
Well, he insists that the beer helps him sleep. I've found empty beer in the trunk of his car as well as bottles in his glove box. I also have found receipts to bars that were for times he was supposedly at work or on his way home. It makes me very sad. Anytime I bring it up he just tells me I am complaining and nagging. He can go days w/out drinking but there are few and far between. |
Start here OP.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Find out what you can do to protect yourself and what might help to shield your kids. If you work, don't stop, if you SAH I'd think about transitioning back into the workforce to have options. His drinking is likely to get far worse before it gets better. It has a genetic and a behavioral component and I'm not surprised that he comes from a family of drinkers. Bet you are wishing you recognized the red flags, but a lot of people ARE able to cut back on heavy social drinking as they age or as responsibilities increase. He doesn't want to and sadly you can't change that. You can educate yourself about the price you and your kids pay and decide what choices you want to make. |
That's a lot for one night. I often, but don't always, have a glass of wine after my daughter's in bed. Occasionally I have two, particularly if it's a weekend night or I have an easy day the next day. (though if I do that on a school night, I'll generally get a hangover that will make me think twice the next time.) I like wine, but if something were to happen and my daughter needed to go to the hospital or something, I wouldn't want to drive her while impaired.
That said, if I go out with friends and I'm not driving - especially if I don't have my daughter that weekend (if she's with her dad or grandparents) - I will drink more than two. |
We don't drink except for the occasional wedding or social function. Even then it is only a drink or two. So maybe like 4 or 5 drinks a year?
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I'll have a glass of wine or an alcoholic drink 3-4 nights each week. Occassionally I'll have a second glass, but not typically. If we go out, which isn't often, I'll usually have two drinks. DH has one 1-2 drinks most nights of the week. |
OP, you need to take some concrete steps to protect yourself. You have discovered that your husband is an alchoholic. He is drinking and driving and his drinking may be putting his job at risk. You need to protect financial assets as his action could create legal liability. Do you work? Do you have more than 1 car? You and any kids should not get in a car with him. OP, you need to take this seriously, it's going to get worse. You posted a very indirect question, 90% of the responses have had no bearing on your situation. Being sad sounds like you may already be slipping into codependency and depression. Call a lawyer and get their advice re: joint assets. Get a job if you don't have one since drinking during work hours may cause him to lose his. You can't change his actions but your kids have no one to protect them but you. AlAnon is a great idea too. |
I drink a glass of wine most nights, maybe 5 nights a week? Sometimes I'll have another half after that.
DH has a beer with dinner most nights too, usually when I have wine he has beer. I have alcoholism in my family so I'm super hyper aware of how much I drink. Probably unnecessary because my personality is much different than those affected in my family but if I feel like I've been having more nights where I drink more than a glass I back off for a bit. |
We like to have a drink or two each when we go out to dinner, but we don't drink very often at home. My husband likes to have a beer while he grills, and sometimes he has one if he's watching a game. If we have company over, I'll open a bottle of wine, but since I'm the only wine drinker in our house I don't bother if it's just me. |
Interesting. The alcohol probably helps him fall asleep initialyl, but people who fall asleep intoxicated generally are not getting good quality sleep. There are other ways to increase the amount and quality of sleep - winding down before bed, getting a good amount of exercise during the day, etc. I hope you and your DH can figure this out and find ways to be healthy. |
Well, he insists that the beer helps him sleep. I've found empty beer in the trunk of his car as well as bottles in his glove box. I also have found receipts to bars that were for times he was supposedly at work or on his way home. It makes me very sad. Anytime I bring it up he just tells me I am complaining and nagging.
Oh, my dear. He isn't exactly hiding it, but he isn't being direct either. Trying to cover up or hide the bottles is a sign that he knows he shouldn't be drinking and is a sign of alcoholism. Please educate yourself. Al-anon has different groups and you need to find one in which you feel comfortable. It akes a while and then you need to try to go a few times. Other posters are right - in that you need to begin to have options. You need to feel differently about the situation and how to cope with it and Al-anon will help with that. Peace and GL! |
OP, what do you expect him to say - that he can't get through the day without drinking? Unlikely to say the least. You have so much at stake here, get some information and support and start working through your options. If there is a way to document I'd do it - pictures, receipts, whatever. If you do divorce at some point, you want to have his alcoholism factored into any visitation. Al Anon has meetings all the time - if you WOH maybe you could go to one at lunch this week. The drinking and driving is so serious, he could kill himself or some innocent or you or the kids. Denial is not a viable strategy here, OP. |
For those who consume one or two glasses of wine, please do not forget that the size of the wine glass is usually larger then what is considered one serving. Restaurants tend to over pour as well, because, I believe it is 4 oz glass of wine, doesn't sit well with our super size American mentality. |
I also have a husband that probably averages a 6 pack a night and in all honesty, sometime more and many times less. Do I want and encourage (sometimes positvely and sometimes negatively) that I want better for him and us- absolutely. Does he have some many other redeeming qualities...heck yes! I believe there are a lot more people out there doing that as well and I don't think the feedback has been balanced. It's embarrasing- probably more so than debt, etc. and many more may be in a state of denial. Good luck to all! |
PP, have you found hidden empties in a car? That is a big step up from drinking heavily while at home. What more balanced feedback would you provide? If OP's DH is hitting the bars during work hours or on his way home, are you comfortable being on his route home? What do you think that OP should be focusing on in this situation, not trying to be snarky, but sounds like your sitch is in the same ballpark, just not quite as bad and the advice you gave is not clear? Maybe I am misreading. |
No, worries- I think we are all just trying to help. No, he does keep it at home for which I am extremely thankful. I believe that as parents, in particular, but certainly everyone in general, can not support/condone someone that we know to be drinking and driving. Is there family or friends that can also talk to him or have expressed concern so that it is not just the OP? It's looking like this is going down the intervention/ needs other professional and/or 12 step program route. Sorry if I have missed that or other parts of the discussion. I doubt that anyone really wants to be drinking that much and in fact, needs help. |