok. Got it. There's the elegant comeback.

[Anonymous]

I was recently at an event for my kids private school and SO many of the parents knew each other from DC area privates. They were all very, very successful. They attended state and private colleges, some very prestigious and some not. The things that make kids successful because of private school can’t be replicated and don’t depend on where you go to college. It’s the opportunity you have to do internships, to get introduced, to go places. It’s intangibles. Where one goes to college is meaningless in the face of those, unless it’s really great, then it just makes it better.!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any elegant comeback ideas for when a parent highlights their public school child got into the same college(s) as our private school daughter? The passive-aggressive point they are trying to make is that we wasted our money on private school tuition and we should have just stayed in the public system and would have ended up at the same place. So far, I've been using variations of "Good for you/them!"

The fact that you are looking for a comeback to this (and you are projecting something the other person didn’t say) means you are actually a wee bit insecure about this and the inference hit a nerve. It’s super weird when private school parents pretend they don’t hope their investment in tuition produces success and good college admission outcomes.

X1000

Which was it, a truly better education or pay to play to maintain/enhance social status.

If it was a truly better education, you would most likely not be bothered at all.

I genuinely don’t think this is OP’s issue. I think for a certain contingent of private school parents - a top college is the goal. For others, that would be a bonus but is not the goal - we just have so many issues with public school we wouldn’t consider it regardless of the college issue. The public school parent is the one who is insecure - thinking they are making a point that “we spent no extra money” and now look our kids are going to the same place! The private school parent inherently knows their kid received a better education that will be reflected in college, the work world and beyond but then has to play along and not say anything in order to not hurt the public school parents feelings or avoid coming off snobby. I. Essence we are being asked to extend the courtesy that they are not extending to us. They are “bragging” about their great result yet we cannot brag about how our kids high school education was better than their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any elegant comeback ideas for when a parent highlights their public school child got into the same college(s) as our private school daughter? The passive-aggressive point they are trying to make is that we wasted our money on private school tuition and we should have just stayed in the public system and would have ended up at the same place. So far, I've been using variations of "Good for you/them!"

The fact that you are looking for a comeback to this (and you are projecting something the other person didn’t say) means you are actually a wee bit insecure about this and the inference hit a nerve. It’s super weird when private school parents pretend they don’t hope their investment in tuition produces success and good college admission outcomes.

X1000

Which was it, a truly better education or pay to play to maintain/enhance social status.

If it was a truly better education, you would most likely not be bothered at all.

I genuinely don’t think this is OP’s issue. I think for a certain contingent of private school parents - a top college is the goal. For others, that would be a bonus but is not the goal - we just have so many issues with public school we wouldn’t consider it regardless of the college issue. The public school parent is the one who is insecure - thinking they are making a point that “we spent no extra money” and now look our kids are going to the same place! The private school parent inherently knows their kid received a better education that will be reflected in college, the work world and beyond but then has to play along and not say anything in order to not hurt the public school parents feelings or avoid coming off snobby. I. Essence we are being asked to extend the courtesy that they are not extending to us. They are “bragging” about their great result yet we cannot brag about how our kids high school education was better than their kids.

If your kid got a better education you can easily afford to turn the other cheek.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any elegant comeback ideas for when a parent highlights their public school child got into the same college(s) as our private school daughter? The passive-aggressive point they are trying to make is that we wasted our money on private school tuition and we should have just stayed in the public system and would have ended up at the same place. So far, I've been using variations of "Good for you/them!"

The fact that you are looking for a comeback to this (and you are projecting something the other person didn’t say) means you are actually a wee bit insecure about this and the inference hit a nerve. It’s super weird when private school parents pretend they don’t hope their investment in tuition produces success and good college admission outcomes.

X1000

Which was it, a truly better education or pay to play to maintain/enhance social status.

If it was a truly better education, you would most likely not be bothered at all.

I genuinely don’t think this is OP’s issue. I think for a certain contingent of private school parents - a top college is the goal. For others, that would be a bonus but is not the goal - we just have so many issues with public school we wouldn’t consider it regardless of the college issue. The public school parent is the one who is insecure - thinking they are making a point that “we spent no extra money” and now look our kids are going to the same place! The private school parent inherently knows their kid received a better education that will be reflected in college, the work world and beyond but then has to play along and not say anything in order to not hurt the public school parents feelings or avoid coming off snobby. I. Essence we are being asked to extend the courtesy that they are not extending to us. They are “bragging” about their great result yet we cannot brag about how our kids high school education was better than their kids.

If your kid got a better education you can easily afford to turn the other cheek.

Back to OPs point, there are effective ways to shut this down without having to tolerate rudeness by simply ignoring the boors who think this way.

[Anonymous]

“I’m proud of all the hard work Larla put in, and I can tell you’re proud of Larlo.”

And pivot the conversation.

She’s not worth your time or thought.

I get snarky comments on occasion from two other parents about my kid’s private education. Mostly when their public schools are struggling. “That sounds really tough. I hope your kid isn’t struggling much with it?” I can’t avoid these women. So I shift the focus to the kid and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

I may think you’ve gained weight. Observed it, if you will. Are you uncomfortable if I point it out? It’s not wrong. Maybe it will help you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear your frustration. I was a public school kid who went to a fancy college and at the time, I thought the way these other parents do - it seemed frivolous to spend so much on education.

Two things changed that opinion:

1. I had a roommate who went to Sidwell. My math and science education was on par with anyone’s (and that was my major), but the way she had thought about books and art and history was a result of way deeper thought than I had been exposed to.

2. Now that I have kids in private - it isn’t about getting them into a fancy college, though that obviously would be nice. It’s about challenging them to be best version of themselves and the attention/chance for individualization they get with resources and small class size is what I’m seeking.

I think these parents you are dealing with just don’t understand that and you are lucky to have life circumstances to appreciate those benefits. I think if you focus on this as an “IYKYK” situation, it makes it easier to let the comments slide because they just don’t get what you value. And that’s okay - but explaining it is kind of obnoxious and you should just appreciate what you have.

+1000

We make real sacrifice for private school. But it's not for college (DC is in 2nd grade), it's to make them an intellectually richer person.

That's good because a ton of private school kids (er, I mean, "intellectually richer people") get into colleges that are total shit. I'm glad you still feel you got your money's worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

Because the truth is we aren’t “uncomfortable with the truth” - it’s is that we are hamstrung and cannot break down why our child received a superior education - we have to grin and pretend we agree that “everything’s even now” when it isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

Because the truth is we aren’t “uncomfortable with the truth” - it’s is that we are hamstrung and cannot break down why our child received a superior education - we have to grin and pretend we agree that “everything’s even now” when it isn’t.

Why do you have to grin and pretend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

I may think you’ve gained weight. Observed it, if you will. Are you uncomfortable if I point it out? It’s not wrong. Maybe it will help you?

That's a really bad analogy. OP chose to spend the money to get a certain outcome. Her friend didn't need to spend the money. It's more like if OP had said "I took Ozempic and lost 30 pounds!" and her friend said "I ate sensibly and exercised and lost 30 pounds too!" It's not a slam at OP for using Ozempic...it's just an observation that the friend got there another way. OP clearly feels sensitive about using Ozempic (ie private school) and is reading things into her friend's comment. That's on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

Because the truth is we aren’t “uncomfortable with the truth” - it’s is that we are hamstrung and cannot break down why our child received a superior education - we have to grin and pretend we agree that “everything’s even now” when it isn’t.

The truth to which I am referring is that both children have ended up at the same school. That is the truth. The question is not whether one got a better education. And I frankly wouldn't assume that the child that went to private school will perform better at school. I went to public and my two roommates went to private and I lapped both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

Because the truth is we aren’t “uncomfortable with the truth” - it’s is that we are hamstrung and cannot break down why our child received a superior education - we have to grin and pretend we agree that “everything’s even now” when it isn’t.

Wow that sounds traumatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a "come back"? Do you need a "gotcha" to feel better about your choices?

So the OP should just sit with the insult in the face of rudeness?

It's not really an insult, just an observation. And it's not an incorrect one. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

I may think you’ve gained weight. Observed it, if you will. Are you uncomfortable if I point it out? It’s not wrong. Maybe it will help you?

That's a really bad analogy. OP chose to spend the money to get a certain outcome. Her friend didn't need to spend the money. It's more like if OP had said "I took Ozempic and lost 30 pounds!" and her friend said "I ate sensibly and exercised and lost 30 pounds too!" It's not a slam at OP for using Ozempic...it's just an observation that the friend got there another way. OP clearly feels sensitive about using Ozempic (ie private school) and is reading things into her friend's comment. That's on her.

I will never understand how some people think that the point of 13 years of education is to end up at certain college for four years, and the college you get into is the score at the end.

Seeing the largest part of a kid’s education as it means to an end is just sad.

OP, this is the parents’ cope and there’s nothing you can do about it. Emotionally they have to believe that their little darling could not possibly have missed out on a single thing by going to public school, and therefore that the only measure of success is the name on your college diploma.

All you can do is smile and say, “How wonderful! I’m so so excited for both of them.” Their coping mechanisms are not your problem.