Wife hates DC, but my job and friends are here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

Why is it a nightmare? I live in DC with my kids and husband. Kids went to DCPS. I grew up in a big city, not in the US. I love DC - so pretty and green.

I’ve lived in something like 10 states and 3 countries, so I’m coming at this from a pretty experienced perspective. We live in lower moco and can’t walk to a metro to get to work. Kids are in high school but can’t drive yet.

In my experience, everything in the dmv is way harder than it needs to be, and it’s really an amassing of a bunch of little things compounding in each other. There are two recent trips I can use to illustrate it.

Leave work in dc at 4:30. For some reason they don’t feel the need to work 24/7 on the parkway construction and taking 5 years working 6 hrs a day is totally cool. So you have to snake to get to Clara Barton. Every left turn takes 3-4 light cycles to get through because someone is on their phone, or someone coming from the other way blocks the intersection. It takes you 1:25 to go the 13 miles home. Then stop in at the grocery store to pick something up for dinner,m. The parking spaces are too small and everyone is parked over the lines. People is Escalades park in compact spots. People idle wherever they wanted blocking tesffic in the parking lot. Then get into the grocery store and the produce is terrible. There are no good heads of lettuce, the onion have flys all over them, the garlic barely looks edible. Then the grocery store only has one checked, the rest are self checkout and a bunch of people with full carts are taking their time. Then get home and make dinner and eat. Now it’s 8:30. And that’s summer without having to take the kids to any practices or games. Generally from when I leave my office until I walk through the front door, every interaction is with someone that has no consideration for anyone else. They feel no obligation to do their part to keep the machine oiled and running smoothly.

And i think I explained it, not going to do spell out what a trip to Gaithersburg or Wheaton Costco looks like.

Maybe we’ll feel differently when, like you, the kids are out of the house and we live in the city, if we decide to stay here at that point. But it’s not like this in other places we’ve lived. It’s not a full combat sport to go to the grocery store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy a 2nd home in the country side. Or maybe rent one for a year to try it out. Wife can spend more time out there, if she has the flexibility while you are working and kids are in school.

Lots of folks in the DC area do this, if they have the means. Properties are cheap in West Virginia.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure Hawaii, La Jolla, Jackson hole are beautiful places but we also need good jobs, kid stuff, easy logistics.

You act like they don't have schools and kid activities in places like La Jolla or Hawaii. Lots of regular people live in places like that, with regular kids and regular lives.

We left DC for a "let's live where we love" place. I'm currently working from home literally looking out at the ocean 75 feet away from me while I type this. So far today I went for a lovely 1 hour bikeride, went for a 30 minute walk on the beach with DS, and had a casual lunch with DS and DH at a fish shack on the water. We'll work a bit this afternoon then having friends over for cocktails in the sand tonight. I'll admit that I usually work more during the day, and have less 'fun' stuff, but DS goes back to school next week so we're living a little.... DS attends a magnet public school that is ranked in the top ten schools in the country.

I appreciate not everyone can do this. But a lot of people can, if you make choices for your lives. A lot of people around us are DC and NY transplants who strategized on ways to make their professional lives more geographically flexible.

People like the PP who are like "oh but if you want kids and jobs, then you just have to accept that life is a 40 year drudgery..." are pretty symptomatic of DC.

Some of us don’t find out lives and jobs in DC to be drudgery. Agree that if you do you should try to find something else. But it’s dumb to pretend we can all move to beach towns with remote jobs. You probably inherited a lot of $$. Also OP’s wife appears to have zero plans for how to make a life elsewhere.

"Drudgery" is a pretty common complaint for people living in DC. That may not be your experience, but I'm the PP who said I never had a single friend in DC who wasn't just running out the clock to be able to live somewhere better.

I didn't inherit any money. My parents are both alive - but granted they did pay for law school (I'm an immigrant so wasn't eligible for loans). DH grew up on food stamps, and now makes 7 figures. How? We both hustled our butts off during our 20s and early 30s in DC, and we strategized a ton for careers that would eventually give us geographic flexibility. We also probably both make less, and might have a shorter career, than we could if we'd stayed up north, but we're okay with that trade off.

OP hasn't come back at all, so he still hasn't even told us if his wife works or not.

Ok well most people don’t earn 7 figures. “Just move and buy a house on the beach!” lol.

I know a lot of people who profess to hate DC but generally they weren’t the types to enjoy what DC has to offer. I’ve lived in DC and NYC and find that NYC had the bigger exodus (due to schools/COL).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

This. I don't know a single person who "likes" DC. I know many people who like their professional opportunities in DC. But everyone I know in DC is at best tolerating DC as a place they will live "until they can go somewhere else" when they retire or their kids get older.

I understand there are -some- people out there who love DC. I've heard of them. In the 15 years I spent there, I was never friends with any of them. In fact, 25 years later, I don't have many friends left in DC. Probably just a handful, plus old work colleagues.

In light of that, I don't think that just because you live in DC now, that means forever and ever, your family has to stay in DC or its crappy rural suburbs. I don't think the compromise is a house in the burbs. A compromise is like "we've been in DC for ages 25-45 because that's where we met in grad school so it made sense to stay, but let's go somewhere else for ages 45-64".

But like another poster said, all of this depends on many additional facts, like how you ended up in dc, what your original ties are, what you both do, has your wife always expressed this, was there a plan to stay in DC, what do you do, what does she do, etc etc.

+1

-100

I live in DC and I love it. Moved here after college - live a few places in between but always came back. And I know lots of people who love it here too. However, we all live IN DC proper. Not saying there aren't things that drive me crazy - DCPS Central Office, Republicans messing with us, the month of August and the ridiculous profusion of speed bumps - do they propagate with underground runners? - but I love DC. Happy and raising my family here.

This is a fair distinction. If I was only responsible for myself and lived walking distance to work and everything else need to live, it might be a fun lifestyle. Try living in one of the suburbs on the beltway, like silver spring, Potomac, Springfield, Fairfax, etc. have both spouses working, 2 kids with school and activities, and try to get through workweek, then make a Costco run on Saturday. I dare you! That’s what many of the posters are taking about here.

1. Nobody made you move to Fairfax
2. I doubt there’s much of a difference between Fairfax and other suburbs
3. It’s perfectly valid to eschew the suburbs (or want a suburb closer to a hobby - say Denver for skiing and hiking) but OP’s wife seems like a whiner who just wants to whine, not like someone with agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

Why is it a nightmare? I live in DC with my kids and husband. Kids went to DCPS. I grew up in a big city, not in the US. I love DC - so pretty and green.

I’ve lived in something like 10 states and 3 countries, so I’m coming at this from a pretty experienced perspective. We live in lower moco and can’t walk to a metro to get to work. Kids are in high school but can’t drive yet.

In my experience, everything in the dmv is way harder than it needs to be, and it’s really an amassing of a bunch of little things compounding in each other. There are two recent trips I can use to illustrate it.

Leave work in dc at 4:30. For some reason they don’t feel the need to work 24/7 on the parkway construction and taking 5 years working 6 hrs a day is totally cool. So you have to snake to get to Clara Barton. Every left turn takes 3-4 light cycles to get through because someone is on their phone, or someone coming from the other way blocks the intersection. It takes you 1:25 to go the 13 miles home. Then stop in at the grocery store to pick something up for dinner,m. The parking spaces are too small and everyone is parked over the lines. People is Escalades park in compact spots. People idle wherever they wanted blocking tesffic in the parking lot. Then get into the grocery store and the produce is terrible. There are no good heads of lettuce, the onion have flys all over them, the garlic barely looks edible. Then the grocery store only has one checked, the rest are self checkout and a bunch of people with full carts are taking their time. Then get home and make dinner and eat. Now it’s 8:30. And that’s summer without having to take the kids to any practices or games. Generally from when I leave my office until I walk through the front door, every interaction is with someone that has no consideration for anyone else. They feel no obligation to do their part to keep the machine oiled and running smoothly.

And i think I explained it, not going to do spell out what a trip to Gaithersburg or Wheaton Costco looks like.

Maybe we’ll feel differently when, like you, the kids are out of the house and we live in the city, if we decide to stay here at that point. But it’s not like this in other places we’ve lived. It’s not a full combat sport to go to the grocery store.

Ha sounds like most of your issues are related to driving? You know it IS possible to live some place you can metro/train in? you can order groceries too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is onto something: DC is getting a rep.

1. Loneliest city for second year in a row: https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2024/02/14/loneliest-us-cities-chamber-of-commerce-analysis.html
2. Officially ranked as the least desirable place to live: https://www.timeout.com/washington-dc/news/is-d-c-the-least-desirable-city-in-the-u-s-080624

"Americans consider Tampa the most desirable major metro area in the U.S"

Haha.

I grew up in Orlando and I can’t take anything seriously that this is one of the best cities to live in.

[Anonymous]

Made the joint decision to leave DC last year after being born and raised there. Best decision ever. Life is so much better--while it's not the worst place on earth, it does make life infiintely harder to live there.

Signed, looiking out my office window onto farmland in NC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

This. I don't know a single person who "likes" DC. I know many people who like their professional opportunities in DC. But everyone I know in DC is at best tolerating DC as a place they will live "until they can go somewhere else" when they retire or their kids get older.

I understand there are -some- people out there who love DC. I've heard of them. In the 15 years I spent there, I was never friends with any of them. In fact, 25 years later, I don't have many friends left in DC. Probably just a handful, plus old work colleagues.

In light of that, I don't think that just because you live in DC now, that means forever and ever, your family has to stay in DC or its crappy rural suburbs. I don't think the compromise is a house in the burbs. A compromise is like "we've been in DC for ages 25-45 because that's where we met in grad school so it made sense to stay, but let's go somewhere else for ages 45-64".

But like another poster said, all of this depends on many additional facts, like how you ended up in dc, what your original ties are, what you both do, has your wife always expressed this, was there a plan to stay in DC, what do you do, what does she do, etc etc.

I moved here for my husband, who is from here and promised it was only while he gained experience. Twenty-five years later and I cannot tell you the hatred and resentment I have toward him, which no matter how much therapy or work on myself I have tried, will not subside. Unfortunately, I got so settled into my job here, too, that I really won't be able to get a job elsewhere. And because he made us live in this expensive city, we won't be able to retire and move somewhere else until we're dead. I feel like I gave away the whole second half of my life over his bonehead decisions. Every time I tried to force the issue, I was basically threatened with divorce and I didn't want to break up our family. OP, if you ever promised her that DC would not be forever, you better deliver. My husband is in for a world of pain when I leave as soon as I can.

there’s a reason why the saying “bloom where you are planted” exists. Yes, this area has it’s negatives, but it’s definitely grown on me and has plenty of plusses. Being convinced that DC is ruining your life and you can ONLY be happy in a rural area is a mental health/character issue, not reality. If OP’s wife said “Hey, I want a bigger house, smaller community, closer to hiking, space to have chickens” - yes, that makes sense and you can work with that. Saying “DC is ruining my life and I will only be happy in the middle of the country” is self-deception at best.

NP and I cannot tell you how much I hate that saying

Ok well there’s a reason why the saying exists. you can move too but it’s irrational to expect moving to solve all your problems, and unfair to demand everyone else uproot their lives.

I did move to a place where I am happier than I was in DC! For me it was the grey weather. Now we're somewhere sunny. I actually liked a lot about living in DC - but I was so unhappy about the weather that this chance was transformative for me.

Every place has its downsides, and there are good things about every place, too. But if you are fundamentally at odds with the place where you are living, it's really just sh***y to tell someone to suck it up and make a gratitude journal, because unhappiness is really just all in your head. You also have the choice to, you know, go somewhere else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is onto something: DC is getting a rep.

1. Loneliest city for second year in a row: https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2024/02/14/loneliest-us-cities-chamber-of-commerce-analysis.html
2. Officially ranked as the least desirable place to live: https://www.timeout.com/washington-dc/news/is-d-c-the-least-desirable-city-in-the-u-s-080624

"Americans consider Tampa the most desirable major metro area in the U.S"

Haha.

I grew up in Orlando and I can’t take anything seriously that this is one of the best cities to live in.

I live in Tampa Bay - St Pete - and it's gorgeous here! A really really ncie area. Summers suck but come and check it out sometime. There's a reason house prices have gone through the roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

This. I don't know a single person who "likes" DC. I know many people who like their professional opportunities in DC. But everyone I know in DC is at best tolerating DC as a place they will live "until they can go somewhere else" when they retire or their kids get older.

I understand there are -some- people out there who love DC. I've heard of them. In the 15 years I spent there, I was never friends with any of them. In fact, 25 years later, I don't have many friends left in DC. Probably just a handful, plus old work colleagues.

In light of that, I don't think that just because you live in DC now, that means forever and ever, your family has to stay in DC or its crappy rural suburbs. I don't think the compromise is a house in the burbs. A compromise is like "we've been in DC for ages 25-45 because that's where we met in grad school so it made sense to stay, but let's go somewhere else for ages 45-64".

But like another poster said, all of this depends on many additional facts, like how you ended up in dc, what your original ties are, what you both do, has your wife always expressed this, was there a plan to stay in DC, what do you do, what does she do, etc etc.

I moved here for my husband, who is from here and promised it was only while he gained experience. Twenty-five years later and I cannot tell you the hatred and resentment I have toward him, which no matter how much therapy or work on myself I have tried, will not subside. Unfortunately, I got so settled into my job here, too, that I really won't be able to get a job elsewhere. And because he made us live in this expensive city, we won't be able to retire and move somewhere else until we're dead. I feel like I gave away the whole second half of my life over his bonehead decisions. Every time I tried to force the issue, I was basically threatened with divorce and I didn't want to break up our family. OP, if you ever promised her that DC would not be forever, you better deliver. My husband is in for a world of pain when I leave as soon as I can.

there’s a reason why the saying “bloom where you are planted” exists. Yes, this area has it’s negatives, but it’s definitely grown on me and has plenty of plusses. Being convinced that DC is ruining your life and you can ONLY be happy in a rural area is a mental health/character issue, not reality. If OP’s wife said “Hey, I want a bigger house, smaller community, closer to hiking, space to have chickens” - yes, that makes sense and you can work with that. Saying “DC is ruining my life and I will only be happy in the middle of the country” is self-deception at best.

NP and I cannot tell you how much I hate that saying

Ok well there’s a reason why the saying exists. you can move too but it’s irrational to expect moving to solve all your problems, and unfair to demand everyone else uproot their lives.

I did move to a place where I am happier than I was in DC! For me it was the grey weather. Now we're somewhere sunny. I actually liked a lot about living in DC - but I was so unhappy about the weather that this chance was transformative for me.

Every place has its downsides, and there are good things about every place, too. But if you are fundamentally at odds with the place where you are living, it's really just sh***y to tell someone to suck it up and make a gratitude journal, because unhappiness is really just all in your head. You also have the choice to, you know, go somewhere else!

Nobody said to make a gratitude journal. But if you cannot find things you enjoy here, that’s a you problem. Not saying DC is better than every place or people don’t have real preferences. It’s just extremely immature to believe moving solves all your problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

This. I don't know a single person who "likes" DC. I know many people who like their professional opportunities in DC. But everyone I know in DC is at best tolerating DC as a place they will live "until they can go somewhere else" when they retire or their kids get older.

I understand there are -some- people out there who love DC. I've heard of them. In the 15 years I spent there, I was never friends with any of them. In fact, 25 years later, I don't have many friends left in DC. Probably just a handful, plus old work colleagues.

In light of that, I don't think that just because you live in DC now, that means forever and ever, your family has to stay in DC or its crappy rural suburbs. I don't think the compromise is a house in the burbs. A compromise is like "we've been in DC for ages 25-45 because that's where we met in grad school so it made sense to stay, but let's go somewhere else for ages 45-64".

But like another poster said, all of this depends on many additional facts, like how you ended up in dc, what your original ties are, what you both do, has your wife always expressed this, was there a plan to stay in DC, what do you do, what does she do, etc etc.

I moved here for my husband, who is from here and promised it was only while he gained experience. Twenty-five years later and I cannot tell you the hatred and resentment I have toward him, which no matter how much therapy or work on myself I have tried, will not subside. Unfortunately, I got so settled into my job here, too, that I really won't be able to get a job elsewhere. And because he made us live in this expensive city, we won't be able to retire and move somewhere else until we're dead. I feel like I gave away the whole second half of my life over his bonehead decisions. Every time I tried to force the issue, I was basically threatened with divorce and I didn't want to break up our family. OP, if you ever promised her that DC would not be forever, you better deliver. My husband is in for a world of pain when I leave as soon as I can.

there’s a reason why the saying “bloom where you are planted” exists. Yes, this area has it’s negatives, but it’s definitely grown on me and has plenty of plusses. Being convinced that DC is ruining your life and you can ONLY be happy in a rural area is a mental health/character issue, not reality. If OP’s wife said “Hey, I want a bigger house, smaller community, closer to hiking, space to have chickens” - yes, that makes sense and you can work with that. Saying “DC is ruining my life and I will only be happy in the middle of the country” is self-deception at best.

NP and I cannot tell you how much I hate that saying

Ok well there’s a reason why the saying exists. you can move too but it’s irrational to expect moving to solve all your problems, and unfair to demand everyone else uproot their lives.

I did move to a place where I am happier than I was in DC! For me it was the grey weather. Now we're somewhere sunny. I actually liked a lot about living in DC - but I was so unhappy about the weather that this chance was transformative for me.

Every place has its downsides, and there are good things about every place, too. But if you are fundamentally at odds with the place where you are living, it's really just sh***y to tell someone to suck it up and make a gratitude journal, because unhappiness is really just all in your head. You also have the choice to, you know, go somewhere else!

Nobody said to make a gratitude journal. But if you cannot find things you enjoy here, that’s a you problem. Not saying DC is better than every place or people don’t have real preferences. It’s just extremely immature to believe moving solves all your problems.

But a lot of people on here are telling you that when they moved away from DC, it made them happier. So in some cases, if the problem in your life is "I don't like DC", moving will actually apparently solve that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

Why is it a nightmare? I live in DC with my kids and husband. Kids went to DCPS. I grew up in a big city, not in the US. I love DC - so pretty and green.

I’ve lived in something like 10 states and 3 countries, so I’m coming at this from a pretty experienced perspective. We live in lower moco and can’t walk to a metro to get to work. Kids are in high school but can’t drive yet.

In my experience, everything in the dmv is way harder than it needs to be, and it’s really an amassing of a bunch of little things compounding in each other. There are two recent trips I can use to illustrate it.

Leave work in dc at 4:30. For some reason they don’t feel the need to work 24/7 on the parkway construction and taking 5 years working 6 hrs a day is totally cool. So you have to snake to get to Clara Barton. Every left turn takes 3-4 light cycles to get through because someone is on their phone, or someone coming from the other way blocks the intersection. It takes you 1:25 to go the 13 miles home. Then stop in at the grocery store to pick something up for dinner,m. The parking spaces are too small and everyone is parked over the lines. People is Escalades park in compact spots. People idle wherever they wanted blocking tesffic in the parking lot. Then get into the grocery store and the produce is terrible. There are no good heads of lettuce, the onion have flys all over them, the garlic barely looks edible. Then the grocery store only has one checked, the rest are self checkout and a bunch of people with full carts are taking their time. Then get home and make dinner and eat. Now it’s 8:30. And that’s summer without having to take the kids to any practices or games. Generally from when I leave my office until I walk through the front door, every interaction is with someone that has no consideration for anyone else. They feel no obligation to do their part to keep the machine oiled and running smoothly.

And i think I explained it, not going to do spell out what a trip to Gaithersburg or Wheaton Costco looks like.

Maybe we’ll feel differently when, like you, the kids are out of the house and we live in the city, if we decide to stay here at that point. But it’s not like this in other places we’ve lived. It’s not a full combat sport to go to the grocery store.

I really don’t understand how your example is any different than a major city suburb where you decided to live somewhat close…but obviously not close enough. It’s not DC specific.

We are walking to metro, grocery store (two actually)etc…not surprisingly, life is easier as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is onto something: DC is getting a rep.

1. Loneliest city for second year in a row: https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2024/02/14/loneliest-us-cities-chamber-of-commerce-analysis.html
2. Officially ranked as the least desirable place to live: https://www.timeout.com/washington-dc/news/is-d-c-the-least-desirable-city-in-the-u-s-080624

"Americans consider Tampa the most desirable major metro area in the U.S"

Haha.

I grew up in Orlando and I can’t take anything seriously that this is one of the best cities to live in.

Considering that Tampa is not, in fact, Orlando-yes, Tampa is a really good place to live.

[Anonymous]

I’d get a weekend cabin at Lake Anna or somewhere in the Shenandoah valley. I’d you can get one near a major medical center and use it as your retirement plan, so much the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.

Why is it a nightmare? I live in DC with my kids and husband. Kids went to DCPS. I grew up in a big city, not in the US. I love DC - so pretty and green.

I’ve lived in something like 10 states and 3 countries, so I’m coming at this from a pretty experienced perspective. We live in lower moco and can’t walk to a metro to get to work. Kids are in high school but can’t drive yet.

In my experience, everything in the dmv is way harder than it needs to be, and it’s really an amassing of a bunch of little things compounding in each other. There are two recent trips I can use to illustrate it.

Leave work in dc at 4:30. For some reason they don’t feel the need to work 24/7 on the parkway construction and taking 5 years working 6 hrs a day is totally cool. So you have to snake to get to Clara Barton. Every left turn takes 3-4 light cycles to get through because someone is on their phone, or someone coming from the other way blocks the intersection. It takes you 1:25 to go the 13 miles home. Then stop in at the grocery store to pick something up for dinner,m. The parking spaces are too small and everyone is parked over the lines. People is Escalades park in compact spots. People idle wherever they wanted blocking tesffic in the parking lot. Then get into the grocery store and the produce is terrible. There are no good heads of lettuce, the onion have flys all over them, the garlic barely looks edible. Then the grocery store only has one checked, the rest are self checkout and a bunch of people with full carts are taking their time. Then get home and make dinner and eat. Now it’s 8:30. And that’s summer without having to take the kids to any practices or games. Generally from when I leave my office until I walk through the front door, every interaction is with someone that has no consideration for anyone else. They feel no obligation to do their part to keep the machine oiled and running smoothly.

And i think I explained it, not going to do spell out what a trip to Gaithersburg or Wheaton Costco looks like.

Maybe we’ll feel differently when, like you, the kids are out of the house and we live in the city, if we decide to stay here at that point. But it’s not like this in other places we’ve lived. It’s not a full combat sport to go to the grocery store.

I really don’t understand how your example is any different than a major city suburb where you decided to live somewhat close…but obviously not close enough. It’s not DC specific.

We are walking to metro, grocery store (two actually)etc…not surprisingly, life is easier as a result.

I was trying to provide a “day in the life” example to give some context to why I feel the way I do. I’ve lived in Tokyo and Los Angeles so it’s not a “I hate big cities” thing or “I can’t stand traffic.” But it’s more wholistic than that. For me, routine things are just more of a pita here than other places, largely due to the people here generally being self consumed and lacking in any sort consideration for others.

Human beings are inherently adaptable, so I can understand how lifelong dmv residents don’t understand this, or how people that have lived here a long time don’t remember what it was like to live somewhere else. My main point was the stand up for the wife of the op a little. They do need to work it out as a couple, but she’s not off her rocker for hating the dmv.