Am I being taken advantage of?

[Anonymous]

My friends would never suggest anything like that. Most of us have been in her shoes. They know I'm in a position to help them, help another parent, and a stranger.
My ex would say something like that. In fact, I wouldn't have even dared to mention it to my ex.
When I read what you husband said, being abused by my partner about such things came up really fast.
Whatever they said, made you feel bad about doing something good. What kind of friend or partner would do that to you.
I'm a single parent sahm now. I do keep an eye out for school and classmate til their parents get there. I'd walk every kid home if needed and no, I'm not super rich. I don't need money or thank you for every move.
It's entirely possible that it will last only few weeks or a month.
The nicest men I know would never say anything what your husband said. They would ask how you feel about it if any.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see this as a big deal, but I’m
A helper.

If you don’t want to take him to the park, walk him across the road that’s if issue, and continue along to the park, although I can’t see how having one extra kid at the park you’re going to anyway is some kind of insurmountable burden. You’ve done it twice and are already complaining- why not stop now?

He’s a new kid. I’m guessing in a few weeks, once he knows the route, he will be able to go home himself. Next year, he could help your kids home.

Honestly, I can’t imagine being this petty, but you do you.

[Anonymous]

It sucks when one person is fine with an arrangement that they made with someone and then is made to doubt their original intentions just because of the negative opinions of some unrelated third party.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with everyone else. I think it's a big imposition for her to ask this of you. Especially because he could take the school bus. It really sounds like she wants free childcare for those 45 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok thank you! I also thought it wasn't a big deal but everyone else thinks I'm nuts and it's too big a commitment. One of my friends is paying a neighbor for something similar. I needed a sanity check.

Well, parents are going to do what they have to do. It doesn’t make it right. It makes it necessary.

If I was the single parent, I’d probably offer to Pay something, or give a gift certificate or small gift occasionally. But it’s been two days.

This said, as the picking up parent, I would want and expect nothing. If people want to live in villages, you have to help build them, regardless of what you have vs. Others. There may come a time when the situation may flip. I k ow many SAH parents who have absolutely no back up because they think they don’t need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with everyone else. I think it's a big imposition for her to ask this of you. Especially because he could take the school bus. It really sounds like she wants free childcare for those 45 minutes.

Then say no. Everyone is then on the same level then, your “boundary” is clear, and life goes on in a different way.

[Anonymous]

Be the village, OP. BE THE VILLAGE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mother in my neighborhood asked if her 4th grader could walk home with me and my 1st and 3rd graders this year as she couldn't be there for pickup. There is a busy intersection with no crossing guard she isn't comfortable with him crossing and he is new in the school this year and doesn't know anyone. He is home alone for about 45 mins before she gets home. We are friendly with the neighbor and kid and my 3rd grader plays with him sometimes but we don't know them super well. I felt bad and wasn't prepared for this ask and said sure. All of my friends and husband are shocked I did not ask to get paid for this. Should I have? FTR there is a bus and he could take the bus and walk from the neighborhood bus stop home so its not like they have 0 options. I'm also a SAHM if that makes a difference.

Also the last 2 days since its been nice my kids wanted to go to the playground after school so we took this with us so I ended up watching him for like half an hour both those days.

You're already going his way so I don't see a problem with seeing that he gets home safely. Your DH and friends are not very nice people if they think you should ask to be paid for letting child walk with you and your children. So many posts rant about the village but are unwilling to be a part of that village. If other mom was asking you to watch her child at your house until she picked him up then, yes, she should offer to pay Personally, I would not dream of taking money. I was a SAHM and other moms were constantly asking for help and I obliged and, yes, there was one who took advantage but it wasn't forever.

[Anonymous]

Wow? Almost total agreement. A rarity for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mother in my neighborhood asked if her 4th grader could walk home with me and my 1st and 3rd graders this year as she couldn't be there for pickup. There is a busy intersection with no crossing guard she isn't comfortable with him crossing and he is new in the school this year and doesn't know anyone. He is home alone for about 45 mins before she gets home. We are friendly with the neighbor and kid and my 3rd grader plays with him sometimes but we don't know them super well. I felt bad and wasn't prepared for this ask and said sure. All of my friends and husband are shocked I did not ask to get paid for this. Should I have? FTR there is a bus and he could take the bus and walk from the neighborhood bus stop home so its not like they have 0 options. I'm also a SAHM if that makes a difference.

Also the last 2 days since its been nice my kids wanted to go to the playground after school so we took this with us so I ended up watching him for like half an hour both those days.

You're already going his way so I don't see a problem with seeing that he gets home safely. Your DH and friends are not very nice people if they think you should ask to be paid for letting child walk with you and your children. So many posts rant about the village but are unwilling to be a part of that village. If other mom was asking you to watch her child at your house until she picked him up then, yes, she should offer to pay Personally, I would not dream of taking money. I was a SAHM and other moms were constantly asking for help and I obliged and, yes, there was one who took advantage but it wasn't forever.

I would do this for free. +1 on it takes a village.

It also is good for kids to get to know older kids in the neighborhood and at school. Gives them allies/buddies/role models.

I am a working mom with almost no local mom friends. We are similar to another person who wrote they didn't have 4 local emergency contacts. I do every mommy favor I'm asked to pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

[Anonymous]

If you're ok with it its fine. But make sure to occasionally tell her you cant because you are taking kids to dr or an errand afterschool so he learns to take the bus home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mother in my neighborhood asked if her 4th grader could walk home with me and my 1st and 3rd graders this year as she couldn't be there for pickup. There is a busy intersection with no crossing guard she isn't comfortable with him crossing and he is new in the school this year and doesn't know anyone. He is home alone for about 45 mins before she gets home. We are friendly with the neighbor and kid and my 3rd grader plays with him sometimes but we don't know them super well. I felt bad and wasn't prepared for this ask and said sure. All of my friends and husband are shocked I did not ask to get paid for this. Should I have? FTR there is a bus and he could take the bus and walk from the neighborhood bus stop home so its not like they have 0 options. I'm also a SAHM if that makes a difference.

Also the last 2 days since its been nice my kids wanted to go to the playground after school so we took this with us so I ended up watching him for like half an hour both those days.

This is the only thing that would give me pause. Walking a kid home and making sure he got in ok is fine ( especially since you are walking that way) but, taking responsibility for him at the playground is different. I've turned down car pooling because when my kids were little they wanted MY attention and wanted to share details that they didn't want the other kid to hear. Also, what if your kids are sick? Is the mom expecting you to pick up the son? Lastly, I would hate to have the expectation that you are responsible for this neighbor for the whole year.

I would have a conversation with the mom with the expectation that her son can learn how to navigate this intersection by himself OR get someone else to do it. You are being taken advantage of if he is your responsibility. I wouldn't want to do it even if I got paid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someday someone needs to write a book about the historic transition from neighborliness to paid labor. Every single thing now has become itemized and billed, grandparents don’t want to babysit for free, neighbors don’t want to water plants for free, everyone is paranoid looking over their shoulder for fear of being taken advantage of. And before you come at me, I am a SAHM who doesn’t use anyone’s services and am definitely taken advantage of by family members to petsit/housesit/help out with errands when I don’t myself don’t need these.

OP, you will become very free when you finally decide what you will do cheerfully out of kindness to another human being even if they are taking advantage of ought to pay. It’s not about them at all, it’s about how you want to look back at your life on your deathbed. Were you hoarding love, resentful and taking out your ledger to account for everything people took? Or did you say f*** it, I will love people regardless of their intentions and maybe see what good comes to you when you are generous.

Women's work was always seen as 'free labor" so now that we are getting paid for 'real' jobs that probably is the transition. Those who can stay home want to parent their children, not someone elses. "It takes a village' is used to take advantage of women's labor.

[Anonymous]

I’d be happy to do it if I were going anyway, but I’d want to hammer out what the plan was if I had to pick my kids up sick halfway through the school day or something and was not there at pick up time. Where should her kid go, how would he know, etc. Absolutely no problem to do it when it’s convenient to you, but making it your responsibility or expectation is a bigger ask, and the kind of thing that one might reasonably offer to pay for.