Coaches, do you stonewall parents on level discussions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever think 🤔 the coach and the program have your child’s best interest in mind?

This is what’s wrong with youth sports - parents - not trusting those in charge and letting go. If your child’s math teacher said they weren’t ready for algebra 2 and need more time in algebra 1, are you going to argue that you want your child to move up with her friends regardless?

Value a coaches input - it’s probably in the best interest of your child’s development.

Honestly, most clubs/teams are money makers and I do not believe they have my kids best interest in mind. You may want to protect your kid a bit more and not be so trusting.

OP is wrong though. You can’t tell a coach/director that you aren’t taking no for an answer. That’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

What sport?

[Anonymous]

OP, by definition, "elite" means only the best players.

You're wrong on every count here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So parents can't observe the performance and see that she should be with the higher level? I know what I saw, her skills are similar, and she wants to be with her friends. She needs the challenge.

I promise you parents are not the best judge of their own child's skill level. I have heard parents make similar rants when I am very familiar with the kid's skill level and that of the kids they are comparing. Your kid is not (currently) good enough.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, your kid will survive and make new friends. Suck it up, both of you.

[Anonymous]

Dude, just buy the team and fire their asses! That is an Alpha Move!

[Anonymous]

My son is a year older but is currently in this situation (he’s on the B team and most of his friends are on A team). Sure, he is disappointed, but is making the best of it.

Did the coach/program not explain the reasoning to you? If they didn’t, it is okay to ask a general “what does she most need to improve on?” Usually they will tell you. Focus on your own kid only, do not ask about teams, ask for changes, or discuss other kids.

[Anonymous]

OP what sport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So parents can't observe the performance and see that she should be with the higher level? I know what I saw, her skills are similar, and she wants to be with her friends. She needs the challenge.

Travel baseball coach here.

I don't know if you're trolling but I have never seen a parent actually do what you describe.

No. Your judgement about your kid's ability is useless. Some parents can be objective, you are obviously not objective.
My guess is your kid is a solid player that won't hurt a team but when the baseball folks talk about wins above replacement... your kid is the replacement they are talking about.

The coach wants the best possible team and if your kid isn't making the cut, it's because the other players on that team are better than her.
Sure there are some close calls but in that case you:
A) Try to keep friends and siblings together
B) Give a tip for the kids with great parents that help out and make my life easier.
C) Avoid nightmare parents.

You are now checking the box for C. Your behavior just made sure that your kid loses every close call in that organization. You would be better off leaving and starting over and hoping noone calls your current club to find out about your kid and instead finds out about you. Sure you can rehabilitate yourself but it's a lot of work and if you were into hard work, your initial reaction to not making the cut wouldn't have been to do what you did, it would have been to ask what you do could improve to move up.

I am hoping you are trolling because this is so outrageous I don't know if you can actually outrun your reputation even if you became a saint at your next organization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So parents can't observe the performance and see that she should be with the higher level? I know what I saw, her skills are similar, and she wants to be with her friends. She needs the challenge.

Travel baseball coach here.

I don't know if you're trolling but I have never seen a parent actually do what you describe.

No. Your judgement about your kid's ability is useless. Some parents can be objective, you are obviously not objective.
My guess is your kid is a solid player that won't hurt a team but when the baseball folks talk about wins above replacement... your kid is the replacement they are talking about.

The coach wants the best possible team and if your kid isn't making the cut, it's because the other players on that team are better than her.
Sure there are some close calls but in that case you:
A) Try to keep friends and siblings together
B) Give a tip for the kids with great parents that help out and make my life easier.
C) Avoid nightmare parents.

You are now checking the box for C. Your behavior just made sure that your kid loses every close call in that organization. You would be better off leaving and starting over and hoping noone calls your current club to find out about your kid and instead finds out about you. Sure you can rehabilitate yourself but it's a lot of work and if you were into hard work, your initial reaction to not making the cut wouldn't have been to do what you did, it would have been to ask what you do could improve to move up.

I am hoping you are trolling because this is so outrageous I don't know if you can actually outrun your reputation even if you became a saint at your next organization.

+1 As a coach of high school aged kids, I’ve seen so much crazy from parents and you are waving the crazy flag high here. You have to realize that your behavior can be the difference from a bubble kid making or not making the team. Most parents are not capable of evaluating their kids abilities and value add on a team and they absolutely do not understand the team dynamics the way the coach does. Maybe there are positional needs you don’t understand. Maybe there are personality conflicts your kid isn’t telling you about. Best advice is to move on and find a new club and stay out of the coach’s face.

[Anonymous]

Pp here—agree that you could ask “what does Larla need to do to improve” but now that you’ve already gone the “not taking no for an answer route” the coach understands you are not someone who will hear them. Also, I have had many of those growth needed convos with players and convos with players + parents and more often than not when the parent is involved in the conversation it means they are driving the improvement plan, not the player. The result is rarely as solid as when a player asks me directly and then seeks out additional training or puts in the work on their own accord. The kids that motivate themselves to get better are the kids who are more likely to find success at the higher levels of play because THEY care about growth, not their parents.

[Anonymous]

Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

The kid is upset to tears that she is not on the team she deserves. It is making her anxious. Should I not try everything to get this corrected? This is traumatic and damaging to her well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Follow up on this. I've taken notes from practices and some video of both my kid and the others. I'm still not getting anywhere with the team. Daughter does not want to switch clubs. Has anyone successfully litigated this type of situation?

Litigated? What would the cause of action be? What are the damages? Do you know how long litigation takes? And even if you sued and won (which isn't happening) and a court issued some kind of order that forced the club to put your DD on the team, how do you think that would be received by the coach and the other players/families?

I really hope this is someone trolling...

The kid is upset to tears that she is not on the team she deserves. It is making her anxious. Should I not try everything to get this corrected? This is traumatic and damaging to her well-being.

I understand the desire to protect our kids, but learning to handle disappointment is a part of growing up and one of the lessons kids learn from playing sports. It's normal for a kid to cry or be upset when they don't make a team that they really wanted to be on - it's painful as a parent to watch your kid go through that, but it is isn't a problem that you can solve. So no, I don't think you should try everything to get this corrected, because it was a judgement call by the coach. Just because you don't agree, doesn't make it wrong. I think you need to help your DD cope with the disappointment and encourage her to work hard to get better on the team she did make, or move on to a different club.