If you were a light sleeper, would you ask your two DC's (home for the summer) to please not get home at 2 am?

[Anonymous]

Same situation here and we did what a couple of posters said - midnight on weeknights and later on weekends. We have to be able to get up to work. We are similarly courteous and try to be quiet in the morning while they sleep in. Different sleep schedules when they come home from college is challenging!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to deal. It’s not appropriate.

Agree. Wear ear plugs.

[Anonymous]

We have basically asked them to either stay out with their friends or be home by midnight during the week. They don't seem to mind that and don't do it all that often. I think they understand that it's hard to get back to sleep sometimes. In turn, I make sure nobody wakes them unreasonably early. (We agreed on 10am).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents gave me a midnight curfew my first summer back from college. I never came home again for more than a few days after that. As long as you’re prepared for that outcome, go ahead. I like PP’s idea of loosening it up on the weekends, that might work.

You say it like it’s a bad outcome, but I think many parents would think that’s a good outcome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s ridiculous people are siding with the kids. As the person who pays for the house, pays for the food (and makes the food), pays for college, and has to get up at 6 every morning to do it, I feel fine prioritizing my own sleep.

Not all of us are so fixated on showing who’s boss with our children. Is this how you treat your spouse if they wake you? Or do you talk with them about finding ways to be considerate of each other? I don’t see my kids as any less worthy of respect and consideration than my spouse—and in return they treat me with respect and consideration.

It’s not showing someone “who is boss” to be honest about money, what it buys, and where it comes from, and what is required to keep earning i. To me honesty is respectful. We have a nice considerate vibe at home based in part on clear expectations.

[Anonymous]

They are part of the family just like any other. My dh is a doctor and works crazy hours. I don't limit when. he's allowed to do anything, including preparing food. He's just as valuable as the rest of us! So, we got thick carpet upstairs and on steps instead of all hardwood, as it was so loud that we were all getting woken, even when someone peed at 2am (op - are people allowed to pee and flush the toilet? If not - you have a much larger issue going on) . He uses a different bedroom on these nights and i wear ear plugs and/or use a white noise machine. I also close the door. Fair for all.

OP - if you want to have any kind of long-term relationship with your adult kids, you need to loosen the reigns a little. And please don't pull the "i pay for everything" card. It's so entitled and awful to throw paying for college and housing in your kid's faces. You're the parent - that's what you're supposed to do!

People are being very contradictory in their posts - claiming they are "grown" so they should be able to adhere to whatever rules. Well- if they are "grown" then they should have more freedom to live as they choose and they should be valued as human beings apart from their mother's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Hmm. The only kid I know who comes home at 2am does drugs with his friends. His mother complained to me about it. The other teens and young adults I know come home at a more usual time.

I don't think the people responding that this behavior is OK actually have had to deal with the sleep deprivation that comes with it. If you can't sleep, you're messing with your health. Your children need to understand that coming home past 12 regularly is not normal, and does not take priority over the needs of a working parent with a normal daytime schedule. They're the odd ones out here, not you.

Also, you own the house and you're the parent. They can go live elsewhere if they want to party all night.

Coming home past midnight is totally normal for college students. Posts like these help me understand all the “my kid has no friends” posts. Op, work on them being more considerate about being quiet when they arrive home.

[Anonymous]

I am a light sleeper too and understand where you are coming from. I have found running a fan on on a low setting helps drown out the noice and I don't wake up as much. I prefer it to white noise machines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are part of the family just like any other. My dh is a doctor and works crazy hours. I don't limit when. he's allowed to do anything, including preparing food. He's just as valuable as the rest of us! So, we got thick carpet upstairs and on steps instead of all hardwood, as it was so loud that we were all getting woken, even when someone peed at 2am (op - are people allowed to pee and flush the toilet? If not - you have a much larger issue going on) . He uses a different bedroom on these nights and i wear ear plugs and/or use a white noise machine. I also close the door. Fair for all.

OP - if you want to have any kind of long-term relationship with your adult kids, you need to loosen the reigns a little. And please don't pull the "i pay for everything" card. It's so entitled and awful to throw paying for college and housing in your kid's faces. You're the parent - that's what you're supposed to do!

People are being very contradictory in their posts - claiming they are "grown" so they should be able to adhere to whatever rules. Well- if they are "grown" then they should have more freedom to live as they choose and they should be valued as human beings apart from their mother's needs.

I would be so upset to learn that my surgeon had been woken up repeatedly the night before my surgery by kids coming home late.

[Anonymous]

I'm really not sure what the right answer is, but I find it strange that your kids aren't at all willing to accommodate you. I am a light sleeper as well and my college-aged DC tends to be up at all hours chatting on their computer or playing games when they are home. Sometimes it wakes me up and I mention it. DC is sorry and tries not to do it again. After a few weeks they forget and maybe it happens again. But I would not forbid them from chatting past a certain time. Everyone needs to meet each other half way. Of course if DC was refusing to even try to quiet down, I would feel less willing to compromise. Maybe just start by asking them to be as quiet as possible coming in rather than telling them to be home by midnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are part of the family just like any other. My dh is a doctor and works crazy hours. I don't limit when. he's allowed to do anything, including preparing food. He's just as valuable as the rest of us! So, we got thick carpet upstairs and on steps instead of all hardwood, as it was so loud that we were all getting woken, even when someone peed at 2am (op - are people allowed to pee and flush the toilet? If not - you have a much larger issue going on) . He uses a different bedroom on these nights and i wear ear plugs and/or use a white noise machine. I also close the door. Fair for all.

OP - if you want to have any kind of long-term relationship with your adult kids, you need to loosen the reigns a little. And please don't pull the "i pay for everything" card. It's so entitled and awful to throw paying for college and housing in your kid's faces. You're the parent - that's what you're supposed to do!

People are being very contradictory in their posts - claiming they are "grown" so they should be able to adhere to whatever rules. Well- if they are "grown" then they should have more freedom to live as they choose and they should be valued as human beings apart from their mother's needs.

I would be so upset to learn that my surgeon had been woken up repeatedly the night before my surgery by kids coming home late.

+1
This is actually our situation and we said they can't wake him by being out late if he's in the OR the next moring. I am surprised the OP said her husband sleeps elsewhere...I mean you know that isn't an option for most people? Do you have a soundproof room or something that makes it better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are part of the family just like any other. My dh is a doctor and works crazy hours. I don't limit when. he's allowed to do anything, including preparing food. He's just as valuable as the rest of us! So, we got thick carpet upstairs and on steps instead of all hardwood, as it was so loud that we were all getting woken, even when someone peed at 2am (op - are people allowed to pee and flush the toilet? If not - you have a much larger issue going on) . He uses a different bedroom on these nights and i wear ear plugs and/or use a white noise machine. I also close the door. Fair for all.

OP - if you want to have any kind of long-term relationship with your adult kids, you need to loosen the reigns a little. And please don't pull the "i pay for everything" card. It's so entitled and awful to throw paying for college and housing in your kid's faces. You're the parent - that's what you're supposed to do!

People are being very contradictory in their posts - claiming they are "grown" so they should be able to adhere to whatever rules. Well- if they are "grown" then they should have more freedom to live as they choose and they should be valued as human beings apart from their mother's needs.

I would be so upset to learn that my surgeon had been woken up repeatedly the night before my surgery by kids coming home late.

Can you not read? None of us has an issue with sleeping anymore since we're realistic and respectful of the needs of ALL members of the family. My dh frequently sleeps during the day, when lawn mowers are going and everyone in the house is up and loud. Should I ask the neighbors to not mow the lawn?? No - He's adjusted just fine, without expecting anyone to tip toe around him.

Op needs to integrate this new (and very long lasting stage) into her home. That was my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are part of the family just like any other. My dh is a doctor and works crazy hours. I don't limit when. he's allowed to do anything, including preparing food. He's just as valuable as the rest of us! So, we got thick carpet upstairs and on steps instead of all hardwood, as it was so loud that we were all getting woken, even when someone peed at 2am (op - are people allowed to pee and flush the toilet? If not - you have a much larger issue going on) . He uses a different bedroom on these nights and i wear ear plugs and/or use a white noise machine. I also close the door. Fair for all.

OP - if you want to have any kind of long-term relationship with your adult kids, you need to loosen the reigns a little. And please don't pull the "i pay for everything" card. It's so entitled and awful to throw paying for college and housing in your kid's faces. You're the parent - that's what you're supposed to do!

People are being very contradictory in their posts - claiming they are "grown" so they should be able to adhere to whatever rules. Well- if they are "grown" then they should have more freedom to live as they choose and they should be valued as human beings apart from their mother's needs.

I would be so upset to learn that my surgeon had been woken up repeatedly the night before my surgery by kids coming home late.

+1
This is actually our situation and we said they can't wake him by being out late if he's in the OR the next moring. I am surprised the OP said her husband sleeps elsewhere...I mean you know that isn't an option for most people? Do you have a soundproof room or something that makes it better?

I don't know why you think that my dh was being woken by our college kids. He's not - that is nowhere in my post. We all had to adjust - and continue to adjust to new needs (like having an infant, or me getting a job that requires ME to be up very early) - including him. He wears earbuds and uses a sleep mask.

[Anonymous]

OP did you ever try the Bose Sleepbuds? I had them years ago and they were awesome for blocking out even my snoring partner. Works much better than white noise machine to have the white noise in your ear. They were discontinued but a new company bought the tech and has gone into production now. Mine have been shipped and I can’t wait to try them. Here’s the link

https://ozlosleep.com/

[Anonymous]

I can remember in college on summers I was out past curfew, but knew I couldn't come home and wake my parents. I definitely crashed on people's couches or stayed with people that I didn't want to. I'd never want my kids to be put in unsafe positions because it was my fault I was a light sleeper.