Why Are College Applications So Secretive Among Private School Parents/Students But Not Among Public School Families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school counselors have their hand in their students’ applications. Many are applying ED and counselors help identify these students while discouraging others. They ask students not to talk!

Public school counselors have no such role. Everyone is for themselves. Kids share information freely - but too much IMO. It can be competitive and toxic, and better when info is kept private.

Is this true? DH thinks this is the case but I was arguing not. Are the counselors really trying to steer students towards or away from various school? If so, why? What’s the harm in all students just applying where they want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is secretive but I'm not entirely sure why.

It's not like any kid is going to decide to ED to Duke (random example) because they find out a classmate/friend is Ed'ing to Duke.

If anything, knowing where others are applying will dissuade kids from applying.

I don't know....if my kid wanted to ED to Duke and they had a classmate legacy doing the same - I'd tell my kid you might want to consider elsewhere.

You're agreeing with my point and I would advise my kid the same. So why are we all so secretive? It would actually help everyone if they had a better understanding of the landscape of the class and I really don't think anyone is going to ED a school just because a classmate is. "Oh, my friend is EDing Rice. I really liked Duke but now I'm going to ED Rice too!"

My kid is at a school where some kids talk and some kids are secretive. It’s much better for the kids who have a policy of not sharing. It protects you emotionally, it guards your interests, and shuts down nosey questions. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s actually good guidance when applying to selective colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in his senior year at GDS and the college application process here is very intense. People get very uncomfortable and offended if you ask where their kid is thinking of applying. Students tend to not want to share this information with each other.

My neighbor's children all go to Jackson-Reed and all the kids openly share where they are applying, their struggles on the SAT and often laugh about it together. There seems to be far less competition and anxiety over the college process at JRHS than at GDS and other top private schools.

I also notice many Jackson-Reed families have no issue saying "yeah, my kid got rejected by all their top choices but will be attending Penn State and is excited about it." Families at GDS would be mortified to say anything like that.

I wanted to know why do students from each of these environments have such disparate approaches to college applications?

your sample size is one public school, and only the select few families you talk to. you are very ignorant. aren't you going to be mortified when a local public school grad gets into yale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in his senior year at GDS and the college application process here is very intense. People get very uncomfortable and offended if you ask where their kid is thinking of applying. Students tend to not want to share this information with each other.

My neighbor's children all go to Jackson-Reed and all the kids openly share where they are applying, their struggles on the SAT and often laugh about it together. There seems to be far less competition and anxiety over the college process at JRHS than at GDS and other top private schools.

I also notice many Jackson-Reed families have no issue saying "yeah, my kid got rejected by all their top choices but will be attending Penn State and is excited about it." Families at GDS would be mortified to say anything like that.

I wanted to know why do students from each of these environments have such disparate approaches to college applications?

your sample size is one public school, and only the select few families you talk to. you are very ignorant. aren't you going to be mortified when a local public school grad gets into yale.

Plenty of local public school grads get into Yale every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in his senior year at GDS and the college application process here is very intense. People get very uncomfortable and offended if you ask where their kid is thinking of applying. Students tend to not want to share this information with each other.

My neighbor's children all go to Jackson-Reed and all the kids openly share where they are applying, their struggles on the SAT and often laugh about it together. There seems to be far less competition and anxiety over the college process at JRHS than at GDS and other top private schools.

I also notice many Jackson-Reed families have no issue saying "yeah, my kid got rejected by all their top choices but will be attending Penn State and is excited about it." Families at GDS would be mortified to say anything like that.

I wanted to know why do students from each of these environments have such disparate approaches to college applications?

Because some of us experienced what this process was like on a smaller scale when applying for upper-schools post elementary. Which felt very much like college to me. Everyone gossiping about who applied where, who has a friend on the board at what private to give them a boost in acceptance, who hates your first choice school, who used the super special entrance exam tutor, who did or didn’t prep for the entrance exams and interviews, who got waitlisted everywhere come the March acceptance date…

We’ve seen how all this went on a smaller scale before and our family chose to stay out of the fray of gossip, handwringing, and judgement and chose to just focus on our kid and their process. Which is what we are doing for the college process. It’s more to preserve our mental health than it is to be secretive, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in his senior year at GDS and the college application process here is very intense. People get very uncomfortable and offended if you ask where their kid is thinking of applying. Students tend to not want to share this information with each other.

My neighbor's children all go to Jackson-Reed and all the kids openly share where they are applying, their struggles on the SAT and often laugh about it together. There seems to be far less competition and anxiety over the college process at JRHS than at GDS and other top private schools.

I also notice many Jackson-Reed families have no issue saying "yeah, my kid got rejected by all their top choices but will be attending Penn State and is excited about it." Families at GDS would be mortified to say anything like that.

I wanted to know why do students from each of these environments have such disparate approaches to college applications?

your sample size is one public school, and only the select few families you talk to. you are very ignorant. aren't you going to be mortified when a local public school grad gets into yale.

Plenty of local public school grads get into Yale every year.

Why do you say that as if it's surprising? There are nine times as many public school students as private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in his senior year at GDS and the college application process here is very intense. People get very uncomfortable and offended if you ask where their kid is thinking of applying. Students tend to not want to share this information with each other.

My neighbor's children all go to Jackson-Reed and all the kids openly share where they are applying, their struggles on the SAT and often laugh about it together. There seems to be far less competition and anxiety over the college process at JRHS than at GDS and other top private schools.

I also notice many Jackson-Reed families have no issue saying "yeah, my kid got rejected by all their top choices but will be attending Penn State and is excited about it." Families at GDS would be mortified to say anything like that.

I wanted to know why do students from each of these environments have such disparate approaches to college applications?

Because some of us experienced what this process was like on a smaller scale when applying for upper-schools post elementary. Which felt very much like college to me. Everyone gossiping about who applied where, who has a friend on the board at what private to give them a boost in acceptance, who hates your first choice school, who used the super special entrance exam tutor, who did or didn’t prep for the entrance exams and interviews, who got waitlisted everywhere come the March acceptance date…

We’ve seen how all this went on a smaller scale before and our family chose to stay out of the fray of gossip, handwringing, and judgement and chose to just focus on our kid and their process. Which is what we are doing for the college process. It’s more to preserve our mental health than it is to be secretive, OP.

+1 We don’t talk a lot about college applications and process because we remember the HS application process and those conversations with other parents being really uncomfortable and unpleasant. We aren’t secretive about where DD is applying, we ask general questions of others how they are holding up, and, when kids or parents do offer information, our response is neutral or positive. Our school is small so there are quite a few girls applying to the same/similar colleges and I don’t want to feed other families need to cast odds on my kid vs their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school counselors have their hand in their students’ applications. Many are applying ED and counselors help identify these students while discouraging others. They ask students not to talk!

Is this true? DH thinks this is the case but I was arguing not. Are the counselors really trying to steer students towards or away from various school? If so, why? What’s the harm in all students just applying where they want?

IME, this is true. The counselors are trying to get every kid in somewhere, and they have the intel re: where everyone is applying. You can take their advice to apply elsewhere or roll the dice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school counselors have their hand in their students’ applications. Many are applying ED and counselors help identify these students while discouraging others. They ask students not to talk!

Is this true? DH thinks this is the case but I was arguing not. Are the counselors really trying to steer students towards or away from various school? If so, why? What’s the harm in all students just applying where they want?

IME, this is true. The counselors are trying to get every kid in somewhere, and they have the intel re: where everyone is applying. You can take their advice to apply elsewhere or roll the dice.

While college counselors don’t determine outcomes or have a ton of power when it comes to influencing a college admission, they absolutely try to architect who applies where. Friend of family’s kid got stuck in this mess when kid wanted to apply to a school that college counselors pushed them in another direction bc they had other kids they felt were higher odds at that school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school counselors have their hand in their students’ applications. Many are applying ED and counselors help identify these students while discouraging others. They ask students not to talk!

Public school counselors have no such role. Everyone is for themselves. Kids share information freely - but too much IMO. It can be competitive and toxic, and better when info is kept private.

Is this true? DH thinks this is the case but I was arguing not. Are the counselors really trying to steer students towards or away from various school? If so, why? What’s the harm in all students just applying where they want?

The CC's at our kids school definitely did not steer, and I wish they had a little. IOW, the "duke" example up thread. If the CC's know there are 10 kids applying to school A and 5 of them are legacies and my kid is #11, don't encourage my kid to apply to school A when they expressed school B to be just as much desired in the ED process. Or at least be honest, "Larla, you expressed interest in schools A and B for Ed, just so you know, you have a lot of classmates looking at A and some of them are legacies, and your chances might be a little better at B, but it is still your choice."

[Anonymous]

Agree that some CCs steer more than others/-for better or worse. This is one of those where you need to get a feel of the counselors by talking to current/recent families about their experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school counselors have their hand in their students’ applications. Many are applying ED and counselors help identify these students while discouraging others. They ask students not to talk!

Is this true? DH thinks this is the case but I was arguing not. Are the counselors really trying to steer students towards or away from various school? If so, why? What’s the harm in all students just applying where they want?

IME, this is true. The counselors are trying to get every kid in somewhere, and they have the intel re: where everyone is applying. You can take their advice to apply elsewhere or roll the dice.

While college counselors don’t determine outcomes or have a ton of power when it comes to influencing a college admission, they absolutely try to architect who applies where. Friend of family’s kid got stuck in this mess when kid wanted to apply to a school that college counselors pushed them in another direction bc they had other kids they felt were higher odds at that school.

It seems like our kid’s counselor is doing this. Kid is a very strong candidate most interested in a specific mid-range school, not a reach. Counselor keeps trying to steer kid away from that school and towards other schools, also not reaches. Who does that help?

[Anonymous]

I have one at public and one at private. There are kids at both who talk about where they are applying and kids who are private about it. I don’t think you can categorize so clearly that public school families talk more. I never tell people who ask where my kids are applying. It’s none of anyone’s business. I’ll tell people who I want to tell and usually people who come out and ask are not people I want to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school counselors have their hand in their students’ applications. Many are applying ED and counselors help identify these students while discouraging others. They ask students not to talk!

Public school counselors have no such role. Everyone is for themselves. Kids share information freely - but too much IMO. It can be competitive and toxic, and better when info is kept private.

Is this true? DH thinks this is the case but I was arguing not. Are the counselors really trying to steer students towards or away from various school? If so, why? What’s the harm in all students just applying where they want?

Considering my kid will not be applying ED anywhere, I hope it is true. Her first choice doesn't offer ED, and in order to apply early, you cannot apply ED anywhere. So if others go ED, it will eliminate early applications to her first choice school, where it is advised to apply early for better chance of admission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schools like GDS are filled with competitive and ambitious kids that are mostly aiming for T10 schools. Over their 4 years of high school, most will realize they don't have the grades or accomplishments to land them a spot at one of those schools. This can trigger feelings of shame, anxiety, or embarrassment.

Public school kids, however, are mostly not trying to get into a top college and their peers will not judge them for their rejections. At JRHS, there's no shame in ending up at Clemson, Alabama, or Tulane.

When did Tulane become a plan B? Aren't they really competitive?

Tulane’s admission rate for 2024 was 13%, Alabama’s was 75%, Clemson 43%. Yes, Tulane is still competitive!