If you were a light sleeper, would you ask your two DC's (home for the summer) to please not get home at 2 am?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is ABSOLUTELY NOT OK to come back at these hours. How rude of them. Just because they're adults doesn't mean they're allowed to disturb the usual run of the household. Last time you checked, it was YOUR name on the title of the property, not theirs.

My son is home from college too and he would never even think of doing such a thing. His younger sibling is still at school. He drives to pick her up in the afternoon, mows the lawn, runs errands, volunteers, takes a class online, is looking for a job, and generally behaves like a responsible member of the household. It's nice.

Sad your kid doesn’t have any friends, and pathetic he doesn’t have a job lined up.

I'd much rather have that kid than one who parties regularly and comes home in the middle of the night. Nothing good happens after midnight, at any age.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. The only kid I know who comes home at 2am does drugs with his friends. His mother complained to me about it. The other teens and young adults I know come home at a more usual time.

I don't think the people responding that this behavior is OK actually have had to deal with the sleep deprivation that comes with it. If you can't sleep, you're messing with your health. Your children need to understand that coming home past 12 regularly is not normal, and does not take priority over the needs of a working parent with a normal daytime schedule. They're the odd ones out here, not you.

Also, you own the house and you're the parent. They can go live elsewhere if they want to party all night.

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules.

[Anonymous]

I prefer everyone to br home by midnight as late arrivals mess up whole family's sleep and driving at night is generally unsafe but occasionally they can't and its okay as I know they try and I don't want them driving fast to make the curfew. If it was happening everyday, we'll have to have a discussion to find solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is ABSOLUTELY NOT OK to come back at these hours. How rude of them. Just because they're adults doesn't mean they're allowed to disturb the usual run of the household. Last time you checked, it was YOUR name on the title of the property, not theirs.

My son is home from college too and he would never even think of doing such a thing. His younger sibling is still at school. He drives to pick her up in the afternoon, mows the lawn, runs errands, volunteers, takes a class online, is looking for a job, and generally behaves like a responsible member of the household. It's nice.

Sad your kid doesn’t have any friends, and pathetic he doesn’t have a job lined up.

I'd much rather have that kid than one who parties regularly and comes home in the middle of the night. Nothing good happens after midnight, at any age.

Are they Cinderella?

My kid is a straight A student, from MS, now in college. They've been going out with their s/o this past week, some nights coming home after midnight. Their s/o is also a straight A student. They don't want to ruin their lives; they have goals. But, they haven't seen each other in months.

If you keep too tight of a rein on your adult kids, at some point, they will break that string and never look back.

The time to talk to your kids about being responsible and making good decisions is before they go off to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Both of our DC's are college students. They are now home for the summer.

Both of them have summer jobs, and are mostly pretty considerate people. Our DD is not particularly nice to me (the mom), but is generally a considerate person. They are responsible and hard-working.

I wish that they saw their friends during normal hours, but it seems like our DC's insist that their friends mostly want to get together between 9 pm and 2 am. To keep the peace, I do not comment on that.

However, I have asked that they observe quiet hours from 12 am to 5 am because I am a light sleepover. I need to be able to concentrate at work. When they arrive home at 2 am, I hear them and so I wake up. I try to just roll over and go back to sleep, but I have a lot of trouble falling back to sleep. (When I was younger, I could just roll over and fall back to sleep. But now that I am in my early 50's, I find that I am basically awake once I am awaken after 12 midnight. I use a white house machine, and the Calm app to get back to sleep.

My DC's have said that it's "controlling" of me to ask them to observe quiet (non-moving) hours from 12 am to 5 am. My own mom (in her 80's) seems to side with my two DC's stating that they need to be able to have their fun in the summer with their friends, and that I should just use a rain machine (and ear plugs) to avoid waking up.

Any advice?

Does she have a tendency to downplay your needs? Do you actually care what other people think if you're the one who is suffering most and you have the power (money and authority as a parent) to control the situation?

This would not fly in my house, OP. I have trouble sleeping, my house is small and every noise is heard everywhere. My family knows to keep the noise down and if it means not coming in after midnight, that's what they do. There is no rule that says every college kid has to stay out at night. Plenty don't do that. I am SO not receptive to "but everyone's doing it!". Yeah. I shut that down in middle school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Both of our DC's are college students. They are now home for the summer.

Both of them have summer jobs, and are mostly pretty considerate people. Our DD is not particularly nice to me (the mom), but is generally a considerate person. They are responsible and hard-working.

I wish that they saw their friends during normal hours, but it seems like our DC's insist that their friends mostly want to get together between 9 pm and 2 am. To keep the peace, I do not comment on that.

However, I have asked that they observe quiet hours from 12 am to 5 am because I am a light sleepover. I need to be able to concentrate at work. When they arrive home at 2 am, I hear them and so I wake up. I try to just roll over and go back to sleep, but I have a lot of trouble falling back to sleep. (When I was younger, I could just roll over and fall back to sleep. But now that I am in my early 50's, I find that I am basically awake once I am awaken after 12 midnight. I use a white house machine, and the Calm app to get back to sleep.

My DC's have said that it's "controlling" of me to ask them to observe quiet (non-moving) hours from 12 am to 5 am. My own mom (in her 80's) seems to side with my two DC's stating that they need to be able to have their fun in the summer with their friends, and that I should just use a rain machine (and ear plugs) to avoid waking up.

Any advice?

We all know they had a ton of fun at school. There was always a period of adjustment when you went back home after a semester at college. You aren't out of line by expecting them to adapt to being home.

[Anonymous]

Earplugs for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is ABSOLUTELY NOT OK to come back at these hours. How rude of them. Just because they're adults doesn't mean they're allowed to disturb the usual run of the household. Last time you checked, it was YOUR name on the title of the property, not theirs.

My son is home from college too and he would never even think of doing such a thing. His younger sibling is still at school. He drives to pick her up in the afternoon, mows the lawn, runs errands, volunteers, takes a class online, is looking for a job, and generally behaves like a responsible member of the household. It's nice.

eh.. my kid has a job, straight A student in college, generally responsible, also doing an online internships.

They are not staying out late every night. I also have a younger DC in school.

Let them blow off some steam.

OP, maybe have a chat with them about not doing it every night and/or being quiet when they get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is ABSOLUTELY NOT OK to come back at these hours. How rude of them. Just because they're adults doesn't mean they're allowed to disturb the usual run of the household. Last time you checked, it was YOUR name on the title of the property, not theirs.

My son is home from college too and he would never even think of doing such a thing. His younger sibling is still at school. He drives to pick her up in the afternoon, mows the lawn, runs errands, volunteers, takes a class online, is looking for a job, and generally behaves like a responsible member of the household. It's nice.

Sad your kid doesn’t have any friends, and pathetic he doesn’t have a job lined up.

I'd much rather have that kid than one who parties regularly and comes home in the middle of the night. Nothing good happens after midnight, at any age.

Are they Cinderella?

My kid is a straight A student, from MS, now in college. They've been going out with their s/o this past week, some nights coming home after midnight. Their s/o is also a straight A student. They don't want to ruin their lives; they have goals. But, they haven't seen each other in months.

If you keep too tight of a rein on your adult kids, at some point, they will break that string and never look back.

The time to talk to your kids about being responsible and making good decisions is before they go off to college.

Hence why a lot of kids don't disturb their sleeping parent. If OP's kid can't do that, then it's not OP who needs to change, it's the kids. The point here is: the burden is on the kids! No middle-aged person should be sleep deprived by their selfish young adult kid after many years of parenting and working to put them through college.

[Anonymous]

I am sure they know that you are a light sleeper - so long as they are trying, I would put up with this for a summer. You may get more used to it. Find a solution for YOU because things like thunderstorms also happen in the summer. Heaven help you if your spouse coughs in bed!

The most fun things happen after midnight imho. I’m in my 50s, doing the whole meno and hot flash and bad sleeping thing and I have no expectations that my college grad live like an 8th grader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ear plugs might help you or some white noise like a ceiling fan. Are the kids working this summer? Do they have to get up early?

+1 I wear earplugs to bed. Life long light sleeper. My college aged kid is home right now. They've been staying out late with their s/o.

Give them Friday and Saturday nights with no limits but midnight deadline for nights before work days.

[Anonymous]

Boomers , ugh

[Anonymous]

My kid is at George Washington U, and in their last parent newsletter, they had an article about kids coming home, and what ground rules to lay out. Being sensitive to the schedule of others in the house was the first topic!

This is a classic problem, OP, when college kids have gotten used to being up at all hours of the night in their dorms.

THEY have to adapt to YOU. It is rude of them to come in at inappropriate times, and regardless of what some posters on here are writing, after midnight (barring a few parties) is always inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers , ugh

Not everyone older than you is a boomer, idiot. Boomers don’t have kids in college.