To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead, light the fuse and watch it blow up in your face. Keep it private but squeeze your husband for all he’s worth. That will be the best revenge.

OP: I can do both. I have time.

[Anonymous]

You should inform the spouse but my only caution is assuming they posted here. I'm often finding posts that look like I could have written them so I think people all over have similar issues.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You're receiving these responses because you are clearly in a "Gotcha" frame of mind. That's unhealthy, for you. By all means, inform the husband, because both he and you need to get tested for STDs. Be kind. It's not his fault. But please don't envenom your heart and mind with hate for your husband and his partner. You are only hurting yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, focus on your own life. You come across as scary vindictive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You two work together. You should know after all these years that he’s sloppy and can be less than thorough when he’s distracted.

I found evidence of your affair from your recent work trip and dug deeper to find screenshots and other useful material. It really wasn’t even that hard. You chose to gamble your future on a fool who doesn’t cover his tracks. Like I said, after the myriad of hours you spend talking and the years you’ve worked together, you should know how he is.

I’m going to share these with your husband. I don’t know when yet. I’m sitting on it and deciding. Your home situation is delicate right now, and I know this is the last thing you need. I’m going to enjoy it. Your poor husband. He has no idea. He seems like a nice man too.

Hope it was worth it. Good luck.

Why on Earth would you post this shit here? No one cares, lady.

I'm here for it. You cared enough to respond as well. HA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably already knows.

OP: I doubt it based on what I can gather. Even still, I’m happy to help him confirm if he is suspicious.

NP. Be sure, OP, to get tested for STIs right away, for the sake of your health and your future after you end things with your fool husband. You cannot know who else your DH has screwed or whether this AP brought infections to the affair. I get that you're relishing the upcoming vengeance right now (and I do not blame you one bit) but please take a pause to do the pragmatic thing and get an STI test. You'll want another one, in however many months the doctor recommends, because two tests are a way to catch anything which is slow to show up. STIs are rocketing up at this time and no one should assume they're immune, or that their AP hasn't given them anything.

Meanwhile, gather all the financial and business information you need to be prepared so you can drop the bomb on the AP and your DH, and ask for a divorce the same day. I'd wait until I had consulted an attorney and gotten all the financial ducks in a row. Be sure DH can't clear out any joint accounts suddenly when you tell him what you know. And I'd never have sex with DH again, of course, even while hiding the fact I knew about his AP. I'd be oh so conveniently having "a woman problem down there" to avoid sex.

I'd recommend scheduling consults with all the top lawyers. Once they meet with you, they cannot meet with him. :)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, focus on your own life. You come across as scary vindictive.

Telling the husband of my husband’s mistress about their affair is vindictive? Strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going scorched earth always seems more enticing in theory than it is in reality. It tends to ruin everything, including for the people who wanted to go down that path in the first place. Destroying your DH’s career may be short-sighted if you or your children need his income or health insurance. Not to mention the impact it will have on your kids, if you have any. I get that you’re hurt but take a breath and give some thought about how you really need to play this.

+1 I can see wanting to go scorched earth but think long term. Take a step back and plan better.

And I say this as someone who is pretty reactive, and hate that about myself.

But, yea, I would tell the AP's spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, focus on your own life. You come across as scary vindictive.

so?

-not op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You two work together. You should know after all these years that he’s sloppy and can be less than thorough when he’s distracted.

I found evidence of your affair from your recent work trip and dug deeper to find screenshots and other useful material. It really wasn’t even that hard. You chose to gamble your future on a fool who doesn’t cover his tracks. Like I said, after the myriad of hours you spend talking and the years you’ve worked together, you should know how he is.

I’m going to share these with your husband. I don’t know when yet. I’m sitting on it and deciding. Your home situation is delicate right now, and I know this is the last thing you need. I’m going to enjoy it. Your poor husband. He has no idea. He seems like a nice man too.

Hope it was worth it. Good luck.

Look it’s the Queen of Focusing On The Wrong Thing

[Anonymous]

I am solidly team OP.

What her DH did is the ultimate betrayal. They got caught. Now they pay the price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

I'm figuring you've considered this, because you sound methodical, but if this also torches things like health insurance through his work for you or for any kids you have, be ready for that. Same goes for savings for kids' college or your retirement, though I figure those finances get worked out in a divorce and custody agreement. I am NOT saying to let this go, OP! Just saying: Be prepared for his career dive to affect all aspects of family finances and coverage. (A friend's DH lost his job when they divorced; she ended up with much less robust health coverage for her and their kids, which was an issue later on when one child developed a chronic condition that has cost $$$ and always will. That's why this issue is one which occurs to me when people divorce.)

She doesn't sound methodical. She sounds unhinged and erratic.

Yup.

Affair partners are so funny. You dumb girl. You thought the wife would find out and what? Be cool with it? Scold her husband? I would go a step farther and sleep with your husband after I told him. Be thankful OP isn’t as unhinged as me.

Exhibit A for unhinged. And if OP thinks the AP is here on DCUM and actually posting identifying info... Exhibit A' for Beyond Unhinged.

People who engaged in an affair are unhinged too. Therefore, everyone is unhinged in this family.

[Anonymous]

Sleep with the AP's husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, focus on your own life. You come across as scary vindictive.

She comes across as weirdly unhinged. I feel sorry for the AP's DH. She should just focus on burning down her own house if that's what she wants, and not his.

[Anonymous]

It could be considered a moral obligation to tell. I think most people would want to know.