My mother's hoarding is going to break me

[Anonymous]

Start throwing it out now.

[Anonymous]

Mine have a more reasonable "hoarding" as in they are frugal and want things to go to a good home. The box of pens-- oh I'll drop these off at the aftercare and they will all get used. Then, dumpster.

[Anonymous]

To deal with old sensitive bank statements and the like....

DC has basically moved it's free shredding to only once or twice a year.

Trueshred in VA does community shred events for $10 per bankers box: https://www.trueshred.com/calendar/

proshred does not state the fees for their drop-off shredding in baltimore: https://www.proshred.com/washington-dc/drop-off-shredding/

eco-shred advertises monthly shred events for $10 per car, for up to 10 boxes: https://www.ecoshredllc.com/shred-events/

in all cases I'd advise calling to find out actual current availability. The UPS store also accepts paper for shredding at an unspecified price per pound.

[Anonymous]

She probably doesn't remember half the crap she has, so just throw it away little by little.

[Anonymous]

Is there anytime she's out of the house? Throw out a few boxes, at a time, then.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would start sneaking out boxes that I know she'll never miss. Or, if she'll miss the boxes, take a trash bag and remove some items from the boxes and toss them out. Take out one bag per week, or more if you can get away with it.

[Anonymous]

Would she even notice if the boxes became empty? Just toss a few things out every day.

[Anonymous]

I would see if her doctor would find some anxiety meds for her, and maybe some treatment/ therapy.

And then start taking the absolute trash out but by but without telling her.

[Anonymous]

I am a child of a hoarder (who has been hoarding my entire life, my mother did not only get started when she was older). Replied on here demonstrate how naive people are about hoarding and howl little information is out there to help. I wish I had better news.

OP, don’t let this break you but at the same time please try to accept that your mother most likely will not change. By all means, see if anti-anxiety or SSRI can help and I hope that it does. But it won’t be that simple.

My mother has chosen literal trash over me and my children. And she also hoards furniture and random estate sale crap. The smell is awful. The dust is awful. There are mice all over. The walls are stained everywhere from who knows what (as if she smoked). My children, who are teens, have never been inside. I was in there 3 years ago for about 5 min.

I would be straight up honest with her. Tell her exactly what you wrote here: it is breaking you, you don’t want to deal with this mess when she dies and maybe try if she loved you this would be such a great gift to let you clean it. But in all likelihood the illness rules and she says no. I’m sorry.

I also would not be staying in a hoarded house. Tell her no. She won’t like it, people who are used to getting their way don’t like when others hold boundaries. Do it.

[Anonymous]

My high school math teacher who I adored and who was a good friend of my mother's became an awful hoarder in retirement and died when she tripped in her house and couldn't get up. She was found several days later. They literally had to cut into the side of the house to make an exit, her place was so filled with junk.

[Anonymous]

Wow, what causes hoarding? Is this a symptom of or associated with dementia?

[Anonymous]

you can't do anything, OP, except know that when she dies, it's NOT that hard to clean up.

Both my parents were hoarders (and they were divorced so I've been through this twice). For my dad we got a construction-sized dumpster and filled it 4 times. For my mom, donated furniture to (something like Goodwill).

It's an endless battle to try and get them to clean up. I once spent a whole summer cleaning out my mom's spare condo, and within 3 months it was a junkyard again. But it's easy to wait it out.

But don't stay with her. Panic attacks in this situation might be an unconcious form of control over you. Hoarders often collect people, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just start getting rid of boxes. Slowly. Take one out once a week, drop it into a dumpster and feign ignorance. Never own up to removing them. Seriously.

Agree, just get rid of it when she’s not looking. She will never notice

And even if she does notice just say you don't know where whatever she is looking for is. Just tell her she must have moved it or what she's looking for is buried.

That’s cruel. You are a family member and should be trustworthy, not manipulative.

[Anonymous]

You really don't have to stay over in a hoarder room. I would tell her that and start getting a hotel.

Look around at all the stuff, then close your eyes and say to yourself "I will hire a service to remove this stuff as soon as she passes away." Because thats going to be a million times easier than fighting with her about it while she's alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just start getting rid of boxes. Slowly. Take one out once a week, drop it into a dumpster and feign ignorance. Never own up to removing them. Seriously.

Agree, just get rid of it when she’s not looking. She will never notice

And even if she does notice just say you don't know where whatever she is looking for is. Just tell her she must have moved it or what she's looking for is buried.

That’s cruel. You are a family member and should be trustworthy, not manipulative.

NP here. This response shows you have zero experience with hoarders (and for that you should be grateful).