Where is all of the anxiety coming from?

[Anonymous]

Call these ADHD, Autism and anxiety disorders what they are, mental illnesses. Maybe then some of the really stupid adults will understand the difference between a debilitating illness and everyday disorganization, awkward kids and nervous kids possibly brought on my stupid parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids have fewer opportunities to prove competence, and fewer opportunities to do something out of their comfort zone. They are chaperoned at the bus stop -- heck, they are even driven to the bus and allowed to wait in the car. There was a thread about leaving teens at home where a parent ordered Door Dash while traveling because she didn't want her 14yo twins to use the stove or oven unsupervised. If everyone in your world constantly tells you they don't think you're capable enough, brave enough, clever enough... pretty soon you begin to believe it.

This is actually what the research is showing. Read Raising a Kid Who Can. They talk about the emerging research and concern from the mental health community about anxiety and this is one of the reasons - kids are basically OVERsupervised today. The obsession with keeping our kids physically SAFE at every second has truly detrimental impacts to kids feeling of confidence, capability etc. They need unsupervised, unstructured time without adults. Kids in Title 1 schools ironically do get this more. Yes, too much of one thing is usually not a good thing. Kids ALSO need parents who have the mental space and literal physical time to be there and supportive, and people in private school communities are more likely to have this (due to access to more stable higher paying jobs, not because they are better or more caring parents).

The pressure cooker, zillion sports teams, focus on achievement and lack of unstructured play time with friends is all a part of this. And it wasn't just a coincidence you noticed it, therapists everywhere are FULL because it is becoming such a big issue.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. I find this is coming from teachers too. I got told my son had anxiety. Um no he doesn’t. I don’t need to read Good Inside to help him with his big feelings. He was nervous about a test. Um normal. He just has the ability to articulate. We can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Two of my three children were diagnosed with anxiety and started therapy in elementary school. I have diagnosed anxiety and my father was never diagnosed or did treatment (blue collar worker, very against therapy culture) but has all the signs.

I was not diagnosed until college but it’s clear that I could have used a lot more support growing up, in hindsight. I’m trying to make sure my kids have developed better coping mechanisms earlier, and I think so far so good.

[Anonymous]

When we lived in the DMV (no longer there) our oldest told me they were the only kid they knew at school who was not on anti-anxiety meds. We told our kids Bs are fine in our house, we're proud of you. We are easy going in general, but I know so many parents who are not at all. I was also a SAHM who was here for them as teens. Teens need you more than grade schoolers. We've turned HS into a long, tough slog.

[Anonymous]

Bullying and social pressure (to wear the right clothes, do the right private ECs, not have a visible crutch such as a speech impediment, etc.) is rampant in the DMV. Kids who are less than perfect are made to feel it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I find this is coming from teachers too. I got told my son had anxiety. Um no he doesn’t. I don’t need to read Good Inside to help him with his big feelings. He was nervous about a test. Um normal. He just has the ability to articulate. We can’t win.

Was this a younger teacher? OP here. I’m an older teacher (that sounds terrible but I’ll be 50 next year). I couldn’t understand what the issue was other than nervousness about trying new things. None of these kids expressed anything other than situational nervousness. Most of them got past it to try things like the ropes course, horseback riding, etc. Everyone seemed to want to try the new activities and did a great job. The nervousness was normal and was nothing like debilitating anxiety which I’ve seen before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things that shocked me: Kids not walking a mile to school, or in the rain, or in the cold. Families making lunch every single day. Teacher/or child calling from school that the child forgot something at home. Parents routinely standing at the school door, or at the playground, or wherever the closest is they are allowed. School expectation that a parent has free time -during the school/work day- more than rarely. Kiss and Ride .. the idea that parents make this nonsense part of their day. It's not a private school w/no bus service. Use the bus

Parents are wacko. That's why there is so much anxiety.

While I agree kids are too coddled and 99.8% of this “anxiety” is excuse-making or performative bullshit, I find it odd these things “shock” you.

1) My kids walk 3/4 a mile to school. In a group with other kids. Just like I did in 1980. Most kids do.

2) Yeah, we make their lunch. Better than the school lunch. They’re getting themselves ready during this time. So what?

3) Schools generally prohibit calling home for missing items or might allow it once. This was the policy in our LCPS school.

4) No idea what you’re on about regarding standing close to the door. Most kids find their own way home.

5) Whatever are you prattling on about regarding free time during the work day? You aren’t making sense.

6) Kiss and Ride? What?

+1 who are these weirdos equating packed lunch with snow plow parenting. My kid eats a sandwich, apple slices and gold fish every single day. Not fancy at all! But the school provided lunches are something even I as an adult would find hard to eat, and I am one of the least picky adults in my circle. Providing food your kid will eat is basic parenting.

Actually, basic parenting is making your kids responsible for assembling their own lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two of my three children were diagnosed with anxiety and started therapy in elementary school. I have diagnosed anxiety and my father was never diagnosed or did treatment (blue collar worker, very against therapy culture) but has all the signs.

I was not diagnosed until college but it’s clear that I could have used a lot more support growing up, in hindsight. I’m trying to make sure my kids have developed better coping mechanisms earlier, and I think so far so good.

The problem is many mental health consumers don’t understand that good therapy for anxiety is short. Kids shouldn’t be in therapy for anxiety for years on end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I find this is coming from teachers too. I got told my son had anxiety. Um no he doesn’t. I don’t need to read Good Inside to help him with his big feelings. He was nervous about a test. Um normal. He just has the ability to articulate. We can’t win.

Was this a younger teacher? OP here. I’m an older teacher (that sounds terrible but I’ll be 50 next year). I couldn’t understand what the issue was other than nervousness about trying new things. None of these kids expressed anything other than situational nervousness. Most of them got past it to try things like the ropes course, horseback riding, etc. Everyone seemed to want to try the new activities and did a great job. The nervousness was normal and was nothing like debilitating anxiety which I’ve seen before.

Yup very perceptive. I have legit generalized anxiety and my kid is like me. But it only gets debilitating if you avoid challenges. The last thing kids even with genuine anxiety need is a ton of special treatment.

[Anonymous]

The anxious kids I know are the ones stuck in endless aftercare, camps and activities. They don’t spend enough time with their own parents and families. They just shift from one institutional “holding pen” to another. Kids need a home, not a fancy house from which everyone is absent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things that shocked me: Kids not walking a mile to school, or in the rain, or in the cold. Families making lunch every single day. Teacher/or child calling from school that the child forgot something at home. Parents routinely standing at the school door, or at the playground, or wherever the closest is they are allowed. School expectation that a parent has free time -during the school/work day- more than rarely. Kiss and Ride .. the idea that parents make this nonsense part of their day. It's not a private school w/no bus service. Use the bus

Parents are wacko. That's why there is so much anxiety.

While I agree kids are too coddled and 99.8% of this “anxiety” is excuse-making or performative bullshit, I find it odd these things “shock” you.

1) My kids walk 3/4 a mile to school. In a group with other kids. Just like I did in 1980. Most kids do.

2) Yeah, we make their lunch. Better than the school lunch. They’re getting themselves ready during this time. So what?

3) Schools generally prohibit calling home for missing items or might allow it once. This was the policy in our LCPS school.

4) No idea what you’re on about regarding standing close to the door. Most kids find their own way home.

5) Whatever are you prattling on about regarding free time during the work day? You aren’t making sense.

6) Kiss and Ride? What?

+1 who are these weirdos equating packed lunch with snow plow parenting. My kid eats a sandwich, apple slices and gold fish every single day. Not fancy at all! But the school provided lunches are something even I as an adult would find hard to eat, and I am one of the least picky adults in my circle. Providing food your kid will eat is basic parenting.

Actually, basic parenting is making your kids responsible for assembling their own lunch.

People who say this only give their kids pre-packaged processed foods for lunch. Which is fine. But if lunch is left overs and fresh foods that need to be portioned out, cut with a sharp knife, put in containers, etc. then an adult needs to do that. A 7-year-old cannot peel and cut chunks of mango nor cut a square of leftover lasagna and put it in a smaller container, not without making an unnecessary mess and causing more work for his parents. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things that shocked me: Kids not walking a mile to school, or in the rain, or in the cold. Families making lunch every single day. Teacher/or child calling from school that the child forgot something at home. Parents routinely standing at the school door, or at the playground, or wherever the closest is they are allowed. School expectation that a parent has free time -during the school/work day- more than rarely. Kiss and Ride .. the idea that parents make this nonsense part of their day. It's not a private school w/no bus service. Use the bus

Parents are wacko. That's why there is so much anxiety.

While I agree kids are too coddled and 99.8% of this “anxiety” is excuse-making or performative bullshit, I find it odd these things “shock” you.

1) My kids walk 3/4 a mile to school. In a group with other kids. Just like I did in 1980. Most kids do.

2) Yeah, we make their lunch. Better than the school lunch. They’re getting themselves ready during this time. So what?

3) Schools generally prohibit calling home for missing items or might allow it once. This was the policy in our LCPS school.

4) No idea what you’re on about regarding standing close to the door. Most kids find their own way home.

5) Whatever are you prattling on about regarding free time during the work day? You aren’t making sense.

6) Kiss and Ride? What?

+1 who are these weirdos equating packed lunch with snow plow parenting. My kid eats a sandwich, apple slices and gold fish every single day. Not fancy at all! But the school provided lunches are something even I as an adult would find hard to eat, and I am one of the least picky adults in my circle. Providing food your kid will eat is basic parenting.

Actually, basic parenting is making your kids responsible for assembling their own lunch.

People who say this only give their kids pre-packaged processed foods for lunch. Which is fine. But if lunch is left overs and fresh foods that need to be portioned out, cut with a sharp knife, put in containers, etc. then an adult needs to do that. A 7-year-old cannot peel and cut chunks of mango nor cut a square of leftover lasagna and put it in a smaller container, not without making an unnecessary mess and causing more work for his parents. Get real.

Kids are fine with a sandwich with ham/turkey and cheese or a hard boiled eggs or cheese and crackers. They can put a piece of fruit in too. A banana, apple, clementine and others don’t require cutting. My kid at a variation of this for years and he made it himself starting in 2nd/3rd grade. He never had hot meals because he wouldn’t be able to heat it up at school. I ate a cheese sandwich every day for at least 6 yrs. Stop making excuses for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anxious kids I know are the ones stuck in endless aftercare, camps and activities. They don’t spend enough time with their own parents and families. They just shift from one institutional “holding pen” to another. Kids need a home, not a fancy house from which everyone is absent.

Judgemental much? Not everyone has the financial means to be able to make the choice to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Lack of sunshine, lack of free play, lack of riding bikes with friends, lack of working on projects to figure things out on their own.