Coaches, do you stonewall parents on level discussions?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Your kid doesn’t move up because they want to, they move up because they earned a spot on the team. I hope you also realize, at some point, it’s not about playing with your friends. It’s about playing a sport you love and it doesn’t matter who else is on the team with you. |
Anonymous
|
Wow. This is a HOF post from a sports-parent.
The only other option is another team. "all her friends are on the other team" is unfortunately, not a good enough reason to move up levels. |
Anonymous
| Has anyone ever successfully sued for this sort of thing? |
Anonymous
| There’s more than one degree of separation between your DD and her friend |
Anonymous
Hard agree. OP, in two separate posts, you’ve argued that your daughter should be moved to the other team because all her friends got moved. This makes me think that what you (and your daughter?) are really worried about is saving face in front of the other kids and parents. If so, I gotta tell you that whatever the sport, the other players and their families are acutely aware of the hierarchy of skill/technique/drive/whatever marker within the group. This doesn’t mean they don’t like you/your daughter as people. But your family is probably the only ones who were surprised by the recent reshuffling. Let it go. If you have any further contact with your kid’s coach, let it only be to give them a heads-up that you suggested your daughter talk with Coach one-on-one to ask what things she should be focusing on this fall. |
Anonymous
Your next steps is to listen to what you're being told and accept it. If you must, tell your kid the story about how Michael Jordan was cut from his HS varsity basketball team his sophomore year. He worked his ass off on JV and you know the rest. Your kid is 12, probably no Michael Jordan, but athletes develop at different rates at this age. The coaches know more than you. So accept the guidance with grace and let your kid play at the level they're actually capable of, not what you want them to be capable of. |
Anonymous
This. It's as likely that they get dropped as moved up. Some of the best advice that I've every heard from a long time coach is that parents get recruited too. No club or team wants parents like OP and kids need to be exceptional from them to put up with it unless it's a purely pay to play situation |
Anonymous
He was 5'11 and showed up 6'3 the next year. Not as great a story from that perspective |
Anonymous
|
As a coach: I don’t protect the child. I play the child without hiding their weaknesses and let the parents see it for themselves. My incentive is to field the most developmentally appropriate team possible. I’m not holding your child back for personal reasons.
As a parent (one of my children was moved down a level this season after years of being in the top line team): I trust the coaches and program that I’ve placed my kids with. If I don’t trust them on this, why would I have my kids there? Also, some adversity is a good thing. |
Anonymous
If you're kid's not good enough, than you're kid's taking someone else's spot and you suck. However, many coaches do not level kids based on meritocracy. They do it on other factors such as which parent is bringing "gifts" such as food, gift cards, team mom, etc. In that case you're SOL because that coach sucks and you're kid needs to find another team since they prob won't get playing time in the long run, either. |
Anonymous
|
Our club has a policy in our annual contract that says that there will be no level discussions with parents except to confirm levels during move-ups. It also says in writing that athletes should not expect to be moved up with their peers and that some will play up, repeat, or move up with their age groups.
Regardless of if your DD deserves to move up, the team has said no. They’re never going to change their mind because they don’t care about how your DD feels, or at least they care more about keeping that younger kid in their pipeline. We went through this and it hurt and it really sucked to watch someone new waltz in and bump my kid. Ultimately we knew we had zero agency because there are more kids who want to do the sport at that club than there are spots. Time for a new team. |
Anonymous
It happens sometimes at high schools also, where the younger sibling of a varsity kid will automatically make the freshman or jv squad even if they're skill's not all there. |
Anonymous
|
Ever think 🤔 the coach and the program have your child’s best interest in mind?
This is what’s wrong with youth sports - parents - not trusting those in charge and letting go. If your child’s math teacher said they weren’t ready for algebra 2 and need more time in algebra 1, are you going to argue that you want your child to move up with her friends regardless? Value a coaches input - it’s probably in the best interest of your child’s development. |
Anonymous
| Everyone who works with DCUM parents should get a gun and one freebie a year. |
Anonymous
Who cares that they stopped responding? You should keep not taking no for an answer. Let us know how it goes! |