Am I being taken advantage of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

It isn't an either or situation. I doubt that the op at age 90 will look back and remember this kid at all unless she has to do this for five years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see this as a big deal, but I’m
A helper.

If you don’t want to take him to the park, walk him across the road that’s if issue, and continue along to the park, although I can’t see how having one extra kid at the park you’re going to anyway is some kind of insurmountable burden. You’ve done it twice and are already complaining- why not stop now?

He’s a new kid. I’m guessing in a few weeks, once he knows the route, he will be able to go home himself. Next year, he could help your kids home.

Honestly, I can’t imagine being this petty, but you do you.

so you can't imagine a situation where your kids want your attention? What if the kid broke his arm? Then what? That isn't being petty. Op has enough to care for her children. It isn't her responsibility to care for this neighbor's kid at the playground!

[Anonymous]

Since the bus is an option, that should have been the mom's first choice. You could help out in an emergency but you can't do it routinely.

Eventually you will have something come up where you will not be able to walk home and instead will pick up your kids and need to go somewhere. Then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

It isn't an either or situation. I doubt that the op at age 90 will look back and remember this kid at all unless she has to do this for five years!

Of course she won’t remember the kid (though he might remember her!), but she will think about the life she led and what type of person she was. And it’s your choice every day who you want to be at 90, a miser who counted every voluntary act as a debt owed by another, or as a generous, cheerful and loving woman who people remember for her kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

Women's work was always seen as 'free labor" so now that we are getting paid for 'real' jobs that probably is the transition. Those who can stay home want to parent their children, not someone elses. "It takes a village' is used to take advantage of women's labor.

This is exactly what I mean. When you see every transaction as an accounting problem, anytime someone gains, it’s at your expense (the ledger has to balance!). When you throw away the ledger and decide who *you* want to be, regardless of how many a**holes will take advantage of you, you are no longer bound to anyone but yourself. The OP was willing to walk this kid home since she is going that way anyway, and maybe even was sort of happy to see her kid playing and him laughing, and her stupid friends robbed her of that by insisting she get paid.

[Anonymous]

It takes a village!

[Anonymous]

I have done this but it doesn't work out for long. The very last time was 4th grade, then between activities/appointments and the fact that the kids were no longer friends and had different social groups, it didn't work any more. BUT by the middle of 4th, that kid learned to cross the intersection and walk home by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see this as a big deal, but I’m
A helper.

If you don’t want to take him to the park, walk him across the road that’s if issue, and continue along to the park, although I can’t see how having one extra kid at the park you’re going to anyway is some kind of insurmountable burden. You’ve done it twice and are already complaining- why not stop now?

He’s a new kid. I’m guessing in a few weeks, once he knows the route, he will be able to go home himself. Next year, he could help your kids home.

Honestly, I can’t imagine being this petty, but you do you.

so you can't imagine a situation where your kids want your attention? What if the kid broke his arm? Then what? That isn't being petty. Op has enough to care for her children. It isn't her responsibility to care for this neighbor's kid at the playground!

Are you for real? Like honestly? The hand wringing number of flaming hyperbolic hoops that people will jump through just to not be a good person for something that really isn’t a huge undertaking. If it feels like a huge deal, then say no.

OP is there with her kids if they need her. Most kids just want to play at the playground. If kid breaks his arm (which is not exactly a daily occurrence), then OP can call his parent and seek the appropriate interim care.

What she really needs to worry about is the possibility of the zombie apocolypse coming when she has another kid, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Get new friends. The husband you're stuck with I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the bus is an option, that should have been the mom's first choice. You could help out in an emergency but you can't do it routinely.

Eventually you will have something come up where you will not be able to walk home and instead will pick up your kids and need to go somewhere. Then what?

Then OP can let the mother know she cannot pick her kid up that week. Or she can take 5 minutes, make sure kid gets across the road, and then go.

This is a gr 4 kid. It won’t be an emergency if he does have to figure out how to get home alone.

[Anonymous]

I’m actually shocked that anyone would think you should be paid for this. You’re walking your kids anyway. You’re being neighborly with no downside to you. What a weird response from people in your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m actually shocked that anyone would think you should be paid for this. You’re walking your kids anyway. You’re being neighborly with no downside to you. What a weird response from people in your life!

And on this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

It isn't an either or situation. I doubt that the op at age 90 will look back and remember this kid at all unless she has to do this for five years!

Of course she won’t remember the kid (though he might remember her!), but she will think about the life she led and what type of person she was. And it’s your choice every day who you want to be at 90, a miser who counted every voluntary act as a debt owed by another, or as a generous, cheerful and loving woman who people remember for her kindness.

Again it doesn't have to be so stark. Just because someone is unable to help this mom in this situation does not mean she is NOT a generous, cheerful loving woman. We all have limited time and energy so I don't consider it 'miserly' to know your limits. It's ok as women to have boundaries! For me, walking the kid home isn't the problem. The problem happens when there is no flexibility and it is seen as a given that I do it every day. What if I am sick? Or my kids? Or we have a doctor's appointment? The person who is responsible for this child is his parents. Once in a while or an emergency fine but, it is not the job of op to do this every day. It does NOT make her a bad person either.

Do you give you free time to every person who asks? If so, are your needs or your families' needs unmet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see this as a big deal, but I’m
A helper.

If you don’t want to take him to the park, walk him across the road that’s if issue, and continue along to the park, although I can’t see how having one extra kid at the park you’re going to anyway is some kind of insurmountable burden. You’ve done it twice and are already complaining- why not stop now?

He’s a new kid. I’m guessing in a few weeks, once he knows the route, he will be able to go home himself. Next year, he could help your kids home.

Honestly, I can’t imagine being this petty, but you do you.

so you can't imagine a situation where your kids want your attention? What if the kid broke his arm? Then what? That isn't being petty. Op has enough to care for her children. It isn't her responsibility to care for this neighbor's kid at the playground!

Are you for real? Like honestly? The hand wringing number of flaming hyperbolic hoops that people will jump through just to not be a good person for something that really isn’t a huge undertaking. If it feels like a huge deal, then say no.

OP is there with her kids if they need her. Most kids just want to play at the playground. If kid breaks his arm (which is not exactly a daily occurrence), then OP can call his parent and seek the appropriate interim care.

What she really needs to worry about is the possibility of the zombie apocolypse coming when she has another kid, amirite?

I’m a worrier and think of everything to worry about. But sometimes you just have to accept you can’t control everything. It really bothers me that people are throwing up hypothetical scenarios (what if he breaks his arm! what if…) to get out of helping a single mom and child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m actually shocked that anyone would think you should be paid for this. You’re walking your kids anyway. You’re being neighborly with no downside to you. What a weird response from people in your life!

And on this thread!

I don't think anyone has said she should be paid but, if it inconveniences op ( kids want to go to playground, are sick or have a doctor's appointment) it is not op's job to find someone to walk Billy home!