Am I being taken advantage of?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't indulge this luxury. There is a school bus. Getting paid seems tacky.

[Anonymous]

When someone walks their kid(s) home from school every day (and do you walk them to school too?), it they sure looks like you have nothing else to do with your day.

[Anonymous]

She should offer to pay. I’d do it occasionally but not every day.

[Anonymous]

Sure glad all you awful people aren't my neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

It isn't an either or situation. I doubt that the op at age 90 will look back and remember this kid at all unless she has to do this for five years!

Even if she only does it for this year she might end up having a nice relationship with fond memories of this child. My elderly mother remembers all the children who were in her life and there were many.

This type of arrangement is where you meet your neighbors and develop what people call a community. Your third grader now knows one of his peers, that’s a plus.

I agree with some that you should get together with the mother and discuss the details. If you have to make a quick stop to the store is it ok to take her child. If it’s pouring is it ok for him to drive home with us. Let her know if you’re sick you’ll give her as much notice as you can. Hopefully it works out that she can occasionally take your kids for a visit or to the playground. You’re doing what a good person does, help someone in need and hopefully it turns into a nice friendship.

[Anonymous]

Ask the other Mom to watch your kids once and a while while you and husband go on a date night.

[Anonymous]

Something I've not seen mentioned yet is that after a couple of weeks, this kid will likely have the routine down and be perfectly fine to cross the busy road by himself safely, giving OP back her flexibility. I'm sure a lot of what's going on here is the scariness/newness of him walking himself home, but once he can tell his mom he can do it on his own, he will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something I've not seen mentioned yet is that after a couple of weeks, this kid will likely have the routine down and be perfectly fine to cross the busy road by himself safely, giving OP back her flexibility. I'm sure a lot of what's going on here is the scariness/newness of him walking himself home, but once he can tell his mom he can do it on his own, he will.

It’s been mentioned, but how you e put it is very clear. And I agree.

This is a new family, in a new area. New school and routine for the kid and probably mom too. I really feel
Like this is an interim measure and more like “can you keep an eye on him” vs. the panic on here basically correlating this with OP somehow being tearfully begged to adopt this child. He might feel unsure now, but I’m sure that in a few weeks he will hit his own stride both in getting home, and being at home alone, and not want to walk home with the little kids and stranger mom.

[Anonymous]

and yet somehow the school bus is not an option? This new Mother has gone to a lot of trouble to do the most complicated thing. There's a school bus for a reason. I wouldn't indulge this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

So what is it, DCUM? Are kids too lazy and should be walking, or should they take the bus because walking is a luxury?

I know is some areas, bus access is age related. Maybe it’s not where OP is, but usually if a kid is in walking distance (regardless of busy street crossings), then even if there is a bus that goes to the school, seats are reserved for younger grades so no bus “may” be available.

Or are you talking public transport, OP? You’re walking both your kids so it can’t be that far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok thank you! I also thought it wasn't a big deal but everyone else thinks I'm nuts and it's too big a commitment. One of my friends is paying a neighbor for something similar. I needed a sanity check.

Is she paying a neighbor to walk a 4th grader or is she paying a neighbor to walk a Kinder or 1st grader -- that's a big difference.

I would not be surprised if this doesn't even last the year because of the child's age. They are new to the school and the mom is understandably nervous about traffic and just her kid going to a new school on his own. I bet the backup winds up being "kid walks to school on his own" by January because he is old enough to do that and it won't all be new by then.

And then guess what -- next year he'll be in 5th grade and I bet if you wanted to you could send your older kid to walk to school with the neighbor on their own and then you could just walk with your younger child. And you'll know the neighbor kid really well from having walked with him the previous year and there may be days where you are sick or need help and he can help walk your younger kid as well and you'll feel comfortable with it because this family is now reliably friends at that point. And you'll be grateful for the help and backup.

This is how it's supposed to work!

+1 This is what a community is.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not being taken advantage of, and this wouldn’t be a scenario where anyone would need to pay you. BUT, all the people who are minimizing the burden places on the OP and saying she should take this on as a charity not of her own choosing are being a little unfair. It’s an extra step each and every time something comes up. It’s raining and she decides to drive her kids home? Not only does she need to call the school but she also needs to call or text neighbor and await response as to whether kid will walk, ride with her, or take bus. Kid forgets his key? OP needs to be the adult to help. Kid left his jacket at school? Everyone needs to go back. Kid wants to go to playground but OP’s kids don’t? Then what? OP’s kids are starving after school. Now OP is packing snacks for 3 kids 5 days a week instead of 2. Every time OP has a schedule change she now needs to notify and coordinate with this random other neighbor rather than just having the freedom to worry about her own schedule. It’s stifling. None of it is a big deal and a lot of working moms probably just assume the kids just walk straight home every day but in reality there’s usually something like haircuts, dentist appts, activities, errands, etc fairly often. I think it’s fine for the other mom to say, if you guys happen to be walking out together I’d love if you’d keep an eye as he crosses the street. But to effectively expect that OP is responsible for this child all school year is not an insignificant ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this actually make your life harder? It sounds like you’re not having to go out of your way at all. I would totally do this (and wouldn’t dream of charging).

This is the “village” everyone is talking about. In exchange for like 1 min of your energy a day (if that) this other family’s life is a million times smoother.

And, if you ever need help, you’ve got a great close neighbor you can call in an instant.

If there’s some logistical problem or challenge to this, that would change my answer, but the difference between watching two elementary kids on a playground and three is, to me, negligible.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When someone walks their kid(s) home from school every day (and do you walk them to school too?), it they sure looks like you have nothing else to do with your day.

That’s your opinion. Doesn’t mean you’re entitled to SAHM’s time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are not being taken advantage of, and this wouldn’t be a scenario where anyone would need to pay you. BUT, all the people who are minimizing the burden places on the OP and saying she should take this on as a charity not of her own choosing are being a little unfair. It’s an extra step each and every time something comes up. It’s raining and she decides to drive her kids home? Not only does she need to call the school but she also needs to call or text neighbor and await response as to whether kid will walk, ride with her, or take bus. Kid forgets his key? OP needs to be the adult to help. Kid left his jacket at school? Everyone needs to go back. Kid wants to go to playground but OP’s kids don’t? Then what? OP’s kids are starving after school. Now OP is packing snacks for 3 kids 5 days a week instead of 2. Every time OP has a schedule change she now needs to notify and coordinate with this random other neighbor rather than just having the freedom to worry about her own schedule. It’s stifling. None of it is a big deal and a lot of working moms probably just assume the kids just walk straight home every day but in reality there’s usually something like haircuts, dentist appts, activities, errands, etc fairly often. I think it’s fine for the other mom to say, if you guys happen to be walking out together I’d love if you’d keep an eye as he crosses the street. But to effectively expect that OP is responsible for this child all school year is not an insignificant ask.

This reads like one of those “why I need to be a SAHM” ads. Tell your husband who pays you.

I’m all for SAHM, but working mom is not asking for anything other than maybe if OP can walk her kid home *when she is walking her own kids home*. It’s happened twice. OPs kids asked to go to the park, and *OP invited* the other kid. Maybe working mom doesn’t even want that. She just wants to make sure her kid, who is new to the area and new to the school, has some supervision while he negotiates the busy road he has to cross.

I don’t see where OP is being forced or actually, even asked to watch this kid beyond the walk home. 45 min home isn’t some horrible burden, even for a 4th grader. Yes, it’s lovely if she can take him to the park, but all the dramatic posts about “all.the.things” that must happen so OP can’t possibly are just honestly ignorant. Because working mom is probably also doing and dealing a lot of these things with her kid.

Although I guess kids of working moms never let their kids eat, go to the dentist, or any of it. Honestly, it’s a wonder they survive.

Oh yeah, spoiler alert. I WAH. The moms I have to cover the most are SAH, because they never assume they need help outside until the last minute