Wife hates DC, but my job and friends are here

[Anonymous]

My wife hates DC—doesn’t like cities in general and has nothing good to say about dc. My job is in dc and our kids are in school and thriving. I think we could also be happy in the country (her preference), but we’d have to sell our house and I’d have to give up a job I love.

I want her to be happy and I can’t imagine another 10 years of knowing she’s miserable…but I really don’t want to leave. She wouldn’r be happy just moving the burbs in the DMV; she wants to be in the middle of nowhere. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Is she working?

Can you do some long weekends / vacations to the countryside?

It doesn't really seem good for the rest of you to move to the middle of nowhere.

Do you live somewhere now that has some trees / birds / nature?

[Anonymous]

You can’t move without a job so there is that.

I lived in a place I hated for 7 years. We finally got back to DC. We are divorced now.

We will not retire together. (There were other problems), but geographic issues can be dealbreakers.

I no longer like the DC area like I used to but our jobs are here. Ex is leaving as soon as kids are in college. I will move further out. I am over it now, too. Stuck until youngest is in college (9 years away).

[Anonymous]

This is a serious incompatibility.

I used to be a city girl, never owned a car until after I got married and moved to the suburbs. Took a while to get used to living in the burbs. It makes logical sense for us given where our jobs are and our lifestyle. Is it my first choice? No. But you adapt and make the best of your situation. I don't think I could stay with a spouse who'd only be happy living in the middle of nowhere. What about the needs of the rest of the family?

[Anonymous]

Could you either move out to western Loudoun or somewhere similar and commute in or get a second place in the Shenandoah Valley where she could scratch her country girl itch?

[Anonymous]

Edgewater, Annapolis or Fredericksburg?

[Anonymous]

Did she grow up in a rural area or is this the fantasy of a pastoral life? Has she always preferred the country?

[Anonymous]

Fredericksburg itself isn't country at all - small college town surrounded by suburban sprawl. If you go past that sprawl to rural parts of Stafford/Spotsylvania, that would work.

[Anonymous]

Op what is your job?

What does your wife do?

[Anonymous]

She should compromise. Does your job allow for hybrid/remote? There are exurbs you could consider like Poolesville.

[Anonymous]

She needs to compromise. If she wants more space to garden or have animals, you can manage that in the DMV. If she wants to do outdoor hobbies you can do that on the weekend. But she cannot demand something that only caters to her preferences and completely changes everything. The refusal to consider anything but “in the middle of nowhere” suggests something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

Buy a 2nd home in the country side. Or maybe rent one for a year to try it out. Wife can spend more time out there, if she has the flexibility while you are working and kids are in school.

Lots of folks in the DC area do this, if they have the means. Properties are cheap in West Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Really not enough information to be able to comment… I mean, how did you end up in DC, did she all of a sudden just change her mind? Had you originally agreed to only stay in the city for a few years? Sounds absurd to uproot your entire family for her whimsical thoughts of the country.

[Anonymous]

I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I’ll trade wives with you. Mine loves and works in dc and I hate it.

Seriously, once you get 45 outside of dc it’s pretty rural and there are Marc/bee and metro stops you San drive to, park, and ride in.