Undergoing IVF in a Rocky Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for the baby and get rid of the husband. After a few weeks, you will begin to realize how miserable you were.

This. Women are not longer shy to admit that they just want " a child". If DH happens to be their man forever then fantastic even better. If not no problem you accomplished your goal of having "a child"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for the baby and get rid of the husband. After a few weeks, you will begin to realize how miserable you were.

At your age this is what I’d do.

Have the baby. Divorce the DH if he continues to be miserable. Only downside is custody. You won’t have the baby 100% of the time if he wants to be involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go for the baby and get rid of the husband. After a few weeks, you will begin to realize how miserable you were.

At your age this is what I’d do.

Have the baby. Divorce the DH if he continues to be miserable. Only downside is custody. You won’t have the baby 100% of the time if he wants to be involved.

NP. FINALLY someone on this thread acknowledges that the DH (or ex-DH) would continue to be part of the OP's life if she has his child.

FFS. The PPs here who keep blathering "Just have a baby! This may be your last biological chance!" etc. are nuts.

As is this PP above, because despite actually understanding that the DH would still have some custody, still does not get the larger picture.

Custody: If OP has a child with this man, whether they stay together or divorce, he will definitely get some custody. Probably 50/50 which is the norm, so she "won't have the baby 100 percent of the time" --in reality she wlll have the baby only half the time if she's lucky, and if she's unlucky and he wants to fight her for more? There'll be plenty of legal bills for her, and the drama and trauma around a custody fight. If he remarries and they decide they want primary custody, they might get it--I saw it happen to a friend, when a family court decided that remarried dad was a better "family unit" for the child because, well, he had a spouse now, and mom was single. (Yes, this does actually happen, even now.)

Influence: Why are people advising OP to have a child with a man she says is negative, pettily vindictive, and crushes her feelings, and does not want her to show or share emotions? He does not give her a soft place to land and he does not let her express herself. He will do the same to their child. Even if he only sees the child half of the time after a divorce, he will still be an influence on the child's personality, values and behaviors. OP needs to realize: If he tells HER to shut up and stow her feelings, he'll do the same with a child, who will then grow up thinking that it's normal for parents to reject you if you show emotion. And OP will be oh so shocked when she realizes her kid has learned to feel contempt for and fear of emotions.

I hope OP, whose post was months ago now, did not go ahead with the IVF and has left him. Better a single parent by choice than blithely going ahead with pregnancy with a man you're likely to leave. She'd be tying herself to him for the next 18 years at least. Those of you saying to go for it despite the crappy marriage are incredibly naive.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS PERSON!

Freeze your eggs. Get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Divorce him first and then have a baby even if you are single. Having a baby now would just add fuel to the fire.

[Anonymous]

I want a million dollars. I want a nice boss. I want a tall boyfriend. I want A nice car,

I want i want i want.

For gods sake, just have a kid on you own. you just want your dh’s money. Typical.

[Anonymous]

Are you positive you want a baby? I had similar problems and stayed to have kids. I regret it. I don’t even like having kids and now I’m trapped. Having a baby is a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

Someone this selfish isn’t fit to be a mother. Children need a parent to put THEIR needs first, not your own wants.

Divorce the awful man who would get 50% custody and look at having a baby alone. But don’t use your Dh and expect this to work out with rainbows and butterflies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS PERSON!

Freeze your eggs. Get a divorce.

Freeze eggs and get the embryos you made with DH destroyed, or your DNA and DH's are forever joined in a freezer somewhere, and he could create a legal fight to keep them. It is not terribly realistic that it would happen, but it could happen. In the current political and legal environment in certain places, there are already legal battles being waged over unused IVF embryos as "people" who can't be destroyed. And before someone says, don't make this political--I'm not. It's just today's reality that IVF and couples' choices are now being affected by judges' decisions. Anyone who has embryos in storage for IVF needs to get informed ASAP about what might happen if they split up with their spouse. IVF is no longer just between a couple and their doctors.

[Anonymous]

Adding to above post: The DH will get a say in destroying any IVF embryos too. If he decides to be a jerk about divorcing, he could make things difficult just to be punitive toward OP. She needs to think clearly and coolly about moving forward by freezing her eggs only, and getting the DH to sign off on destroying embryos if they're divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want a million dollars. I want a nice boss. I want a tall boyfriend. I want A nice car,

I want i want i want.

For gods sake, just have a kid on you own. you just want your dh’s money. Typical.

The OP did not say she wanted the stuff you list. She talked about wanting...stability. You think you hear "Money" instead.

Projecting much, PP? Got burned by a woman? Sorry if that's the case, but projecting all over OP's situation is frankly a jerk move.