Why Are College Applications So Secretive Among Private School Parents/Students But Not Among Public School Families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in his senior year at GDS and the college application process here is very intense. People get very uncomfortable and offended if you ask where their kid is thinking of applying. Students tend to not want to share this information with each other.

My neighbor's children all go to Jackson-Reed and all the kids openly share where they are applying, their struggles on the SAT and often laugh about it together. There seems to be far less competition and anxiety over the college process at JRHS than at GDS and other top private schools.

I also notice many Jackson-Reed families have no issue saying "yeah, my kid got rejected by all their top choices but will be attending Penn State and is excited about it." Families at GDS would be mortified to say anything like that.

I wanted to know why do students from each of these environments have such disparate approaches to college applications?

Frankly, it's no one else's business. Focus on your kid.

This is OP. I know it's not my business. I didn't need you to tell me this. I am asking about why are the cultures different between school types.

This type of poster is honestly the worst. I suspect it's one of the loser teens who haunt this board to scratch some weird itch and amplify the false narrative that there is some clear, binary cultural difference between private and public schools. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it has anything to do with embarrassment about where students are ending up. It's not like that ends up being a secret. My DD went to NCS. She had a small class of approximately 70 girls and, obviously, everyone (students and many parents) knew everyone. If/when students or parents talked about college applications, it pretty quickly became something the rest of the class knew about. Not everyone wanted their classmates following along as decisions came out. For my DD, it was easier to process deferrals, rejections, and acceptances privately. As parents, we simply followed her lead as it was her information to share or not share. At the end of the day of course, everyone knew where everyone else was going because it's a tiny group of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:false narrative that there is some clear, binary cultural difference between private and public schools

I know, anyone who actually thinks that (or that private and public schools are monoliths) is quite naive and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it has anything to do with embarrassment about where students are ending up. It's not like that ends up being a secret. My DD went to NCS. She had a small class of approximately 70 girls and, obviously, everyone (students and many parents) knew everyone. If/when students or parents talked about college applications, it pretty quickly became something the rest of the class knew about. Not everyone wanted their classmates following along as decisions came out. For my DD, it was easier to process deferrals, rejections, and acceptances privately. As parents, we simply followed her lead as it was her information to share or not share. At the end of the day of course, everyone knew where everyone else was going because it's a tiny group of kids.

This was case for my friend's DCPS kid as well. She felt it was his information to share, so if he shared great, but she didn't otherwise discuss where he was applying. This approach makes sense to me. It's not about where the kids end up, but rather about how publicly they want to share rejections in such a competitive process. I wouldn't want to share that either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is secretive but I'm not entirely sure why.

It's not like any kid is going to decide to ED to Duke (random example) because they find out a classmate/friend is Ed'ing to Duke.

If anything, knowing where others are applying will dissuade kids from applying.

I don't know....if my kid wanted to ED to Duke and they had a classmate legacy doing the same - I'd tell my kid you might want to consider elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is secretive but I'm not entirely sure why.

It's not like any kid is going to decide to ED to Duke (random example) because they find out a classmate/friend is Ed'ing to Duke.

If anything, knowing where others are applying will dissuade kids from applying.

I don't know....if my kid wanted to ED to Duke and they had a classmate legacy doing the same - I'd tell my kid you might want to consider elsewhere.

You're agreeing with my point and I would advise my kid the same. So why are we all so secretive? It would actually help everyone if they had a better understanding of the landscape of the class and I really don't think anyone is going to ED a school just because a classmate is. "Oh, my friend is EDing Rice. I really liked Duke but now I'm going to ED Rice too!"

[Anonymous]

You are trying to support your own biased hypothesis OP. Most people at public or private want the best for their own kid and don't want to talk about it with nosy neighbors. The college application process is stressful.

[Anonymous]

Agree w/ PP- we are at a private (Catholic HS),. I don’t ask or talk about it b/c it is stressful and really none of my business where kids are applying or where they get in. I will keep it private until most kids have a few options in place.
Most senior parents at our HS don’t ask beyond how it is going with the application/ visits. I get a lot of questions from parents with kids 9-11th. They are just trying to get informed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is secretive but I'm not entirely sure why.

It's not like any kid is going to decide to ED to Duke (random example) because they find out a classmate/friend is Ed'ing to Duke.

If anything, knowing where others are applying will dissuade kids from applying.

I don't know....if my kid wanted to ED to Duke and they had a classmate legacy doing the same - I'd tell my kid you might want to consider elsewhere.

You're agreeing with my point and I would advise my kid the same. So why are we all so secretive? It would actually help everyone if they had a better understanding of the landscape of the class and I really don't think anyone is going to ED a school just because a classmate is. "Oh, my friend is EDing Rice. I really liked Duke but now I'm going to ED Rice too!"

You realize that this kind of logic leads to type A or Machiavellian parents/students engaging in game theory-like behaviors, like incentivizing them to lie about where they're EDing or otherwise misrepresenting their intentions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is secretive but I'm not entirely sure why.

It's not like any kid is going to decide to ED to Duke (random example) because they find out a classmate/friend is Ed'ing to Duke.

If anything, knowing where others are applying will dissuade kids from applying.

I don't know....if my kid wanted to ED to Duke and they had a classmate legacy doing the same - I'd tell my kid you might want to consider elsewhere.

You're agreeing with my point and I would advise my kid the same. So why are we all so secretive? It would actually help everyone if they had a better understanding of the landscape of the class and I really don't think anyone is going to ED a school just because a classmate is. "Oh, my friend is EDing Rice. I really liked Duke but now I'm going to ED Rice too!"

You realize that this kind of logic leads to type A or Machiavellian parents/students engaging in game theory-like behaviors, like incentivizing them to lie about where they're EDing or otherwise misrepresenting their intentions?

yep, and this a shame. People around here are nuts.

my daughter attended a in-school college rep visit yesterday and her friend make a big deal of saying (after also attending the visit): "oh, that old school. I've really never given it a thought before today. I mean, I know nothing about it and I don't care about it." And my daughter knows this kid visited the school this summer and is likely EDing the school. Lol There are parents feeding their kids some weird behaviors.

[Anonymous]

And let's not pretend like this type of behavior is a new phenomenon. It was commonplace at my MCPS school in the 1990s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is secretive but I'm not entirely sure why.

It's not like any kid is going to decide to ED to Duke (random example) because they find out a classmate/friend is Ed'ing to Duke.

If anything, knowing where others are applying will dissuade kids from applying.

I don't know....if my kid wanted to ED to Duke and they had a classmate legacy doing the same - I'd tell my kid you might want to consider elsewhere.

You're agreeing with my point and I would advise my kid the same. So why are we all so secretive? It would actually help everyone if they had a better understanding of the landscape of the class and I really don't think anyone is going to ED a school just because a classmate is. "Oh, my friend is EDing Rice. I really liked Duke but now I'm going to ED Rice too!"

I see now that we agree on that.

I think there might some other schools that would be a different story....hoping you don't turn someone onto the SLAC that you like.

I think some people take a big picture approach if this process is stressful for them - because.....while the info on the front end can be useful....it can also be painful in an uber competitive environment on the backend. If everyone knows where you applied they also know where you were rejected. (Versus - if full list kept to oneself, they only know where you tell them you were accepted). This exists among any group of competitive students....whether that be private or public.

I just think public students are exposed to a wider variety. Sure, there are the groups that are just as competitive as the private schools....but there may also be some very high achievers at their school that can't afford to go to T10-T25, or close friends outside of class that are not in this academic group. Public school can maybe provide some perspective. But every school is different and I know parents/kids at MoCo "W" schools who are just as secretive as my private school experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it has anything to do with embarrassment about where students are ending up. It's not like that ends up being a secret. My DD went to NCS. She had a small class of approximately 70 girls and, obviously, everyone (students and many parents) knew everyone. If/when students or parents talked about college applications, it pretty quickly became something the rest of the class knew about. Not everyone wanted their classmates following along as decisions came out. For my DD, it was easier to process deferrals, rejections, and acceptances privately. As parents, we simply followed her lead as it was her information to share or not share. At the end of the day of course, everyone knew where everyone else was going because it's a tiny group of kids.

This is a good explanation as to why for many it is best or preferred to keep it private.

As to the differences between public and privates there are many differences - I would say one major one would be 500 kids plus in a grade versus 70-80. It feels different and less kids applying to same schools as their "dream school."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools like GDS are filled with competitive and ambitious kids that are mostly aiming for T10 schools. Over their 4 years of high school, most will realize they don't have the grades or accomplishments to land them a spot at one of those schools. This can trigger feelings of shame, anxiety, or embarrassment.

Public school kids, however, are mostly not trying to get into a top college and their peers will not judge them for their rejections. At JRHS, there's no shame in ending up at Clemson, Alabama, or Tulane.

When did Tulane become a plan B? Aren't they really competitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they just paid $500,000 and their kid is only going to Penn state. They might as well have saved the money and gone public school.

But are they going to Penn state for free? Did they get a scholarship? Did they get into a rather hard program?

I'm new to private, but would be equally thrilled if DS ended up there or any top school. Now, if he only gets into Penn state without a scholarship, I'll be a little miffed, but no where near pissed or embarrassed. I think his education extends beyond college outcomes, I think it will set him up for success long term with the soft skills they focus on. Now- If he ends up as a failure to thrive kid, can't get a job, lives in my basement at 25- then yes, I'll be livid- but at DS and myself, not the school.