Where is all of the anxiety coming from?

[Anonymous]

Kids have fewer opportunities to prove competence, and fewer opportunities to do something out of their comfort zone. They are chaperoned at the bus stop -- heck, they are even driven to the bus and allowed to wait in the car. There was a thread about leaving teens at home where a parent ordered Door Dash while traveling because she didn't want her 14yo twins to use the stove or oven unsupervised. If everyone in your world constantly tells you they don't think you're capable enough, brave enough, clever enough... pretty soon you begin to believe it.

[Anonymous]

The wolf you feeds wins. As a society I feel like we overuse the term and our kids are taught it to young. Adversity and being scared of things are part of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids have fewer opportunities to prove competence, and fewer opportunities to do something out of their comfort zone. They are chaperoned at the bus stop -- heck, they are even driven to the bus and allowed to wait in the car. There was a thread about leaving teens at home where a parent ordered Door Dash while traveling because she didn't want her 14yo twins to use the stove or oven unsupervised. If everyone in your world constantly tells you they don't think you're capable enough, brave enough, clever enough... pretty soon you begin to believe it.

What does this weird and baseless trope have to do with anxiety?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I guess what the parents are calling anxiety is what I would call nervousness or situational anxiety. I think it is something everyone has. They would tell/email me that Larlo can't do x, y, z because it makes him anxious. Okay, me too. The kids all know their diagnosis too because some used it to try to get out of doing things they didn't want to do. I would tell them to clean up the art room before we left to go to gym. Some would just sit there and not do it. When I'd tell them they needed to help clean up, occasionally one would say, "My mom says if I'm feeling anxious, I should take a break." WTH? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I guess what the parents are calling anxiety is what I would call nervousness or situational anxiety. I think it is something everyone has. They would tell/email me that Larlo can't do x, y, z because it makes him anxious. Okay, me too. The kids all know their diagnosis too because some used it to try to get out of doing things they didn't want to do. I would tell them to clean up the art room before we left to go to gym. Some would just sit there and not do it. When I'd tell them they needed to help clean up, occasionally one would say, "My mom says if I'm feeling anxious, I should take a break." WTH? No.

99.8% of them have no such “diagnosis.”

The reality is you shouldn’t have to accommodate it and parents shouldn’t coddle it. Don’t let kids use these stupid labels as a crutch — it’s bad for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I guess what the parents are calling anxiety is what I would call nervousness or situational anxiety. I think it is something everyone has. They would tell/email me that Larlo can't do x, y, z because it makes him anxious. Okay, me too. The kids all know their diagnosis too because some used it to try to get out of doing things they didn't want to do. I would tell them to clean up the art room before we left to go to gym. Some would just sit there and not do it. When I'd tell them they needed to help clean up, occasionally one would say, "My mom says if I'm feeling anxious, I should take a break." WTH? No.

99.8% of them have no such “diagnosis.”

The reality is you shouldn’t have to accommodate it and parents shouldn’t coddle it. Don’t let kids use these stupid labels as a crutch — it’s bad for them.

You sound extremely uneducated and uninformed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids have fewer opportunities to prove competence, and fewer opportunities to do something out of their comfort zone. They are chaperoned at the bus stop -- heck, they are even driven to the bus and allowed to wait in the car. There was a thread about leaving teens at home where a parent ordered Door Dash while traveling because she didn't want her 14yo twins to use the stove or oven unsupervised. If everyone in your world constantly tells you they don't think you're capable enough, brave enough, clever enough... pretty soon you begin to believe it.

You realize parents are forced to wait at the bus stop. There are rules about meeting the bus. Also realize that you can’t have it both ways. You can’t force parents to be at their kid’s side every step of the way then complain that they are hovering and over involved.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was only kids in certain lower grades where an adult needs to wait with them and pick them up. Nobody needs to be waiting with kids in grades 4 and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s coming from the parents. Yes, the low-income children have real hardships. But their parents aren’t out there expecting them to be class president, captain of a varsity team, get a 4.0 and get into Princeton. Upper income parents are a special kind of messed up lately.

Instead those kids are living in chaotic households, with food insecurity, violence, stressed out overworked parents, drug addiction, and many other serious issues. But sure, the kids aren’t anxious because you said so. Whatever the cause, the result is the same.

I have worked in schools on both ends of the economic spectrum. No need to antagonize. The OP said she noticed more anxiety among kids at her upper income camp than among the kids at her Title 1 school, and I have had the same experience. We are all very familiar with the serious issues facing low income families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that there are a lot of disregulated parents out there. Recently attended a middle school meeting and the questions being asked by people in their 40s and 50s was astounding. ‘How will my child know which classroom to go to on their own?’ ‘How will they know how to open a locker combination?’ No idea how they have made it this far in the world on their own, let alone parenting. No wonder their kids are anxious.

These are normal questions that parents of new middle school kids have been asking for decades. Yes it seems silly from the outside -- of course these kids will figure it out. But parents have always worried over transition years for their kids and the transition from elementary to middle is often one of the harder ones for parents because puberty is the hardest maturity shift for parents to accept in kids. It's generally not that hard to imagine your 4 year old being a 5 year old doing kindergarten things even though it can be bittersweet -- it's not that different. But the difference between a 5th grader and a 6th grader is jarring and parents often struggle with that shift -- a 10 year old seems like a little kid a lot of the time. A 12 yr old is practically a teen. A lot happens very fast.

Treating this kind of parental anxiety as problematic or out of the ordinary ignores the fact that parents have always worried over kids this age. Normal.

No, this is not normal, not to this degree. Nor has it always been this way.

And the difference between a 5th grader and a 6th grader is not "jarring," except to a real neurotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that there are a lot of disregulated parents out there. Recently attended a middle school meeting and the questions being asked by people in their 40s and 50s was astounding. ‘How will my child know which classroom to go to on their own?’ ‘How will they know how to open a locker combination?’ No idea how they have made it this far in the world on their own, let alone parenting. No wonder their kids are anxious.

These are normal questions that parents of new middle school kids have been asking for decades. Yes it seems silly from the outside -- of course these kids will figure it out. But parents have always worried over transition years for their kids and the transition from elementary to middle is often one of the harder ones for parents because puberty is the hardest maturity shift for parents to accept in kids. It's generally not that hard to imagine your 4 year old being a 5 year old doing kindergarten things even though it can be bittersweet -- it's not that different. But the difference between a 5th grader and a 6th grader is jarring and parents often struggle with that shift -- a 10 year old seems like a little kid a lot of the time. A 12 yr old is practically a teen. A lot happens very fast.

Treating this kind of parental anxiety as problematic or out of the ordinary ignores the fact that parents have always worried over kids this age. Normal.

Now a day actually ppl see kids of all ages older than they really are. I didn't feel like basically a teen at 12. I barely felt like a teen at 13. I think there is way more pressure on kids to be older, act older, be the best student, athlete ect. We forget to just let them be kids. We put extra anxiety on them and ourselves for no reason.

[Anonymous]

I feel the opposite. Kids are coddled and a lot of them have zero responsibilities at home. They have cleaners so no need for kids to help out. They’re too busy with a million activities anyway. No time for anything but school and activities. There is a lot of value in teaching personal responsibility with home chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids have fewer opportunities to prove competence, and fewer opportunities to do something out of their comfort zone. They are chaperoned at the bus stop -- heck, they are even driven to the bus and allowed to wait in the car. There was a thread about leaving teens at home where a parent ordered Door Dash while traveling because she didn't want her 14yo twins to use the stove or oven unsupervised. If everyone in your world constantly tells you they don't think you're capable enough, brave enough, clever enough... pretty soon you begin to believe it.

You realize parents are forced to wait at the bus stop. There are rules about meeting the bus. Also realize that you can’t have it both ways. You can’t force parents to be at their kid’s side every step of the way then complain that they are hovering and over involved.

Exactly. Some busybodies will call the authorities if people try to let their kids walk two blocks unaccompanied.

[Anonymous]

Things that shocked me: Kids not walking a mile to school, or in the rain, or in the cold. Families making lunch every single day. Teacher/or child calling from school that the child forgot something at home. Parents routinely standing at the school door, or at the playground, or wherever the closest is they are allowed. School expectation that a parent has free time -during the school/work day- more than rarely. Kiss and Ride .. the idea that parents make this nonsense part of their day. It's not a private school w/no bus service. Use the bus

Parents are wacko. That's why there is so much anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids have fewer opportunities to prove competence, and fewer opportunities to do something out of their comfort zone. They are chaperoned at the bus stop -- heck, they are even driven to the bus and allowed to wait in the car. There was a thread about leaving teens at home where a parent ordered Door Dash while traveling because she didn't want her 14yo twins to use the stove or oven unsupervised. If everyone in your world constantly tells you they don't think you're capable enough, brave enough, clever enough... pretty soon you begin to believe it.

You realize parents are forced to wait at the bus stop. There are rules about meeting the bus. Also realize that you can’t have it both ways. You can’t force parents to be at their kid’s side every step of the way then complain that they are hovering and over involved.

Exactly. Some busybodies will call the authorities if people try to let their kids walk two blocks unaccompanied.

Someone called the police because my third grader was walking to the library. Apparently they reported a 4yo. 🙃