When you don't like your AC's significant other for trivial reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of MIL don't love their SIL or DIL and there are many new husbands / wives who don't love their in-laws.

In-laws in both directly are complicated relationships as joining a well established family or welcoming someone really different into your family often iisn't easy.

My family was a quiet, studious, emotionally suppressed family who plays board games and trivia at family get togethers. Both my brothers married very emotional, extroverted, non intellectual women who couldn't be more different from my family (which may be what attracted them to them). It takes time to figure out how to manage these relationships. We had to change our family get togethers as my SIL would cry if we played board games or trivia. She had to learn that we aren't cold hearted because we don't cry a lot. Over the years as people join the family, the family changes. It isn't that people are good or bad - but really different people.

WTF? Is she five years old?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's girlfriend (of four years) is short - barely 5 feet tall

On dating apps and in traditional matchmaking, height is a major requirement, even short parents are a red flag even if boy or girl are themselves tall.

Don't forget that its your son who is dating her, not you. He is clearly okay with her short height. Be thankful her negative is being short, not being a tall high maintenance sugar baby with issues like drugs, drinking, debt, fraud, abuse, narcissism etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why whole extended family is involved in a couple's relationship? Are you Indian? Family enmeshment needs counseling. What sort of mental health issues run in your family?

Please stop with the racist Indian comments. This board is filled with them lately. I can’t figure out if it’s just one person who hates Indian people or several. Next time you post a comment using a stereotype or negative bias about Indians, please ask yourself if you would write it using “Black” to identify the race. If that makes you uncomfortable, please just delete your sentence.

As a person of Indian origin myself, I can assure you that family enmeshment and MIL insecurities have gone to another level in our culture and new generations are calling it out and standing up against control and manipulation getting packaged as tradition and family values.

[Anonymous]

How many of you would want your MIL involving her sister and their social media friends in yours and your SO's business? Just because you are an extrovert queer person in a same sex relationship, doesn't mean you don't have feelings and boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I once babysat regularly in college for a mom that was so LOUD. I get headaches from this type of stuff. I feel you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why whole extended family is involved in a couple's relationship? Are you Indian? Family enmeshment needs counseling. What sort of mental health issues run in your family?

Please stop with the racist Indian comments. This board is filled with them lately. I can’t figure out if it’s just one person who hates Indian people or several. Next time you post a comment using a stereotype or negative bias about Indians, please ask yourself if you would write it using “Black” to identify the race. If that makes you uncomfortable, please just delete your sentence.

As a person of Indian origin myself, I can assure you that family enmeshment and MIL insecurities have gone to another level in our culture and new generations are calling it out and standing up against control and manipulation getting packaged as tradition and family values.

It’s not typical for black families to do this. It would been seen as inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why whole extended family is involved in a couple's relationship? Are you Indian? Family enmeshment needs counseling. What sort of mental health issues run in your family?

Please stop with the racist Indian comments. This board is filled with them lately. I can’t figure out if it’s just one person who hates Indian people or several. Next time you post a comment using a stereotype or negative bias about Indians, please ask yourself if you would write it using “Black” to identify the race. If that makes you uncomfortable, please just delete your sentence.

As a person of Indian origin myself, I can assure you that family enmeshment and MIL insecurities have gone to another level in our culture and new generations are calling it out and standing up against control and manipulation getting packaged as tradition and family values.

It’s not typical for black families to do this. It would been seen as inappropriate.

Every race and family has different and similar issues, all of which can be avoided if people avoid inserting themselves into lives of young couples. So many relationships all over the world end or get sour due to family issues.

[Anonymous]

A dear friend's son is struggling with depression as mum thought the woman he loved wasn't good enough and 9 years later, he still can't bond with anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were in the the parent's shoes, I would talk to my child and explain that I am very, very happy that my child is happy and that I think that they've found a great partner. But I would say that I get overwhelmed by the partner, so I can only handle a certain amount of time and then need some alone time. I can't imagine my child would have reached adulthood without realize that I was introverted and had troubles taking a large amount of extroverted behavior, so this should not be a surprise. Then say that you want to be as encouraging and supportive as possible, so that they should not take your need for breaks to be anything other than a little personal care for myself.

I, myself, am an extrovert, who comes from a family of extroverts. My spouse, however, is an introvert from a family of introverts. We've handled this issue for nearly 25 years. The point is that everyone understands that each person is an individual and has to take care of themselves and that the means by which they do so are not commentary or issues with other people or ways of handling things. My spouse will take breaks from my family and go to the bedroom and read. If I am tired of the quiet and solitude of family doing their own thing, then I head out and go someplace where there is more activity going on. I used to just take the kids out to the playground or to a movie or out for ice cream just to get out of the house of people just sitting around quietly. And we've all made it work and we all understand each other and we all adapt to being supportive of each other in our own way without judgment.

Be honest an out what you want and need and then work with the family members to find a way for everyone to be comfortable.

Do not do this! Seriously, the advice on this board can be terrible sometimes. It their child is happy and their partner is not abusing them or something, just be pleasant and nice like you would be to anyone else. We have all had friends with big personalities, it’s not like anyone is going to change it. If DD is happy, leave it alone. Also with time people can grow on you.

[Anonymous]

Meant to add, it’s fine to take space. But don’t tell your younger person it’s to get away from their significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister had issues with how her son’s GF set the table. I think she figured the girl wasn’t from the right background.
After spending a lot of time with her, she got over it and really likes the girl. Give it time.

Was your sister from the 1950’s where girls took home ec and learned how to keep house for their man?

[Anonymous]

It's important for two of them to be comfortable with each other, not a must for mom, grandpa and third cousin to be comfortable with them.

[Anonymous]

Sister should mind her own business and learn some show tunes to sing along to at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well since this got bumped I guess I'll give you a little update. Sister has been practicing the whole "think of nice things about him before and after the visit" deal. And it is helping. She needed a little "get over herself" push.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FIRST.. .

I am posting for my sister. She doesn't want to risk anyone finding that she posted (just being extra paranoid). I told her I'd post and relay messages and her responses. Anyways...on to the post

Her child is getting very serious with their SO. Really, SO other is great. Kind, polite, great job, respectful, and they are very clearly in love. But they have a personality that just grates on my sister and she struggles to spend long periods of time with them. Think someone very extroverted and the other is an introvert. Or kind of that theater kid over the top personality. Everything is just big emotions and exuberant. She has no other way to describe it. I think she's hoping people will get what she means. So if anyone has BTDT and just struggled with their AC's SO for no real reason, any advice?

Great, she will be a gracious, non-clingy MIL who gives the young couple space.