My mother's hoarding is going to break me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Same, OP, same. The posters who are suggesting clean outs and periodic sneaky trash removal have no idea what they are dealing with. I have no ideas for you.

What's going to happen is you will do nothing while they're alive (because they will fight you every step of the way) and you will deal with the entire multiple-decade hoard of total crap after they're dead.

BTDT twice.

Estate attorney here. Old clients talk often about planning to give away or throw out most of their stuff in order to make it easier for family members after their death. I always advise them not to do this. They should continue living surrounded by their belongings that give them joy. What difference does it make whether ithe junk removal company will have two haul away one or two truckloads after their death.

What terrible advice. Does this thread sound like joy?

Not the attorney PP but fighting your OCD / hoarder elderly parent is definitely much less joyful than just letting go of your urge to throw their stuff out and enjoying your remaining time with them.

[Anonymous]

OP -I'm in the same position. We children were not allowed access to the home for forty years. Call the fire department and ask for a welfare check. When my mother screamed at them and refused entry, we went to our county's elder abuse hotline. Every city/county/state has one - it might fall under hygiene, elder care, fire department, etc. Almost every county has an association that deals with hoarding and ask how you can access help. In the end, a tragic fall solved our problem. A neighbor called an ambulance and took them both because the non-injured parent had dirt under their nails and holes in their clothes. The ER notified social services. They ordered the house be cleared out down to the floors, fumigated and ok'd by them and the fire department before they were allowed to move back in. It was traumatic for relatives who had to drop everything and suddenly shove the contents of the house into pods, rip out everything and reinstall floors and fixtures in bathroom, kitchen, etc. Expensive, too, because parents had to go to a nursing home for six weeks while all
of the work was done. The hoarding resumed when they moved back in but we try to keep
in under control now that we have access. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Just curious...how were peoples' parents when you were a kid?

Is hoarding something that takes off when people get older, so are they hoarding in their 30s and the kids are 5.

I guess if they have kept telephone bills from the 1970s, they were doing this all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can't do anything, OP, except know that when she dies, it's NOT that hard to clean up.

Both my parents were hoarders (and they were divorced so I've been through this twice). For my dad we got a construction-sized dumpster and filled it 4 times. For my mom, donated furniture to (something like Goodwill).

It's an endless battle to try and get them to clean up. I once spent a whole summer cleaning out my mom's spare condo, and within 3 months it was a junkyard again. But it's easy to wait it out.

But don't stay with her. Panic attacks in this situation might be an unconcious form of control over you. Hoarders often collect people, too.

As someone who is about to be in these shoes, where does one call to rent a dumpster, and does the rental company haul it away once full?

You can legit Google this for your area (not trying to be snarky, but it is pretty easy in most places to rent a dumpster). You will need a place to park it, it comes on the back of a flatbed so that also needs room to maneuver the road to drop it off and then pick it up.

and get a permit for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious...how were peoples' parents when you were a kid?

Is hoarding something that takes off when people get older, so are they hoarding in their 30s and the kids are 5.

I guess if they have kept telephone bills from the 1970s, they were doing this all along.

People can be pack rats, esp if they have a large house, and it doesn’t cause a problem. But over time it can get worse. Or a stress trigger can develop… maybe a spouse or parent dies, and the fall into full blown hoarding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Same, OP, same. The posters who are suggesting clean outs and periodic sneaky trash removal have no idea what they are dealing with. I have no ideas for you.

What's going to happen is you will do nothing while they're alive (because they will fight you every step of the way) and you will deal with the entire multiple-decade hoard of total crap after they're dead.

BTDT twice.

Estate attorney here. Old clients talk often about planning to give away or throw out most of their stuff in order to make it easier for family members after their death. I always advise them not to do this. They should continue living surrounded by their belongings that give them joy. What difference does it make whether ithe junk removal company will have two haul away one or two truckloads after their death.

What? People tell you they want to declutter and you tell them not to? That’s awful advice. Are you a hoarder yourself?