Coaches, do you stonewall parents on level discussions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out as B level trolling. This is D level. I hope this isn't the original OP

Not a troll, very seriously exploring my options. Looking for advice from been there done that parents and back end insight from coaches.

Last word from me on this.
I am now 99% sure this is trolling but...

You have gotten pretty consistent advice from parents and coaches: gather your things and move on because your kid has no future at the current organization. The best you can do at this point is learn some life lessons. If you the both of you do learn a life lesson, then this will be the best thing that happens to your daughter this year, maybe her life.
Your kid simply isn't good enough to overcome the effect you have had on the coaches.
Go find another organization that hasn't heard of you and try to be a better parent.
You may have to move to a different country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out as B level trolling. This is D level. I hope this isn't the original OP

Not a troll, very seriously exploring my options. Looking for advice from been there done that parents and back end insight from coaches.

The been there done that parents are responding. You should be looking at a new team - like now. If your level of action on this board is any indication what you are doing in real life. Well, I can imagine what you are doing at practices and games (filming practices and games and other plays and evaluating them under your biases).

If you don't think coaches are determining what they are going to do with your kid at next year's tryouts based on your actions, I think you and your DD are going to be in for a rude awakening. They already know you are a headache to deal with so don't be surprised when your kid doesn't make any team at all next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

This thread was crazy at the start, but this comment...Litigated? Have you lost your mind? Sorry that your kid is upset and that you are so out of touch with reality that you think you can argue her way onto another team--a team that the people who are experts in the sport feel that she is not a good fit for, but you need to get a grip and start focusing on what's actually best for your kid: moving on and learning to accept disappointment. If they want to come back and try out for the team that their friends are on, they need to do some training on their own and EARN that. But, in all honesty, if I was the coach, I don't think I'd consider your kid for another tryout unless I found out you'd been committed to a mental ward or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here—agree that you could ask “what does Larla need to do to improve” but now that you’ve already gone the “not taking no for an answer route” the coach understands you are not someone who will hear them. Also, I have had many of those growth needed convos with players and convos with players + parents and more often than not when the parent is involved in the conversation it means they are driving the improvement plan, not the player. The result is rarely as solid as when a player asks me directly and then seeks out additional training or puts in the work on their own accord. The kids that motivate themselves to get better are the kids who are more likely to find success at the higher levels of play because THEY care about growth, not their parents.

+100

I have 3 kids and ALL three know perfectly well in these scenarios the reason why they they aren’t getting much playing time or why they are on “B” team and not “A” or JV vs varsity etc. And they can explain that to me themselves.

Also coaches often are looking out for their player’s best interests/development even if the parent doesn’t see things the same way.

One of my sons plays on the “B” baseball team rather than “A”- he was disappointed but knew exactly the reasons why. His club coaches actually call and explain to parents after tryouts (which is awesome) their reasoning. They told us word for word what our own DS had told us himself (hits well enough to be on the A team but his pitching and defensive skills at his primary position are not good enough to beat out players on the A team). Better to be on the B team and get tons of playing time vs sitting on the bench on A. Also consider what you are asking of coaches, here. I suppose if a parent complains enough maybe some coaches will appease them- but at what cost? It will just end up with your kid sitting on the bench and making yourself the “problem” parent. How is that better for your kid?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here—agree that you could ask “what does Larla need to do to improve” but now that you’ve already gone the “not taking no for an answer route” the coach understands you are not someone who will hear them. Also, I have had many of those growth needed convos with players and convos with players + parents and more often than not when the parent is involved in the conversation it means they are driving the improvement plan, not the player. The result is rarely as solid as when a player asks me directly and then seeks out additional training or puts in the work on their own accord. The kids that motivate themselves to get better are the kids who are more likely to find success at the higher levels of play because THEY care about growth, not their parents.

+100

I have 3 kids and ALL three know perfectly well in these scenarios the reason why they they aren’t getting much playing time or why they are on “B” team and not “A” or JV vs varsity etc. And they can explain that to me themselves.

Also coaches often are looking out for their player’s best interests/development even if the parent doesn’t see things the same way.

One of my sons plays on the “B” baseball team rather than “A”- he was disappointed but knew exactly the reasons why. His club coaches actually call and explain to parents after tryouts (which is awesome) their reasoning. They told us word for word what our own DS had told us himself (hits well enough to be on the A team but his pitching and defensive skills at his primary position are not good enough to beat out players on the A team). Better to be on the B team and get tons of playing time vs sitting on the bench on A. Also consider what you are asking of coaches, here. I suppose if a parent complains enough maybe some coaches will appease them- but at what cost? It will just end up with your kid sitting on the bench and making yourself the “problem” parent. How is that better for your kid?!

Well shoot, once they're on the team I can badger them into giving my kid more play time.
If it worked once, why wouldn't it work again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here—agree that you could ask “what does Larla need to do to improve” but now that you’ve already gone the “not taking no for an answer route” the coach understands you are not someone who will hear them. Also, I have had many of those growth needed convos with players and convos with players + parents and more often than not when the parent is involved in the conversation it means they are driving the improvement plan, not the player. The result is rarely as solid as when a player asks me directly and then seeks out additional training or puts in the work on their own accord. The kids that motivate themselves to get better are the kids who are more likely to find success at the higher levels of play because THEY care about growth, not their parents.

+100

I have 3 kids and ALL three know perfectly well in these scenarios the reason why they they aren’t getting much playing time or why they are on “B” team and not “A” or JV vs varsity etc. And they can explain that to me themselves.

Also coaches often are looking out for their player’s best interests/development even if the parent doesn’t see things the same way.

One of my sons plays on the “B” baseball team rather than “A”- he was disappointed but knew exactly the reasons why. His club coaches actually call and explain to parents after tryouts (which is awesome) their reasoning. They told us word for word what our own DS had told us himself (hits well enough to be on the A team but his pitching and defensive skills at his primary position are not good enough to beat out players on the A team). Better to be on the B team and get tons of playing time vs sitting on the bench on A. Also consider what you are asking of coaches, here. I suppose if a parent complains enough maybe some coaches will appease them- but at what cost? It will just end up with your kid sitting on the bench and making yourself the “problem” parent. How is that better for your kid?!

Well shoot, once they're on the team I can badger them into giving my kid more play time.
If it worked once, why wouldn't it work again.

Sad but true. Unfortunately some youth coaches do “give in” to parents like this- which causes so many problems. It encourages the other parents to do the same “hey it worked for Larlo’s dad!” or legitimately casts doubt on coach’s decision making “is Larlo playing over my kid because he is better? Or because his mom complained?” . It also makes things worse for future coaches- parents figure if it was fine on the other team, why not on this team? Ugh.

There was a lot of this on my son’s team when younger (with paid non parent coaches, even!). Finally this year (the kids are middle schoolers) coaches made the whole team RUN in practice every time a parent contacts them about playing time. LOL. He announces to the whole team “I got 2 parent complaints about playing time. Line up!” and makes the whole team run. A LOT. His way of telling the kids to get their parents in line- seems to be working and have not heard any complaints.