SIL wants us to "babysit" MIL more

[Anonymous]

What SIL really wants is to split those Sundays with her. I think it’s fair. No need to add on anything wxtra/ look for new activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: MIL is 79. All good suggestions. But the hope is that she'll branch out more and do things with other people, not just us. She should not be sitting around bored during the week when there's a ton for retired people to do. She just takes no initiative. I don't think it's fair for her to depend mostly on her kids for her social needs. Plus, I have my own widowed mother.

You’re the reason that those of us with sons dread getting older. There’s no reason why your husband, her SON, can’t alternate Sundays with his sister. That will give you all those Sundays to be with your own mother after all. Also, she doesn’t like your hobbies- she likes hers. She’s almost 80. Where is your grace and compassion?
(If you have sons, may karma come kick your a$$ later in life)

Omg stop it. I have a son too. I hope I’ll never need him to just sit with me on his a** all day. Helping with something is a different matter!

You don't see all the posts with suggestions for activities? Nobody is suggesting OP should just sit on her azz all day. However, there may come a day where you (and OP's MIL) will need someone to just sit with her and be with her. I did that with both my mother and my MIL and I have zero regrets about that time spent.

[Anonymous]

Your husband's sister wants him to do his part. He should

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's incredibly sad that you refer to spending time with your 70+ year-old MIL as "babysitting." I hate the way people just throw away the elderly. Like they are no good for anything. Have a heart, OP. Spend a day with her once or twice a month. Or encourage your dh to do it solo. Cook a meal together, take a drive through a pretty park, listen to an audio book together. There are tons of things you can do if you use your imagination. Who cares if it's not something that is of interest to you, she's an old woman and she's your husbands mother.

THIS. We will all be elderly some day. We should all remember that. You don't have to make them you're whole responsibility but damn. . . . have some compassion, empathy, and love for your parents.

[Anonymous]

Can you visit twice a month? Find an activity - go to a talk at the library, a cooking lesson, etc? It’s 6 hrs - 3 hrs per visit, twice a month, for his mother? Doesn’t seem too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's incredibly sad that you refer to spending time with your 70+ year-old MIL as "babysitting." I hate the way people just throw away the elderly. Like they are no good for anything. Have a heart, OP. Spend a day with her once or twice a month. Or encourage your dh to do it solo. Cook a meal together, take a drive through a pretty park, listen to an audio book together. There are tons of things you can do if you use your imagination. Who cares if it's not something that is of interest to you, she's an old woman and she's your husbands mother.

THIS. We will all be elderly some day. We should all remember that. You don't have to make them you're whole responsibility but damn. . . . have some compassion, empathy, and love for your parents.

Pretty sure OP is the same as the MIL has a gambling problem poster and she clearly doesn’t like her MiL. That’s fine — I really don’t like my MIL. By her spouse should step up and spend time with us is mom and she should have her over to the house once a month or so so grandkids can spend time with MIL. OP can put in earbuds and listen to music while she “makes dinner” and “cleans up” and otherwise does what she’d do with her Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: MIL is 79. All good suggestions. But the hope is that she'll branch out more and do things with other people, not just us. She should not be sitting around bored during the week when there's a ton for retired people to do. She just takes no initiative. I don't think it's fair for her to depend mostly on her kids for her social needs. Plus, I have my own widowed mother.

You’re the reason that those of us with sons dread getting older. There’s no reason why your husband, her SON, can’t alternate Sundays with his sister. That will give you all those Sundays to be with your own mother after all. Also, she doesn’t like your hobbies- she likes hers. She’s almost 80. Where is your grace and compassion?
(If you have sons, may karma come kick your a$$ later in life)

Omg stop it. I have a son too. I hope I’ll never need him to just sit with me on his a** all day. Helping with something is a different matter!

You don't see all the posts with suggestions for activities? Nobody is suggesting OP should just sit on her azz all day. However, there may come a day where you (and OP's MIL) will need someone to just sit with her and be with her. I did that with both my mother and my MIL and I have zero regrets about that time spent.

I sincerely hope to die before I need that!
Or have a friend there for me.
That is, unless my kid WANTS to be there, of which the chances are slim (not because he is bad, but because most young people don’t want to be with most old people).

[Anonymous]

Love that OP is okay “babysitting” her widowed mother. La di da

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's incredibly sad that you refer to spending time with your 70+ year-old MIL as "babysitting." I hate the way people just throw away the elderly. Like they are no good for anything. Have a heart, OP. Spend a day with her once or twice a month. Or encourage your dh to do it solo. Cook a meal together, take a drive through a pretty park, listen to an audio book together. There are tons of things you can do if you use your imagination. Who cares if it's not something that is of interest to you, she's an old woman and she's your husbands mother.

THIS. We will all be elderly some day. We should all remember that. You don't have to make them you're whole responsibility but damn. . . . have some compassion, empathy, and love for your parents.

Pretty sure OP is the same as the MIL has a gambling problem poster and she clearly doesn’t like her MiL. That’s fine — I really don’t like my MIL. By her spouse should step up and spend time with us is mom and she should have her over to the house once a month or so so grandkids can spend time with MIL. OP can put in earbuds and listen to music while she “makes dinner” and “cleans up” and otherwise does what she’d do with her Sunday.

This is my approach. Our kid has dinner with his grandparents twice a month and my husband visits afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Also, yes, I wonder if she's depressed. She takes Tylenol PM every night so she can sleep. I think she has PTSD from finding my FIL dead in the bed. Tonight DH and I talked about the fact that she probably needs counseling.

I can tell you she’ll find a myriad reasons not to go to counseling/take antidepressants. I mean, don’t have high hopes for all this.

NP here. I also think this will happen. My own mom is 78 and recently widowed. I have been trying to get her to take the counseling 'free' offered by the hospice. My dc and I did! She refuses. She doesn't want to do much, although I do try to get her out regularly (I see her daily). I'm 100% certain my dad would not have wanted her to hole up in the house the rest of her life.

I also think OP is getting treated a bit harshly here. She has her own mother to consider, and presumably kids and a job. It's not realistic to expect her to have to give up half of her family's day off to go sit with someone who won't leave the house. I get that SIL is burned out-but SIL needs to consider that maybe she needs to step back for her own health/sanity. If the MIL is safe and healthy, then she can sit in her house if that's all she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Also, yes, I wonder if she's depressed. She takes Tylenol PM every night so she can sleep. I think she has PTSD from finding my FIL dead in the bed. Tonight DH and I talked about the fact that she probably needs counseling.

Yikes. You should probably stop talking. The more you say the worse you sound.

The OP is actually correct, this is likely exactly what is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Also, yes, I wonder if she's depressed. She takes Tylenol PM every night so she can sleep. I think she has PTSD from finding my FIL dead in the bed. Tonight DH and I talked about the fact that she probably needs counseling.

Yikes. You should probably stop talking. The more you say the worse you sound.

The OP is actually correct, this is likely exactly what is happening.

Yes but she has zero compassion or concern for these issues. If you believe this to be trie why would you be put out that your MIL was so boring and didn’t want to hike?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your SIL needs some space from MIL, and SIL has every right to ask DH to do some of the work. It's exhausting being a person's only social interaction 100% of the days. DH needs to take MIL out of the house. Take her to lunch and a bookstore for example, or on an errand, to the doctor, to the grocery store, whatever. SIL needs a break. And DH should remember that he's getting a pretty good deal here and not be a whiny baby about doing the work.

[Anonymous]

And FFS it doesn't matter if you share interests. That's not how this works and it's a very selfish way to approach this. He is her son and he should make time for her even if it's super boring. Wah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Also, yes, I wonder if she's depressed. She takes Tylenol PM every night so she can sleep. I think she has PTSD from finding my FIL dead in the bed. Tonight DH and I talked about the fact that she probably needs counseling.

Yikes. You should probably stop talking. The more you say the worse you sound.

The OP is actually correct, this is likely exactly what is happening.

Yes but she has zero compassion or concern for these issues. If you believe this to be trie why would you be put out that your MIL was so boring and didn’t want to hike?

Because it sounds like op/dh IS trying to get the mil out to do things, and mil refuses. Then SIL is upset that they aren't taking mil out.