Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a whole trend for this, right? Swedish death cleaning?

Honestly my parents have a giant house full of stuff and I’m not worried about this. I’m not really attached to any of it and we’ll just hire a clean out company. I’m sure I’ll spend a lot of time in there crying and take photos and other mementos, but I’m not going to be stressed about the general stuff.

For some people, the stress doesn't come from within (from themselves) but from outside--extended family pressure. Family members complaining "you can't get rid of that! It was great grandma's!" You offer it to them, and they have a million excuses why they can't come get it themselves, or pay to have it shipped to them...and just want you to hold on to it until they have time to figure out how to get it....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a whole trend for this, right? Swedish death cleaning?

Honestly my parents have a giant house full of stuff and I’m not worried about this. I’m not really attached to any of it and we’ll just hire a clean out company. I’m sure I’ll spend a lot of time in there crying and take photos and other mementos, but I’m not going to be stressed about the general stuff.

For some people, the stress doesn't come from within (from themselves) but from outside--extended family pressure. Family members complaining "you can't get rid of that! It was great grandma's!" You offer it to them, and they have a million excuses why they can't come get it themselves, or pay to have it shipped to them...and just want you to hold on to it until they have time to figure out how to get it....

Oh, well mercifully none of my extended family would be under any illusions that I would do that for more than a few cherished things! I am a kind and generous person and I would happily store some photos or a vase for someone for years, but that wouldn’t stop my from clearing out the house and I’m not going to do it for a dining room table.

My parents actually have a lot of semi-valuable art and decorative stuff and an estate sale seems like the perfect way for that stuff to find loving homes. Or just…homes. Somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

We've moved often enough that we purge each time and do not have a lot of stuff. We also don't buy a lot of things. My parents have a house full of things, but I'm pretty sure my brother and sil will keep their house as a country house down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

What the actual F does the above complaint have to do with "entitlement"???? People throw that label on anything they don't like to read on here.

[Anonymous]

For those who need some inspiration, I've been listening to a CD (!) I took out of the library called "Nobody Wants Your Sh*t" by Messie Condo. It's a satire of Marie Kondo et al, but helpful to keep going.

[Anonymous]

No they don’t care. Moreover, they think they are leaving behind some legacy, some very useful and valuable stuff! “Don’t throw it away, I paid a ton of money for it in 1991!”

[Anonymous]

My parent is a hoarder. I really dread the day I have to deal with their house with decades of junk. It has motivated me to declutter 1-2 times a year and frequently donate things I no longer use.

[Anonymous]

No I am not like this because I learned in my late twenties when my mother died and we cleaned out her house. Use the stuff you have. Get rid of stuff you don't want. Trim down the memory stuff each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

So help them get rid of that stuff now, or figure out who you're going to have to call when the time comes. What do you want them to do? You think your parents are suddenly going to become completely different people, becuase you're planning for their death?

The entitlement on this thread is astonishing.

What the actual F does the above complaint have to do with "entitlement"???? People throw that label on anything they don't like to read on here.

If anything sitting on a pile of crap you don't need and expecting other people to deal with it is entitled. It's also wasteful. All the crap my parents refuse to deal with might have been useful to someone 20 years ago but they can't part with it, so now it's garbage. Fortunately I've learned not to be like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

Did you read the second paragraph? Obviously they’re still living in their houses but there’s so much in spare rooms and attics that they don’t need. Hobbies they aren’t physically fit enough to do any longer.

[Anonymous]

Those who are considerate and empathetic and those who dealt with the exhaustion of it all for their own elder often do plan and downsize. Sadly we don't have those types in our family. We will hire out. It did us in with inlaws and I saw what my cousins managed. I also made it clear I am hiring out any taking care of the estate. I have seen too many families fall apart with accusations. I am not doing a job I don't want only to be accused on stealing money i don't need or not working fast enough with time I don't have.

[Anonymous]

I am on team declutter BUT I do struggle with the "might need it someday" fear. I know that someday is never, but it's still hard to get rid of stuff that's mostly hidden away in closets and drawers. It's easy to fall back on just leaving it there "just in case."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on team declutter BUT I do struggle with the "might need it someday" fear. I know that someday is never, but it's still hard to get rid of stuff that's mostly hidden away in closets and drawers. It's easy to fall back on just leaving it there "just in case."

I agree. I’ll put together a batch of stuff to donate and inevitably I’ll pull one or two things out “just in case”. Most of the time those items end up in my next batch of donations.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty good at ruthlessly donating, no matter the item's monetary worth. Kiss it goodbye and trust the universe. I choose to believe that the item will be found, by someone who will love it or needs it. If I'm naive, I don't want to know.