Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

After my dad passed away my mom spent four months cleaning out my childhood home where she’d lived for 40+ years. Once she took what she wanted to keep we had an estate sale. What was left went to the junk haulers.

She’s downsized several times since then and I always end up with what can’t fit at the new place. So now I am the keeper of the family history items. It is such a heavy burden. I have my grandparents, dad and uncles “important” stuff and the guilt keeps me from disposing of anything. I sent my brother eight huge boxes of pictures, slides and movies to digitize. But I don’t know what to do with the stuff that has $100-$500 value that I don’t want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But I don’t know what to do with the stuff that has $100-$500 value that I don’t want.

Sell it if you want the money. Donate it or give it away if you don't. You don't have to be the family archivist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the note OP.

Any tips for getting rid of stuff if you’re a keeper of “too much” stuff? I especially struggle with old work papers. I’m kinda stuck. When I’m on a flight and turbulence hits; I think heaven forbid I leave my kids to dispose of stupid boxes full of work papers from a job from 15 years ago!! All tips welcome.

The tip is to toss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But I don’t know what to do with the stuff that has $100-$500 value that I don’t want.

Sell it if you want the money. Donate it or give it away if you don't. You don't have to be the family archivist.

Agree. I freecycle a lot of things in that price range. I don’t need the money and am glad it isn’t going in a landfill. If the freecycler wants to resell it then more power to them.

[Anonymous]

The fretting/worry/anticipated stress was worse than the actual work. We cleaned out my parent's home, we hired the work out. It was a complicated property. A lot of out-buildings being used in a variety of ways, besides a large house. Hired a company to come in. They sorted. Family went through things of value/sentimental value - we limited it to one weekend. Come now. Now is your chance. We paid a hefty sum (thousands) but you know? split between the siblings, it was a few hundred dollars and well worth it.

[Anonymous]

10:16 again. You know how they say, "don't let perfect be the enemy of good?" Well, in the case of cleaning out an estate, don't let doing a good job be the enemy of get-it-done.

If you'd like to take that point of view. It's ok.

Through their own inaction, your parents made their decision. They didn't have an opinion on how to rehome their items. Donation is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do older adults ever even consider how much stuff their adult kids/families will have to deal with? Do you care? Do you get that your family will have to deal with your STUFF after your death, or when you transition to assisted living or a nursing home, *while they are also dealing with their own homes, families, jobs, etc.?*

I get it because I’ve done the grieving and assisted living declutter myself more than once. I still have some of my mom’s stuff. But I don’t think I have any obligation to get rid of my stuff just to make things more convenient for my kids. They will deal with it just like I did. This “Swedish death party” thing is dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

Very true! But keep in mind the Boomers want to consume all the nation’s resources before they finally go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

You're right. Wishing my parents didn't have a garage full of broken car parts is the same as wishing they were dead. You're very smart and not at all a tedious POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the note OP.

Any tips for getting rid of stuff if you’re a keeper of “too much” stuff? I especially struggle with old work papers. I’m kinda stuck. When I’m on a flight and turbulence hits; I think heaven forbid I leave my kids to dispose of stupid boxes full of work papers from a job from 15 years ago!! All tips welcome.

Come up with some rules and stick to them. For tax papers, they say to keep them for seven years. You can do for other papers too. So, go through everything and toss what is older. Keep birth certificates and graduation certificates and wills.

What is causing you to keep job things from 15 years ago?

[Anonymous]

Yes my parents and in-laws definitely think of these things. Any adult who has been a caretaker and then home cleaner / estate settler of an elderly relative would be selfish or oblivious to not think it also applies to Their stuff too.

I am thankful both my mom and MIL ask us to look through stuff in small amounts while they are alive and we can discuss it. There is some stuff I would have probably given away or donated except that they shared its provenance or why it is special to them - making it special to me. It’s so much better to spend time hearing stories and memories than just digging through endless boxes while grieving and wondering what the heck it all is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was watching 3body problem and one of the 30 year old people on the show died unexpectedly and his friends came over to clean out his stash of “extra personal” effects in his bedroom before his family got there

I always tell my kids to please toss everything out in my underwear drawer before any estate sales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One reason we have never stored anything in our attic or expanded our house

You don’t have anything in your attic? We have lots of Christmas decorations and keep sake boxes 1 for each person, and some other random stuff, but it’s all labeled clearly, which I did after purging about the same amount. It would probably take them 2 hours to pull down and sort into take, toss, donate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Really they should just move into their graves - sleep in a coffin, only wear the thing they want to be buried in.

Very true! But keep in mind the Boomers want to consume all the nation’s resources before they finally go.

How dare our parents stay alive! Really, the nerve.